Well, I've forgotten to keep up my diary, but I feel it doesn't matter, still not much has changed. And now my thinking has reverted back to the 'old' way, and I feel so discouraged. I know it's still early for me, but I wish my 'honeymoon' phase would have lasted a little longer, maybe I'd feel more hopeful. I won't quit of course, I know if I used a little more willpower, sprinkled with some self discipline, I could actually achieve a day or two of AF. I've done it before, but I just don't know what's going on right now that I can't seem to do it. Time for some self introspection I guess....

petal

My post from Nov. 21st still stands. No change, no improvement. I'm working an awful lot suddenly, that's why I've not been around. Work is great and all and the money is a wonderful help. You'd think with things going well I'd try a little harder to not drink. But the night time routine hasn't changed at all, well it has a little, I've devoted a lot more time on my little on-line shop, but I still manage my 2 bottles almost every night anyway. In spite of keeping busy!

Petal - focus on the positive and don't get down on yourself. Easy for me to say...Hang in there!

keep going. You are still fairly early into it. If there are any positives, cling to them.

Thanks houtx and rapper, I really appreciate the encouragement! I'll stay the course and definitely keep grasping and clinging to any positives I can.

I have not put in an appearance here in quite some time. I've been really busy and I find if I spend too much time on the computer at home while reading the forums I have a drink or two or three along the way. So I've been 'active' at home, no pc, not much tv. My divorce was final on Dec. 19th, but he's still here so it's like it never happened. But we've both finally taken our wedding rings off, so there's a baby step there. Not that that mattered anyway, I was the only one married in this relationship. When he showed me he'd taken his ring off I said why bother, it never made a difference to you or any of your playmates anyway, and said that I was the only one married here. Good thing we get along I guess...

Anyway, good news is: I haven't had a drink since last Thursday, tah dah!! So, tonight marks my 6 AF day in a row!! I can't take all the credit, a nasty head and chest cold put me out for a few days. But on Saturday I did nothing but lie on the couch and sip tea and soup all day, and thinking and thinking about everything. I was feeling a bit better on Sunday, but I said to myself, hey, take another couple days off and see how you feel. I feel pretty good and don't miss my wine at all, or at least not enough to say the hell with it and drink anyway. I try not to think of the triggers because I'm afraid they'll trigger me!! I'm still a bit congested and I've found in the past if I kept on drinking while this way the wine just added to the mucus problem and I stayed not well for quite some time. This time I decided I want to get well sooner rather than later.

Can't predict tomorrow or the week-end but for the moment I'm quite pleased I managed 6 days without a whole lot of effort. It feels good to feel good!!

-petal

I've not had any measureable progress to report, so I've not been here. August 24 will mark 1 year on nal (minus that 2 week or so when my shipment of nal had been confiscated). But nothing has really changed, I drink no more than usual and sometimes less, so that's a positive I guess. I have an AF night here and there, but more than likely I am still downing my 2 bottles of wine a night. And I really just don't know why I can't stop after 1 bottle, I'm tired, it no longer tastes good but I keep going until it's gone. Although a bad habit, stress really exacerbates the problem. I'm going back east in 2 weeks to visit my mom. I'll only be there for 4 days and I have no intention of drinking, it's stressful enough to just go there. I just found out recently my brother is living with mom again, I really just don't know how all this will play out. He drinks very heavily and gets nasty. I'm already stressing out about this visit! I haven't seen them (or my other brother) for 5 years.

Then, the ex leaves June 30 for a 3 month trip with every intention of coming back on Sept. 30th. So, I'm already stressing out on how to make him understand once he's gone he's gone for good. I've got the 3 months to work that one out. As you said Art, there is this attachment, and I don't know why I can't or won't let it go. I know I could certainly benefit from some sort of therapy dealing with this, but I just haven't looked into it. It will be interesting though to see if my drinking habits change once he leaves.

So, there's my non-progress progress.
petal

Hi Petal,

Consensus seems to be that if no success with TSM within a year, then it is time for Plan B. Perhaps you should study up on baclofen. I recommend Ameisen's book. Make no mistake - baclofen is much more difficult that naltrexone. Before starting, research MYO carefully.

I wish you the best in this and all of your personal challenges. ART is so totally right.

-wort

Petal,

I just noticed Worts post. I disagree (with respect WOrt). I think that 1.5 -2 years is a give up point.

From what I've seen, some folks are simply taking longer and I have another hypothesis.

I wonder how many people have been followed for well over a year? How many would normally have given up by now and thought it wasn't going to work but it just took longer like my damn tomato plants who are finally coming around because we've had such cold crappy wet weather so far. (but the snow peas and radishes were awesome)

Part of the reason I say this is because I'm in month 9.5 and I am starting to see minor results. The mental beginning to change, last night (my mom was visiting, wife out of town), I had 4 units over 5 hours. Went to bed sober (no pot either). Woke up per usual at 4 AM but fell back asleep. Feel good today and the Mrs arrives back tomorrow.

Normally tonight would be a drunkfest as it would be my last opportunity to get lit without anyone around. May not happen. Planning on working out and working on some music. I'll try adn keep it to the same amount and stay sober.

Anyways, if I was going by the book, I would have given up by the New Year as that's what I was expecting because of the book. I am guessing cured in the next 3-6 months. I'm feeling a momentum I've never felt before. Please hang in there...my best, Jim