Bravo ketch! You ARE winning! No doubt about it

Ketch,

I'm so proud and happy for you! That is so inspiring to hear that you are having more AF days than A days in November. I can just tell that you feel amazing!! Congratulations on your wonderful progress. I'll be thinking of you and hoping that when the teacher comes its love at first sight and you two can enjoy life alittle. Sounds as if you certainly deserve it!!

Keep going, you are my inspiration!!!

Best,

Sounds like you're having a bit of a breakthrough here, Ketch. New scenery, new dude, new job and a new bounty of AF days. Great to hear, and best of luck!

Get it, girl.

-H

Hey Ketch

Good on you for doing so well with the AF days and feeling so much better. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that things will go well with your new man. Do you get to eat the Italian food? (My favourite.)
Take care

Cheers
Sticky

Hey everyone. Holy hell, I am an Alaskan statistic. I became one of thousands who bust-ass on the ice every year. Stupid icy sidewalk. Criminy! I was so chipper this morning as I walked to work. The sun was beaming, the air crisp and then boom... down I went! It would have been a rather comforatable collapse had I just gone with the flow. I would have landed directly on my nicely padded booty, but noooooooooooo, the good old reflexes for sheer survival kicked in and I ended up mildly spraining my left elbow in a futile attempt to brace my fall. Arghhh.

It hurts! And somehow this fall tweaked my left knee, already vulnerable to injury due to stupid skiing in Taos years ago, and if I could redo any moment of my entire life it would be to erase that 43rd tumble on that New Mexican slope which cost me my ACL-- my knee aches and moans every now and then believe me. Getting old sucks. Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink!

I had not intended to drink tonight, but after a very busy shift at the restaurant, I hobbled my way to Percy's Liquor store and picked up a modest six-pack of Alaskan Winter Spruce Tip Ale. I am sipping it slowly and it is thankfully numbing my physical ailments quickly.

But that will be my limit tonight. Pretty reasonable I think considering the fact that I could do what I have easily done hundreds of times in my past--be shooting gobs of Jaegar and throwing back tons of beer. I'll take a modest six-pack any day over my intake of days gone by!!

I must keep you guys in the loop concerning the teacher, because, hold on to yer engines-- this baby's about to blast off!!! While I had an AF day last night, Wednesday was a different story. I ended up with a six-pack of Miller Lite + a big bottle of Bud (about 10 units in all) and Tim and I attempted to Skype call, video chat, mobile phone call... all to no avail due to.... well, being in Alaska! Lots of technical difficulties, frozen pipes, transportaion issues, etc. So we settled on Instant Messaging through Skype. Hot, hot, hot!!! Oh boy did things take a frisky turn! It was surprising that we allowed ourselves to go there, but oh so sexy!!!

Wow. I am pausing right now to remember it fondly. But again, I was tipsy so this whole equation of: Alcohol+Handsome Man= Seductive Openness for Sexual Encounter for me. It is as simple as that. And that's been particularly true in the past five years. Again, I don't recall having much sober sex lately. But you know what..... I am willing to give it a try and he's the perfect candidate, because if it's awkward or I dunno.... just "off"-- he goes back to Pelican, a village some 80 miles west of Juneau.

I want to take my sobriety to intimate levels. And here it is-- the perfect opportunity. He arrives on the 24th.

My goodness- this is cool. I have been home for an hour and a half and I have only had a full beer and a quarter. I love this treatment! It is working!

My wing hurts... it's buddy, Swollen Knee, decided to join in the fun. Christ, thank God being human is temporary!

Love you guys, hope you are doing great in life and love!

Bye for now,

Ketchikan1

Ouch!

Sorry for the tumble, Ketch. I was momentarily tempted to talk about the slippery path as a metaphor for ... but then thought: not only is it corny, but there's no way I can top the Shetland pony riff going on elsewhere in today's posts.

And good for you for staying away from the liquid crack! Keep it up!

Hello my friends!! I hope your Thanksgiving holiday was filled with love and laughter!

