Ocean - I so understand and totally agree with you - no-one knew the extent of my drinking/problem - except me ! So it is good to feel as if we are normal - or as near as I can get so far anyway! Great to hear that you have had so much success.....

Hugs, Maggie x

Yes ocean, I also thought I was fooling my wife, but she said I never fooled her in in the slightest. She BTW, is on board with TSM, and has been from the get-go.

One good trick I remember was to put white wine in a diet Mountain Dew bottle, who would ever figure that out? Even better was to drink all day while she was at work, and quickly crack a beer just before she got home to mask the odor of all the previous alcohol. Pretty clever stuff!

Anyways, I don't get any comments that I'm drinking less, and I mean way way way less. Doesn't really matter though, because I know it is better, and that's all that's really important.

Glad you are doing so well !

Yeah I figured most of you would know what I mean.

Not much to report on this week. Last drink I had was Sunday. I just dropped a quarter tab so that I can have a couple beers tonight if I choose too. My wife is sick so she won't be drinking any wine with dinner so who knows maybe I wont but just in case...

It's Friday so out of habit I feel like I simply just need to drink that's what I've been doing the last 25 years of my life! But interestingly now I feel a slight twinge in the direction of I can take it or leave it. In the 'old' days when I used to promise myself that I would only drink on the weekends by Wednesday I would be soo looking forward to Friday so I could drink. No doubt it was the alcohol deprivation syndrome. Today I'm slightly more indifferent. The drive is not as powerful but the habitual behavior is there. Typically my weekend drinking only would last 6 weeks at best then the next thing I know 3 months have passed where I was drunk every night, then back to weekend only or a whole month at a time. But in the past when abstaining I'd always be looking forward to my target day.

I remember after a few days of abstinence on a month long commitment I'd develop this real positive I can beat all attitude. I'd start to physically feel better and be grateful for it. After many days pass I'd then start the thoughts of why not? I deserve this. I've worked hard and so on then Boom! Right back at it. You all know the score. Taking time off from drinking is not new to me so alcohol free days may be easier for me but this week was just a bit different because I felt a bit more indifferent to it.

Have a nice weekend.

sounds like it's working. keep it up!

Good to hear that you are starting to get that feeling that AF days are good ..... and I know what you mean about it being a habit too - the drinking that is - and yes it is something that we have to unlearn - and habits are so hard to break - but that is where the Nal comes in. Sounds as if things are rolling along nicely for you Ocean - good for you,

hugs, Maggie x

Yes like it or not we all more or less speak the same language. As Maggie said, this isn't that great a club to belong to.........but there are a lot of genuinely nice and caring people here and for that I am ESPECIALLY grateful since I still haven't told anyone about TSM. I guess I never realized how big an ego I must have, I just cannot bear admitting that I have a problem. I probably am fooling most casual observers but probably NOT my husband or doctor. Still I just don't want the input or judgment of people who don't get it.

That said, I am super happy for you Ocean!! Keep it up!! Hugs from newline

I agree newlife. I see in converstaions all the time some people feel almost disgusted when they talk about some one who is an alcoholic. They are weak, why can't they just drink less, it's their choice and they get what they deserve and so on. I was arguing with some one the other day on another forum, yes I know what they say about arguing on the Internet hahaha, about this couple who were arrested for Methamphetimine and all the terrible things they were doing because of their addiction. In his mind they were criminals that deserved long prison sentence like you know, that'll teach 'em... Well you cannot argue with stupid especially on the Internet!

As Dr. Sinclairs work showed us prison which essentially is abstinence does in fact NOT work.

My point being is I agree, there is nothing wrong with you keeping TSM a secret between you and who ever else you want too know. TSM is not a program of shame or scared straight or what ever other 'solutions' taht traditional treatment programs incorporate into their model. TSM is a system of empowerment and with that comes confidence and control.

Besides it's better to have to sneak one little pill then ten extra drinks in one night to feel better.

---

This week not much different. Wednesday nights during the summers I do a bicycle race at 6PM. I very often times would dump a few shots of vodka in my water bottle to get a charge and take the edge off. I've not done that in over two months now. Afterwards I'd typically meet up at the bar for a late dinner and drinks and barely be able to ride home in the dark. This Wednesday I had one beer and later went to bed. After I had the one beer I looked at myself in the mirror and thought about it real hard, do I really feel like having another one? Nope not even in the slightest bit.

I tried to remember the last time I had just one drink, I can't even remember. It must have been at least 25 years ago and even then I'd probably would have felt like having another. I remember thinking on so many occasion in the last 25 years as my alcoholism progressed how I wish, I just wish, that their could be a cure. That, really there are little problems in my life, I have my health, food, shelter, clothing, family, wife and what ever else except for this one thing, when I take a drink I cannot stop. I stood there looking in the mirror thinking about this and almost got giddy. And then I got a little angry thinking that I could have had this 20 years ago. My father could have had this when he was my age today instead of being drunk every day since the FDA approved Naltrexone for use as treatment in the US in 1994. That my brother who has been abstinent and relapsed at least 5 times one time after a period of abstinence for ten years could have been spared this hardship. And that there are so many more people out there that can benefit from this simple treatment plan.

I've always been a skeptic about everything but in this case it's getting harder and harder to believe that TSM is mere snake oil. I'm on my 10th week and 3 months ago I would not have been able to win a bet of $1 Million dollars if you just drink this one beer and no more.

Ocean - this is an amazing story. One beer! Congratulations. I can not image how you were able to bike on vodka before. Am happy to hear that this is now in the past. Yes, I agree that so many more people could have been spared troubles if they knew about Nal.

Ocean what an amazing triumph. How I long for the day to just have one and walk away, or even to not crave any at all. And riding a bike in the dark is pretty scary let alone drunk. You were lucky you were not hit and you are still alive (you must have a really good guardian angel).

Jaba

Well to be clear I have really strong lights for my bike so it's not quite as scary as you may thing but still... Yeah it's pretty dumb. I'm not at all proud to say that I have done my fair share of drunk driving too, at least on my bike I won't kill anyone else

I may not be sure exactly what you mean by how long for the day but on Wednesday I took 1/4 pill, so 12.5mg about 8:30 and had a beer at about 9:30 that lasted till about 10:30. I then stayed up till about midnight doing other things. That's something that would have been absolutely impossible just ten weeks ago.