Thanks for the comments, everyone. I'm in week two at my new job. Still keeping the focus on that, since there's not much else going on, but that's my choice. I have a whole new city of opportunities, but I'm just not quite ready to partake.

Dana (not your real name) Skully - if you can be patient and follow the protocol, this program can definitely work for you as it is for me and countless other people. Take the time to read the Weekly Progress threads and the Cured threads. They are very encouraging. I'm only four months in and haven't had any AF days but my daily consumption has become manageable and continues to go down, so, especially considering all the change and disruption in my life, I'm feeling pretty good about. I feel like I have a new friend now in Portland - that's so cool. (Feel free to PM me if you like.) My doctor doesn't do clients over the phone; he's in a regular practice in Idaho so unfortunately that's not an option. I hope to find someone here when my health insurance kicks in. Funny how we worry about life insurance when the reality is we need to do whatever it takes just to make sure we keep on living and don't destroy ourselves!

Hang in there until you get your Nal and know that there is hope. I've been at the bottle-a-day for a long time in the past but am happy to report I've only had one hangover in the past three weeks or so and am down to 2-3 glasses a night. I quit smoking, too, though that had dwindled down to 2 a day so not really a big deal. My daily walks to and from work are at least a little exercise - that's really where I need to put my effort. Maybe I'll join a gym. I should have gotten an apartment in a building with its own fitness room. Oh well. It is what it is for now.

Take care everyone.
Sheryl

I haven't been able to post from work, which is where I'm spending most of my time, and since I'm writing all day, I don't feel encouraged to jump on my laptop when I get home. So I'll catch up a bit now.

I had my first-ever Nal slip on Monday, in that I forgot to take my Nal before I left for home, and just caved to the desire to have that first glass of wine prior to the one-hour waiting period. I definitely noticed the effect immediately, and instead of nursing each glass, I quickly went through an entire bottle, which I haven't done for several weeks, or maybe a month even. So lesson learned and I'm back on the very strict 1-hour protocol.

I elected to spend Thanksgiving alone, which I don't recommend for any depressed alcoholic. I had options; I could have visited friends 4 hours away that I haven't seen in 8 years, but just wasn't up to the drive or the catching up, esp. given my last few months. Or my BF from Idaho would have come out if I invited him, but I felt unsettled about that, too. Or I could have gone there. Or I could have made arrangements to fly somewhere but didn't want to fly on T-day itself. Or drive. I've been sleeping so poorly, I wasn't sure I should tackle an 8-hour drive each way. So it was just me and HBO-GO most of the day, doing a marathon of the series Veep and the odd movie. And sleep. I did sleep 8 hours straight Thanksgiving Eve, so was thankful for that. And slept fairly well last night also, crashing by 8:30pm.

All things considered, my consumption, after 5 months TSM, is at an all-time low, and I may be on the verge of the elusive AF night. I'm frankly surprised I didn't drown myself in wine all day/night on Thanksgiving because I was pretty sad, lonely, weepy, pathetic, but it was like, why bother? And all I was doing was watching TV anyway, so it's not like I really needed any help coping with that. Not that that would have stopped me before, so I do think the Nal is doing exactly what it is supposed to do. I am thankful for that.

Today, I'm going to a) do some yoga with an online workout, b) go out and take a walk downtown and join the Black Friday shopping throngs, if only to get out in the world, c) may join a 24-hr fitness club so I can get serious about getting back in shape. The convergence of getting down to truly reasonable drinking levels and a regular work out schedule may be just the kick I need. I'm figuring I'll get up super early and go to the gym, since I'm often waking up at 4am anyway, if only to get on the ellyptical (sp?) for 45 min or so. So that's my plan. Activity and no more wallowing. Enough wallowing yesterday. Tomorrow I need to go into the office for a few hours and make up for Wednesday when I just couldn't think do to the lack of sleep. Sunday, who knows.

I appreciate having you all as the witnesses to my struggles and small gains over time. Hang in there. This works, for me anyway.

I'm so glad it's working for you! You've been through a lot. I am wishing for things to keep getting better and better for you!

writeratlarge, I admire you for coping so well with your sad circumstances and dealing with your alcohol problem at the same time.

If you want to spend Christmas with someone, feel free to join us in Beaverton. And, yes, I'm serious.

