Hi PJB,

Ive just read your story from the beginning and my heart truly goes out to you. Im not going to attempt to give you any advise other than to say that I full agree with Revert. I think you know deep down that TSM is working for you but having the person closest to you constantly undermining you and your decision to stick with TSM will almost certainly cause you to doubt yourself and tsm at times. I think that on your own and focusing on you alone will do you the world of good. I wish you all the best

Thanks Mario, it wont be easy initially, but I'm a pretty tuff cookie and I know I will gain back my self esteem and when you have that, you can do anything, including drinking which Iv done in the past. Being in a toxic relationship just perpetuates the situation and all the other variables that come into play. I have much to be thankful for and want to get back to the strong person I am personally. professionally I'm already there. Thank you for your input. It really makes a difference in how one feels about themselves when you connect to another and my connections on this forum are far more valuable than the absolute no connection in my personal life. Thank you all, as you give me strenght and I hope I can do the same for others when I have reached to a stronger position.

P.

PJB, I have read your thread.

I hate to intrude, but you are so deserving of a more understanding partner. I am the victim of a disease, but have an understanding, forgiving, and loving wife.

Keep up with TSM. I have been at it for 18+ months, and it has saved my life.

Thanks Jdog, I appreciate your response all well as everyone elses. Im the kind of gal that dosnt dramatize or sugar coat, just state the facts. If I tell it like it is and it seemes those that have responded all agree that the boyfriend must go. I did ask him to move out. I didn't even make it to work today, saw him briefly and he was trying to be kind but I knew it was the usual "lets bring out the broom and sweep everthing away." You all have given me strenght and as a result I didn't cave to him. I stuck to my guns and told him I want him out this weekend. He is 45 and lived at home before moving in with me two years ago. He will have an easy move back. Not that he has to go find a place on his own. What he will be loosing is all the benefits Iv provided to him and an amazing lifestyle (too many perks to mention). Im so sad and lonely now and have slept on my couch for too many nights to count in my home, that I know I will get through the initial hardship of a breakup. Again, only the TSM matters to me, because without it I know nothing will ever change. I put my yahcht on the market today, I'm removing all negative and stress related items in my life so I can focus on Me, me, me! Thanks for your input and support. It is reassuring knowing that this many people feel the same way therefore I cant be wrong in my decision. I truly reley on this forum for guidance and trust in only this now.

Nalathone, until soon P.

Good for you! You are really taking control of your life, and completely rearranging it, and your positive work w/ Nal should fit right in w/ that. Even selling the boat. You said the boat culture was pretty-drinking focused...I can believe that. Maybe hang w/ your running friends more???

The details you've supplied about the BF in this last post really seals the deal for me: I assumed he was a pretty dynamic guy and maybe just bossy, but sounds like he's been getting a pretty good deal & benefits of being w/ you, and in return, offering criticism & doubt. You're of an age to have plenty of great years ahead of you, and taking control of the alcohol is a wonderful starting place. Please stay in touch and let us help. (speaking for myself, I have PLENTY of opinions, and you don't even have to ask)

Me too with the opinions! But what I think is happening is that you are seeing that WE aren't crazy drunks who are looking for an excuse. Ahem, I won't mention "you know who" but sounds like he wanted to have all the fun with some of his bad habits that he felt free to indulge in front of you, but he was not willing to support you while you corrected your bad habit....so who's crazy???

When you read through all the posts here you can see the good patterns being developed in place of the old ones. I'm seeing it in my own drinking and it feels so good to be able to go to a party and have some wine but not feel out of control - it's so different!!! So, yes, nal on

Hi PJB haven't heard from you in a while. Hope all is well.

Things have been a bit crazy. Just passed my four month period. Happy to report I'v obtained many AF mornings, that was my initial goal. My unit levels are still not impressive to me but I have actually had two or three AF days. My health took a bit of a turn for the worse. I was in the ER last Monday. Went to work at 7:00 and by 10:00 I was experiencing severe pain and pressure in my chest. The pain went to my back and arms, was very sick to my stomach as well. I called my Dr. and based on my description of what I was experiencing he said you may be having a heart attack, not panic attack, heart attack. I was instructed to go to the ER immediately and my secretary took me. My boyfriend showed up shortly thereafter and I spent the next 6 hours with testing. They gave me nitro for the chest pressure and pain, they made me drink something that numbed my throat and stomach and an IV to sadate me. They did a chest exray for clots and EKG and major labs. Was told that sometimes one can actually have a heart attack and survive it and not even know. Nevertheless, my heart is good and they suspect I have Gasgtrist, they released me and put me on Nexium and advised I see a gastro doctor which I did. I will be having a procedure with the camera in my stomach and will be under for about three hours. Additionally, they will follow up with an ultrasound but he suspect ulcers. Guess that's what stress can do. On a scale from 1 - 10, I'm at about a 15. As previously mentioned, I wanted my boyfriend to move out due to his non-support, it's ironic the gastro I saw for my consultation even knows about TSM and I was honest about my entire history. He applouded me at my progress of four months and understands. So of course I told the BF, finally, I have a physically person, a doctor that does know about the method and agrees and understands it. I tried to get him to leave, he simply won't. The past week or so has been the focus of his father who just had one of his adreanal glans removed due to a tumor and he also has a brain tumor, so I have just been supportive to the family. He simply just keeps bringing out the broom and sweeping issues under the rug. It was most frustrating this past weekend on my boat. As I'm dealing with my health issues, friends came down and I was dragged from bar to bar and I continually said I don't want to be going to bar to bar at warp speed drinking like a fish, and I had to take care of my puppies on the boat. He was just in his own world and was on a rampage. I of course took care of everything and we were on our usual non speaking terms. I also discussed all this with my therapist and he agrees that he is simply wrong and judgmental about my choosen path. The coming days will determine alot. I am just goinig to ensure me health is in order and take things from there.

Things are more than insane at work as well, so I have not even had time to read others posts, I will try even tho this week will be a little crazy for me. I look forward to hearing others progress and I will do my best to continue to check in. Hope all is well with you all.

Nal is my pal! P.

Sorry to hear about your health troubles and hope you get it sorted out. And congrats on your AF mornings - that is really good news - it means you are making really good progress especially with all that's going on in your world. I'm so glad you have been in touch with a doctor you were able to confide in - who knows about TSM - so confirming eh?

Be strong and get healthy - that's the only way you'll be able to sort things out in your life. Do what you need to do for YOU!!!

What's up w/ you, PJB? I just read your last post of July 23, and you had a lot going on, w/ your health and the boyfriend, etc. I hope you're getting along and are reading the Forum, even if you're not posting...sometimes we need a break.