Sorry you had such a bad experience! After you've been on TSM for awhile, I think some people just can't tolerate their previous drinking levels anymore. I know I couldn't go back to drinking 12 beers a night, even if they are only 4%.

Be cool, tomorrow's another day and this all is just part of the path.

First, my heart goes out to you, for I have been there and it really is worse than anything I have ever experienced. I do hope the after effect of the nal over doesn't linger.

Second, Please, Please, Please do not allow yourself to feel any of these things. There is no guilt, or disappointment, it is just a learning experience and nothing more. You have to have these extinction burst to be able to get through to the other end, and look at it as just that, a very painful and sickly, learning extinction burst.

Who doesn't feel depressed when they drink too much (even people without AUD), so that should be expected.

Dust yourself off, move forward and try to figure out if it is something that could have been prevented, or was it your brain refusing to let go. If it was your brain refusing to let go, it may happen again (as much as I hate to say it). We cannot force our brain to change, for it will change and let go only when it is ready.

You have made tremendous progress and you will continue to make progress. This is not AA and this is not a setback! You have to drink for TSM to work. So, continue to drink with the nal and look at it as another step closer to being "cured" and not a failure!

Remember that this too shall pass,

Jaba

Thanks Jaba for your kind words.

Week 10 - Last night I broke the rule.
I was on a business trip- flying again!
I didnt want to have any NAL this week as Im having surgery on Thursday and didn't want to have NAL in my system. I had my last NAL on Sunday night so around 52 hours later I had a drink and there was no rush. Weird. My flight was delayed 3 hours and I was sitting at the gate thinking no don't do it don't do it. Then they announced another delay and I went to the bar and had a beer. It was odd -no rush but enjoyable. I didn't have any NAL with me. When I got on the plane I had a wine with dinner but didn't finish it. I must admit I was also curious to see whether the rush would come back.
Im not going to Nal or drink today before surgery or tomorrow-will be back on track.

MD

Hope the surgery goes smoothly, MD!

Maybe put some Nal in your purse or get a keychain pill holder so you don't get caught without it, you don't want to drive the extinction process backwards. The extinction isn't something that you'd necessarily feel.

Odd though that you didn't get the "old feeling" after 52 hours. Perhaps because you're so far into extinction? I can hear B.B. King singing "The Thrill Is Gone" in the background...

MD -

Maybe a little late to pitch in on this but do not beat your self up for having a bad day! It is part of the process and no judgement from anyone here. I have had that happen to me and you just have to dust yourself off -get over the NALover and life goes on. But you should try not to drink without following the golden rule. I know it was sorta a strange serious of events but like having too many drinks - just try not to let it happen again.

Best of luck with your surgery and it looks like you are doing great for such a short time.

MD,

I have delayed having things done because I knew I just couldn't be without nal or alcohol long enough to be okay for any procedure.

So I get. You couldn't take the nal and cancel the surgery, for that could be costly (I know some doctors that will charge time even though nothing was done or couldn't be done) and a hassle for all involved.

I get the drinking at the airport, for my husband travels a lot and I thank god he doesn't drink (flies so much he is diamond with delta), so I get that as well. That entire airport thing is a heaven/hell for any drinker.

But, please do not tempt fate. You may be fine today, or for a month or two or even three and then you will be back to square one. Now that I got that off my chest I feel better. I know you know, but I just had to say it for myself and all those that may be lurking. And that is why Clarions is so hard on those who think they will be fine without the nal occasionally, for he has been there.

Listen to Reboot, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move forward.

Every step in TSM is a learning process. And it can be so very challenging at times, but as long as we learn as we go along, all will be right as rain.

I know you said you will be back on track tomorrow, and I believe you; however, the drunk in me knows just how tempting it could be in the future.

I wish you a safe and healthy procedure.

Sorry if I sound harsh,

Jaba

Thank you Jaba and reboot - not harsh at all. I wanted to fess up here. Youre right.

I wont be without my NAL again.

MD

Well Week 11 was a strange week.

I had surgery last Thursday and on the FRiday had two beers and on Saturday night had 4 . On Sunday I was SO DOWN. Am not blaming the NAL as there was the post general anaesthetic blues and massive partner problems. However I was so put off by my mood on sunday that I have now put together 3 AFDs in a row (so that's 5 for the week). Ive had a bit of a hankering for a beer tonight but the thought of bloody feeling so down tomorrow has put me off it. Strictly speaking I don't think this is quite the way TSM is meant to work but pre NAL the last time I did 4AFDs in a row was so hard and then on the fifth day I drank 3 bottles of wine, tried to get the bus to sing on the way home and had a hangover that lasted 4 days!!! So if the downer /Nalover whatever you call it gets me to avoid that scenario again this must be a good thing.

(I spent the week in darkglasses with head down hoping that no one I knew was on that bus)

MD

MD,

Congrats on the being AF for 5 days, and be proud of that accomplishment.

A lot of us do deal with the "nal blues", so you are not alone. It is listed as a side effect, but is it the nal, alcohol, changes, or the nal with the alcohol, or all of the above. It is just one of those things that happen. I would have it in waves, and it would be depending on what was going on in my life. Maybe the combo of the nal, alcohol, and surgery is the blame. I think being AF does help with those blues just be careful of deprivation effect. I have found once I have a craving my brain is stubborn and I must give in or suffer the consequences. Maybe just one day have that beer or two and return to being AF. I think spacing out your AF day maybe helpful with those blues and it will reenforce those good endorphins that helps in extinction, so it will be a win, win (just a suggestion).

I do hope the problems with your partner have dissipated.

It sounds like you are making a lot of progress with TSM, so be proud that things are going well. It is amazing that you were able to have those AF days regardless of the reason (something I could never do).

Keep doing what is working for you,

Jaba

thank you Jaba - felt a craving tonight and am having a couple of beers
MD