I had visitors who were heavy enough drinkers staying with us for the last five days and drank more than I normally would have done- however I was never drunk and was always able to read a few pages of my book before I went to sleep. I have a feeling I was taking my nal too early in the day though. I took it early because sometimes on day trips we were having lunchtime drinks and I wanted to be covered, as well as that sometimes I can feel a bit nausious for a little while after taking nal and we were going to nice restaurants every night and I wanted to enjoy my food. Anyway my point is that even with 50mg of nal I felt that it wasnt doing the same job later into the night. I should probaly have taken another one in the evening time. As I said I was never drunk but I was still interested in that last drink everynight. All that said though, without nal the five days would have been filled with drunkeness, memory loss, guilt and embarrasment. Yes I drank more that I would have ideally liked but I enjoyed every minute of it.

This really struck home for me, Mario, it was so true for me too, and it wasn't just the lies in the sense of hiding bottles and hiding how much I was drinking, or the BS I had to invent to cover up memory loss or to justify some crazy thing I said while under the influence. Over the years, the lies crept into every aspect of my life until I realised that I was incapable of telling the truth anymore, for example, I would phone to cancel a hair appointment or something and make up some big story instead of saying, well, nothing, just that I want to cancel my appointment. This is something I have been working hard on for the past while, lies had become such a habit for me.

It must be difficult to be sipping all day like that, I wonder if splitting the Nal might help if the situation ever occurs again, like 25 in the morning and 25 in the late afternoon ? Of course there's also the posibility of not drinking at lunch time but that idea is no longer appealing for me now, now I drink because I can.

Keep up the great work!

Curi

Im just so tormented about alcohol today. My mother who is in her mid eighties developed a drink problem in the last 4 years and it just getting worse. Al her life she rarely drank and then only one. She fell this afternoon yet insists she is fine. She lives alone with my brother who is schizophrenia which is not a good sittutation especially as some of his symptoms are very active at the minute. She is too old to suggest naltrexone and I wouldnt even go down that road. My sister and I take her out once or twice a week so she can have a drink in safety but we live 30 miles away and work so this is as much as we can do. I cook most of their diners so that at least they will have something decent to eat.

As well as that my neighbour who spent 30 days in rehab came home on Friday last and I had arranged to go to meditation with her as she thought it might help. It was on Wednesday night and she came over to my house and it was obvious she was drinking. I could even smell it from accross the room. I gave her nal a few months ago but she never took them. It was her last chance at rehab as the insurance company wont pay for a third try and shes been before. Her family are going to be so, so upset when they find out.

Anyway thats my moan for today.

Hey Mario,
It's tough to hear about your mother. It sounds like she is probably self-medicating depression? A lot of older people become depressed, even without the stressors she has (I've got a similar experience with my grandmother). Perhaps she could start seeing a therapist? Or maybe at least join a group with other people and play scrabble or something?

Im feeling a bit odd today with regard to TSM. There has been a festival on in our town for the last week, lots of street entertainment as well as music in pubs etc. Had more alcohol than I normally would- some nights more than others but always with a fair/good amount of controll. No drunkenness or bad behaviour. However last night we went into town to keep an eye on our 15 year old daughter and her mates- one parent was responsible each night. Hubby was annoyed with daughter as she had broken an arrangement to meet us so was in a bad mood. I had two glasses of wine before we went to town and I thought we were going to have a drink but he decided against it. I went in to a pub to go to the loo and sneaked a drink while I was in there. Its really messed with my head as it reminds me so much of old behaviour that I thought was completly gone. This was something I would regularly do prior to tsm. It didnt help that Hubby made a coment about me being tipsy. Again prior to TSM we would have argued about my drinking and that too is completly gone with TSM. So all in all Im feeling a bit fragile today. Its been many months since I even slightly doubted TSM. I guess its going to take a few days of 'normal' drinking to get my head straight. Of course I know that tsm works, in fact I would have considedered last nights drinking a 'good' night before tsm. Its just the sneaking of a drink and hubby's comment brought back a lot of memories.

Mario,
Don’t get down on yourself, obviously the town festival was another trigger that needed to be extinguished. I know all too well the guilty feeling associated with sneaking drinks behind our spouses back. I still do this on a regular basis and it is something that I can’t wait to eliminate.

TSM will work for us, we just need to stay the course and things will get much better. Remember Nal+Al+Patience = Control.

Keep the Faith,

Doubt is an integral part of TSM I fear :/ You'll get back on track, and slowly but surely see even more progress.

Hi Mario, I have a question, you don't have to answer it if you don't want to but the above quote struck me- Does your husband always decide when you drink? Why was it not a joint decision? Do you think that perhaps you resented this decision, even unconsciously and that sneaking a drink was your way of taking back control ?

Best

Curi

Keep on truckin Mario! looks like Nal is helping you! good to see you doing so well and to see that your problems are so much smaller than 4 months ago or whenever I last logged in

Thanks folks, feeling a lot more normal again. Curious, I can see how that came across. He wouldnt dare tell me when to drink or not to drink. Though he is normally a placid type of guy he was in a horrible mood that night, we had actually planned on going out for a few drinks but it all went wrong, he came home from work late,it was pissing rain, the parent that was meant to be looking after 4 teenagers was nowhere to be found and our own young one broke an arrangement with us. Ii was then he decided to not have a drink and your right I did resent the decision but neither did I really want to go and sit somewhere with him in that mood. Maybe that was why I sneaked a drink while I was in the pub. Prior to nal I would probally have told him sod off and went drinking without him and end up sloshed and guilt ridden the morning after.