No great changes in my TSM saga at the four month mark. Had a heavy weekend over Labor Day, daughter and micro-brewer husband visited and I drank rather more than usual. Still only 20 units that week, and a couple AF, but Sneaky Ellpee remained active. A beer with them, another on the sly while puttering around in the garage. A highball for them, a double for me. That kind of thing. I know it's not a good thing, but haven't been able to modify that behavior so far. Part of it, I'm starting to think, is that I know (or at least THINK I know) they'll wig out if I'm up front about it, and I just want to avoid a scene. Add to that, that when they wig out my reaction is likely to be defiance, which is to say more drinking. The longer it goes on and I try to analyze it, the more convinced I am it has nothing much to do with wanting to get more AL into my system, and a whole lot to do with stubborn insistence on not being told what to do.

Ellpee, im on month 4 and have not seen any changes. im starting today on 75 mlg, im not going to panic because it could take up to a year.

Hi EllPee,

Your numbers look good.

I can relate to your reaction to what you perceive as disapproval of your drinking. Is it possible that it's a bit displaced?, I mean, is it possible that in other situations, you have to do what someone else (your wife) wants, that you have no choice and no control over a situation and have to endure it? so when it comes to drinking, you know you have a choice and control but you choose to be defiant and continue drinking to compensate the other areas where you have no or less control? Not sure if I'm being clear...

Just a thought.

Keep up the good work.

Curi

im an active drinker, 70 - 80 units a week. i start tsm on the 20th sept. i am a functional drinker, and my life is together for the most part. but the drinking side is a nightmare for me. i havent enjoyed drinking for 2 years. i have to drink, and have little control. maybe you used to enjoy your drinking, or maybe you forgot how bad it was? my thought when i read your post was "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!", but thats coming from my own experience. anyway just my thoughts. good luck.

Can anyone tell me what happened to ellpee's progress report? It ended abruptly and I was reading it hoping to see the conclusion that he is managing to drink moderately. Any comments? Thanks.

Hmmm...I see his last post was Sept. 13 - I didn't realize it had been that long. To me, his story was slightly unusual in that he set very specific criteria for how and how much he would drink when he started TSM. And he seemed pretty successful w/ that. My own approach was much more haphazard - I was drinking too much when I started and it started going down right away, but I didn't really set goals - just kind of careened into it. His approach gave me thought, and I think it has merit. Esp. since he had come out of rehab and was aware that he would be subject to the expectations (and concerns) of his family, etc.

Hello all, sorry to be away so long. We were in our summer digs during my first months of TSM and moved back to winter quarters in October, so was distracted from posting for a bit, but I'm long overdue and an EMail from sailorbox finally shamed me into getting back with it.

Six full months now and results remain consistent -- averaging 11 units a week with 3 AF, a couple of highs around 20u/week due to holidays, celebrations, fishing trips, but quick rebound back to the average. Noticing a little bit more DISinterest in AL toward the end of the second drink, but still too cheap to pour it out! Right now I'm actually away from home and wife for the first time since starting TSM, and no problems as far as over-indulging. A glass or two of wine each evening, no AFs so far (5 days), but no excessive or inappropriate drinking. I did have one morning when my planned activities got rained out and darn if the idea of having a (morning!) drink didn't pop into my head, but I quickly thought "Now that would be a really stupid thing to do" and found something more productive and less destructive to do. On the whole, therefore, I'm calling it successful to this point.

I am, though, still wrestling with the "you're not the boss of me" part of my alcoholic mind, that makes me sneakily pour myself a double if I even THINK someone is counting my drinks. I know it's there, I know it needs to go away sooner or later if I want to consider myself a "normal" drinker, but it's a very stubborn part of my personality. Eternal vigilance, I guess, and hope it will gradually fade away.

So, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. Will try to post more regularly, and am looking forward to catching up on everyone else's adventures as well.

Oh, a PS: I was a bit worried about telling my friends in my primary AA group that I was dropping out in favor of TSM, but it went well. "Many roads, one goal" was their general response. I gained a lot from them and didn't want to lose them as friends outside of AA, so it was a relief to have my news received that way.

And another PS, next morning: I had poured my evening libation and put it on the nightstand before logging on here, after taking one big sip. Then I spend 90 minutes reading and posting, and never even thought about the drink sitting over there! After logging off I went to bed and read a paperback for a bit, and took a sip or two of the wine, but when I got ready to sleep I still had almost half of it left. I did my usual "duty drinking" to empty the glass, but didn't particularly enjoy it. That's got to say something for a guy who would blow through a three-liter jug in less than a day this time last year! Hang in there, anybody who's trying to do what I'm trying to do. It's looking very much like it IS possible.

Your progress is so encouraging for anyone that reads your postings. Please follow up from time to time.

Two more weeks under my belt, 29 altogether I think. Pretty much the same numbers so won't repeat them all. Hit 20u during my week-long hunting trip, but only a modest amount per day. Still filling the ol' wine glass to the brim, closer to 2u and 1u, but a moderate buzz seems to suffice for me -- definitely a point comes where I don't want more. Looking back it sure feels good to not be sneaking out and buying a 3-liter bottle every couple days, or driving with a snootful just about every time I get behind the wheel, or barfing on my own shoes. Or seeing that look of hurt and disappointment on my wife's face, and knowing that once again I've failed to "be all that I can be." Being in control is a huge deal for me, and some combination of TSM, AA, SOS, personal reading, and plain old logical thinking are so far letting me achieve that goal.

All still good with Ellpee on his up-from-zero crusade. Haven't made my initial <= 10u/wk goal, but avg. 12 is definitely good enough; WORST has been 0 AF and about 20u.

Bad month in general. One of our pets died, wallet got stolen, somebacked into our SUV, and the grand finale, fell off my 10-day-new motor scooter and fractured my pelvis. Several weeks of crutches/walker, no surgery needed. If that won't throw you off that path to sobriety, nothing will.

Shared a bottle of French champagne with wifey last night for our 47th anniversary. By the end of it both of us had found that we really don't like champagne that well any more; lots of other things we like better. I had more of it than she did, maybe 4u, and by that point I had the definite feeling that I was buzzed enough and didn't want any more of anything. Starting finally to believe that's the NAL at work. Irony: kids gave us booze as gifts, Grand Marnier for her and B&B for me. Guess that means they're starting to relax and believe in my TSM sobriety, which is a great feeling. I'm also actually feeling liberated from AA. Met good friends there and still have contact, but every time I pass an AA meeting site there's a little part of me saying "Man, I'm glad I don't have to do that any more!" Learned good stuff, probably wouldn't be where I am without it, but I think I'm just starting to realize how really hard it was for me to suppress my resistance to the total powerlessness/higher power thing. Wife gave me a card where a little boy is trying to fix his tricycle, has a monkey wrench and all kinds of other tools, and a little girl is telling him "Maybe we should contact a professional." To which he says "NO WAY! I've got it!!!" That is so totally me. I used to think I HAD to fix EVERYTHING, was required and expected to, and all by myself too, and if I didn't I was a total loser, so let's get drunk. Have finally made some progress on getting over that attitude, which was one of the main barriers to getting sober.

Hope all here are progressing; you have my best wishes for the holidays.