It's ok Susie. You are still new to this. Just keep on keepin' on and don't let it happen again

Follow that golden rule like your life depends on it because chances are, it does.

One question I have. I'm curious to know what you mean by craving? Craving comes in so many different forms. My cravings were in the form of withdrawal. I needed a drink like a life saving medicine. My craving would take the form of self inflicted punishment. I would be over come with sickness and terror. Like there was an immanent crisis and the only solution was to drink. If I managed to be alcohol free for weeks or even a month then the craving would come in a different form. In that case it would be more psychological and not physical. I would crave a drink because I was a goo boy and I worked hard and deserve to relax. I would crave that ultimate relaxation, that sort of energized relaxation that alcohol would give me. I would crave that release, that desire to let go feck all. Then after that the sickness would be right back in place and the only reason why I would drink again is to cure the self inflicted sickness.

Anyway just curious. TSM has ended the physical sickness part of the craving for me but because of the habit and the psychological craving (I deserve a drink attitude) I still drink but it's absolutely nothing like it was before.

I will for sure follow the golden rule from now on. Jaba I did not get buzzed from the shots. I just get a nice warm feeling in my stomach
Ocean, as far as craving, I know exactly what you mean about withdrawal. Years ago I used to be a binge drinker of large quantities of alcohol and couldn't stop because of the withdrawal symptoms. It felt like I was going to have a nervous breakdown - I can't even describe how horrific my mental state was. And, physically sick too. In fact, it was so bad that I couldn't NOT drink. Drinking was the only thing that made the withdrawals go away. Many times I thought of suicide, but I am not brave or selfish enough to do that. But having a drink or two in the a.m. would make me feel better and then I would slow down for the rest of the day. A tranquilizer would work also, but I didn't always have access to them.

Now for the past few years I have turned from a binge drinker to a daily drinker. I drink too much everyday, but not enough to cause the horrible withdrawal. Now, the craving is like a physical itch, I think about drinking and then I feel really uncomfortable in my own skin until I can drink. The craving gets a lot worse if I have too much to drink the night before. So, I guess it is just a mild form of withdrawl, because I don't get the craving if I drink normally or not at all. Then, the addiction is only in my mind.

Thanks for all your help, it is good to know that I am not alone and eventually I will be free!

That's interesting Susie. It probably is a whole part of the withdrawal process it's just that some how you managed to change your style of drinking so the withdrawal changed with it. I don't know but it seems like a reasonable guess. The way you describe it was impossible for me. If I dried up a bit from a nights drinking and took one drink in the morning the chase would be on and I would drink till I passed out. That's just the kind of lush I was. I could stop for a period of time but if I had one drink then Boom game on. Else I would risk getting that crazy sickness and almost nervous breakdown that you describe.

It always amazes me how different alcohol works in all of us. I mean, we are all alcoholics, but the way it manifests itself in us can differ widely.

BTW That warm feeling in the stomach you describe. That was like heavenly to me and I looked forward to that every night after work. I'd start off my night with a beer and a couple shots and I would call it the 'burn in.' That coupled with that first drink ecstasy and what amounts to the cure for the self inflected suffering was literally to die for. Once that solution went down and I felt that burn in it was like all the ills of the world came together and presented themselves as complete nonissue. I knew of course what that meant. That I would then continue to chase that all night till I passed out. That the actual chase was the poisoning that would set up the very conditions that created the assurance that it would happen again right around the clock same time same place the next day. But that moment of ecstasy, that moment when the worlds came together in harmony for just that one short period of time always seemed so worth it, till it didn't.

You are not alone that's for sure. Good luck.

Well, the second week was surely not as good as the first. It seems like my brain (or me) wants so badly to feel the high so I drank too much to try to get it. From what I can tell by reading on this board, my path is not that unusual, which is comforting.
I am trying to get ahold of myself this week. Yesterday I had too much -had a fight with husband. Today, didn't have the urge to over drink. I took a Nal and then sipped a glass of wine and the craving didn't set in. I still had a few more drinks, but not too bad.

Susie

You are doing fine. It takes awhile for everything to take effect. Keep to the GR and you will start seeing your progress. I did not find it a straight line of progress - more like a walk when you have drank to much. 2 steps forward -1 back and one to the side. It is hard not to be inpatient because getting control over drinking is so important for us. But don't get discouraged - it is going to work.

Susie,

I think you are right on track.


That was me and my brain on nal. I think it took me 3 nal overs to realize I had control and it wasn't worth it.

You will get there; it just takes time for your brain to let go!

Keep up the good work,

Jaba

Another week down, and I am kind of discouraged. I know it will work if I follow the rule, but last week there were a couple of times that I didn't. I am so ashamed of that, I could barely write it down.
I will try harder next week - I have to do this, it is my only and last option.

Susie,

Is there a reason you don't want to take the pill? Or why you didn't take the pill?

If you have read the book, maybe you could reread it, for it is helpful.

Jaba

I just got the book in the mail today. I sent my old copy to my sister in law. I am definitely going to reread it. Jaba, there is no reason I didn't take the pill except for the fact that I have at times been a morning drinker and I have a hard time acknowledging that fact. Normal people don't drink in the morning after all!
So I don't take the pill because I don't think I will need to (it is morning after all) and then my brain starts its manuevering and I buy something. This happens to be my main problem now. I just have to deal with it and not drink in the a.m.
To write this down is the most embarrassing thing I have done in a long time

NO, Take that pill in the morning end of story!

If you take the pill in the morning you will be covered the entire day. You may be a little sleepy, but it goes away. Set an alarm to take it an hour before you get up, and then you have nothing to worry about.

Since I was not a morning drinker maybe someone who was can chime in and tell you what they did.

Jaba

I take my Thyroid medicine an hour before I get up, for I cannot eat, or have coffee for an hour after taken it. I take it roll over and go back to sleep. You get use to it.