First of all, let me report that the teacher was unable to make it over to Juneau from Pelican, some 83 miles east of here. The pilots opted against flying due to bad weather. When I received the phone call Wednesday, I was at the restaurant and I handled the bad news by forging ahead working a busy lunch-- but then, I got home and the darkest cloud hovered over my heart and eclipsed all things light and bright in my soul. It was as if I sunk into the deepest of cesspools emotionally. I was so disappointed and why shouldn't I be? The higher the hope, the harder the crash. And boy, did I fall flat. BAM!

In my sadness I turned my computer on and immediately Tim instant messaged me, but I could only react by writing, "I feel like getting shitfacedrunk," and I proceeded to do just that. My roomate and I headed out the door. I had 5 Alaskan Ale's and 2 shots of my new favorite: Fireball Cinnamon Whisky. Sorry Jaegar-- our lengthy relationship is over. "We're so over we need a new word for 'over'". Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City.

Seven units is definite progress. I have had 20 units in the last three days. Please note that I have been drinking daily and I feel cravings even as I write this, so I'll probably drink tonight also.

But man, did I feel the jolt of that instant trigger after the huge letdown of hearing that Tim couldn't make the trip this time around-- it hurt so deeply that I responded by reaching immediately out for something to numb the pain-- which is alcohol for me. I mean, it was such a natural reflex: Emotional Pain=Alcohol to Fix It. It was rather stunning really. So, yet another trigger has been spotted, revealed, and acknowledged.

I ended up working at the bar on Thanksgiving. I had a barful of cool people, young couples and flight attendents who work at an airline I shall not disclose. I got pretty loaded last night and passed out by 6:30 pm. Slept for 14 hours!

Tim and I video chatted today for nearly an hour. We have decided that it's best to forgo this trip and concentrate on December 13th when he arrives here via the ferry, which is a sure thing! He planned a trip to Mexico, long before we met and he'd like me to go-- but I work every day. I told him that instead of going to Mexico--we'll bring Mexico to us complete with all the romance and fun we can muster! So we'll see.

Other than that, all is well. Unit intake is decreasing and I am very relieved because of this! And I fell again on the slippery road.... good news is that I'm learning to slide as if I've hit a grand slam and I'm slidin' into home base. Works much better if I don't fight gravity as it's sure to win.

Hey, the falls keep me humble if nothing else. And I'd rather be falling due to icy surfaces and not due to being dangerously drunk. I am no longer a falling down drunk and that's thanks to TSM!

Onward,

Ketchikan1

Hey Ketch,

Good for you for realizing what a potent trigger "disappointment-from-high-expectations" can be. It's one of the worst of all, in my book! A sneaky bastard, especially when it comes with its sidekick, "last-minute-change-of-plans." As a Virgo, you would be a great person to categorize every type of trigger there is. (As a Pisces, I am lazy and instead of doing things myself, I like to dream up projects for others.

I know you will continue in the wonderful progress you are making. You are such a fireplug and inspiration to everyone here on the TSM journey. Just don't get too caught up in the details, or having to make things happen just the way you think they should. Let it flow.

The serenity prayer (which is NOT from AA, it's from the great philospher Reinhold Neibuhr (sp?) is good to remember:

"Let me have the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Don't worry!

Deja

Ouf I hear you about disappointment from high expectations and that prompting heavy drinking. That is pretty much my M.O. It's a hard trigger to beat, but sometimes just thinking about the fact that the heavy drinking will make you feel WORSE the next day helps,,,?

Hey Ketch

Sorry to hear about your tumbles and Tim not coming yet. The tumbles reminded me of a couple I've had recently at ice skating. One time I ended up with an egg on my head and had to lie down with ice on it!
Yes, expectations not being met can be powerful triggers. One of the things I try to remember from my years in AA is to not have expectations, but it's not easy. Especially when it's a last minute thing.
Glad to hear the long distance romance is sparking up though, and you are feeling positive about TSM.
Nal on!

Cheers
Sticky