Melissa and Maggiemay - thank you for the kind words (and invite!). I'm doing better and about to head out into the world to run some errands. About my sad Thanksgiving; that was entirely my own construction as I chose not to be with others. I'll probably take a few days off at Christmas and go see family or the BF.

Be well everyone and enjoy the weekend.

Hi Sheryl, glad to hear that things are going well. I think that a day of wallowing every now and then is perfectly acceptable...when you stop it makes you realise that life's ok really...and you did your wallowing without drowning it in booze which is pretty good going. You definitely wouldn't have done that a few months ago. Your units are coming down nicely and you even used your Nal slip up as learning experience...seems like all's good. Nal on!
Ruth.

Wow, it's been more than a month since I posted. This will be a pretty quick touch-base as well. I updated my signature and looking at my progress month-by-month is fairly encouraging. Though I've only scored two AF days, that's an improvement. As is going from 60+ units a week to now averaging in the twenties. I still want that drink when I come home from work, though, and make sure I take my Nal in the afternoon so I can have it. It doesn't even taste that great and has barely any effect, but still, I want it, though crave may be too strong a word. I think it's that whole dealing with LIFE thing and engaging in activities other than alcohol that continues to stump me because I'm so lacking in motivation. I usually finish my one glass of wine, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, then pour a second and sometimes a third but more often than not I'm pouring out at least a half a glass, so overall, I'm averaging about 2 1/2 glasses per night. Last night it was only 1 1/2 over a 3-hour period. I haven't had a hangover since I moved to Portland and on my worst days around the holidays I still didn't drink more than 4-5 drinks in a 24-hr period. One weekend day I was feeling down and had a Lost (tv series) marathon, and opened a bottle about noon, but didn't finish it until about 9 that night. That's definitely the Nal doing what it does so well.

I did join the gym but having only been going on the weekend so far. My plan for getting there early in the morning was thwarted by my own laziness and our own version of the arctic vortex that struck here last month and sent temps down into the - gasp - 20s. Now I have no excuse whatsoever. I have the time. It's a two block walk to get there. It's still taking a lot of energy to get through the day at my new job (which is OK but I'm not loving), so that is definitely a factor. When I get home, I want to just hunker into my little cave. I'm a little embarrassed to be posting and not have more wonderful things to report but it is what it is; a bit of a mixed bag right now.

One bright spot, I did get to see my BF for a few days around New Years and returned to my "home" town, but that only made me miss it (and him) more and make me wonder whether I've made a huge mistake. One not so easy to hit the 'reset' button on. But my choice, and my move, so until I figure out something else, I need to reconcile myself to being here.

In real life, I would never be this negative to anyone, so I am grateful to have this forum to be able to be my true self, even if it's a self I'm not particularly proud of right now.

I'll look forward to catching up with everyone and will try to be back here more regularly.

Oh, since I'm in between health insurance, I had to order my Nal from AllDayChemist - if anyone's reading and has used them, I'm curious how long it takes. I still have a few weeks supply.

Melissa, do you have a Dr. in Portland who prescribes Nal?

Thanks all, take care.
Sheryl

That's really great on the drinking. You've made amazing progress.

I don't know what it is with the wine drinkers taking longer, but you can still get there.




Nope, I ordered online. I sure wasn't going to tell my tale to a doctor, not unless I knew him intimately (which I don't).

Now that I know it works and am cured, I'm a little more open about it. I've told two therapists about the method and my use of it. Still not the actual doctor, though, which does seem a little backwards now that I think about it.

Hi Sheryl,
Good to see that you're doing well. Looking at things from the outside, your progress seems really good. 60+ to 20ish is great and yay for thoses 2 AF...not long ago you hadn't managed any. You've coped with some pretty major changes in your life without drowning in booze so that's all good.



What's not to be proud of? Life's a challenge at the moment, you're feeling a bit cheesed off and you can't find where you put your mojo....don't be too hard on yourself. Life's a bit crappy sometimes and it's ok to feel fed up about it. I don't think you sound particularly negative...more like you're honestly saying how you feel. Much better to say it out loud than supress it with a bottle (or two) of Sauvignon.

I ordered from AllDay before and it took 3 weeks for the Nal to reach me in the UK, so I'm sure you'll be fine.

Keep on keeping on.

Ruth.