Wow, that's quite a change. I can see why you are so ecstatic. Good on you!! Newlife

Hi All - Back again. When I last posted a couple of years ago I said I was starting back on nal as I had gotten up to 3 glasses of white wine a night. I didn't start nal although I did order it. I stayed at the three glasses until last July and then one night I had four glasses so that's where I stayed and restarted nal in early September. I have taken it religiously since with no reduction in my drinking and sometimes more than four glasses.

I've decided to start posting again as it seems I am still the very slow responder. Because of that I need support. Nal was such an interesting experience for me. I had never drank anything but red wine, particularly Pinot Noir. I also didn't start that until I was 51 years old at a half a glass of wine...hence my moniker. After 9 years of that I was up to a bottle or more of wine a day. After being on nal for one year I developed such a revulsion to red wine I didn't like to look at it or smell it. I still feel that way. That was when I switched to white wine and seven months later I stopped drinking it except occasionally out to dinner. I did not develop a revulsion to it though. I still enjoyed drinking white wine albeit with nal. After about a year of that I ran out of nal and would have the occasional glass out to dinner without nal. A year later I became a daily drinker again at two glasses. Then a year later at three glasses. Then last July four glasses.

I've only been taking nal for six and a half months. I've seen no progress at all. I keep wondering if I stay the course the same thing will happen with white wine that happened with red...it will become repulsive. Then I would finally become the non drinker I've so longed to be for the last ten years. I have no interest in any other alcoholic beverages and the closest I've come to imbibing in those is kaluha on ice cream a handful of times over several years.

I'm going to try for an AF today. The first I will have had in two and a half years. Wish me luck.

Best wishes, Half!

Some suggestions:

Wait till you have a clear craving for a glass of wine, apply the Golden Rule, then slowly start your first glass as close to an hour after the Nal as possible. Keep the craving and the first sip on Nal closely coupled.

Try keeping your glass of wine in another room (and out of your sight) so you have to get up and fetch it for each sip. As it's white wine, you might even want to keep it in the fridge. This gives the conscious part of your brain extra time to pop up and ponder whether or not you really want that next sip. I know it sounds funny, but it introduces a mindful aspect to drinking that's more present when you have to do something aside from bending your elbow to take another sip. Do keep an NA drink close by you though. Maybe even throw in some small chores/tasks in between sips to throw in another diversion. You may find that you forget about that glass of wine for longer than you thought you would.

Another way to slow things down might be a wine/soda mix, like a Kalimoxto, with plenty of ice in it.

In any case, keep on letting us know how you're getting along!

This board has been up and down, sometimes slowing so much that posting becomes difficult. There's another TSM/Medication Assisted Treatment board at http://optionssavelives.freeforums.net, so check that one out too! It seems to be the more lively of the two these days.

Hi Joe - Thanks for the tip. I didn't make my AF day but trying again tonight. My goal since joining this forum and starting TSM was to return to a non drinker which I was for the majority of my adult life. Like Springerrider said years ago TSM slows the train down so you can jump off. That's what I want to do. Hopefully, today is the day. The last time I was on TSM and declared myself cured I went from 25 glasses of wine a week to two after just a few days AF but it took my 17 months for my first AF. I've noticed lately the cravings are nearly gone but I still start drinking my white wine at 5:00 and then I consume a lot. So I'll report back in on my AF day that I'm planning today.

I checked out the other forum. Thanks for the tip. Cindy.

I read all of your posts on your thread along with some of the others. I know you read mine, but I want to add a couple of things that aren't really pertinent to anything.

Way before I started TSM, my favorite beer, Miller Lite, one day, 3 years ago, became absolutely revolting to me, along with all other lagers. I haven't had a lager in a year and accidentally bought a six pack this week. Still makes me gag and literally want to puke.

I am now at almost a year. Your story gives me hope. I often wonder if there is a switch that flips for everyone. It seems like people's charts read 50, 50, 30, 30, 30, 10, 0 or some such. It seems I've been at 25-30 since December. I keep saying an AF day is coming, but I get terrified at the thought. And it doesn't make sense. It's not the thought of not drinking. It's definitely not the thought of not being drunk as that happens so rarely now. I think it's the thought that once I start stopping, I will continue stopping and no longer drink. It's the same fear I would get when I thought about quitting smoking. Then, one day, I decided I was going to quit smoking in a couple of weeks. I set a date and smoked every cigarette in town until my quit day. Then I quit. I actually dropped my last cigarette, half smoked, in a puddle. 2:53pm 1/08/2012. I laughed. Ever since then, it was never about quitting smoking. I was never "trying to quit". I just wasn't a smoker. It worked. I had one episode 2 weeks in where I called in to work sick for 2 days because I knew if I left, I'd buy a pack and smoke them all. That was it. It's been 5+ years without one. BUT. I know if I made a bad decision, I could smoke a pack tomorrow. I still dream about smoking. I still enjoy the smell now and again. I never broke the addiction--I just quit. That's why I am trying to take this as it comes. I want an AF day. And I know that I could get them going. But it would just be out of keeping a streak alive. Anyway, I'm rambling and it's time for bed and not drinking the 6 pack I still have in the fridge--unheard of a year ago. Welcome back. I'm glad you have this to get you back on track. Let me know if I can help in any way.

(btw, I feel a certain connection because I was born in Denver General. Grew up in Littleton until 1987. Also lived in Parker in 2002. I'll live in CO again, one day.)

Bmorri3 - Sheesh we are fraternal twins but you prefer beer and I prefer wine.

I just finished reading your thread at the other forum. I can completely relate to where you're at and AF. I delayed AF for 17 months because I was afraid if I did an AF I would stop drinking for good and I didn't want to stop drinking. None of that was conscious at the time but when it did rise to consciousness things started to change. I graphed on here back then but must have deleted my signature once I declared cured. I stayed stuck for so long because I was so afraid of AF. Then one day I woke up....looked at my daughter....and said she doesn't deserve this so I'm going to put more effort into this. By then I was no longer getting drunk but I was still consuming a lot of wine every night. As you know from reading my thread I stopped drinking wine at home. I'm not going to lie....I was white knuckling it a bit every week for that one night out to dinner that I could have my two glasses of white wine. Other than that I was AF through the week for a couple of years. I remember thinking back that I may have made the leap to that a bit too soon. When the craving for my preferred drink of red wine was extinguished it was almost over night after a year. However, I'd only been drinking white wine for 7 months when I took the leap to AF 6 days a week. I could still feel the daily cravings when I did that.

Anywho...I did an AF last night and it was effortless. The thought of putting white wine in my mouth gave me the gags....probably because I'd drunk over a bottle the night before. This time on TSM I didn't track, I didn't journal, and I didn't think about it. I just took nal and drank every day for the last 8 months. I noticed my drinking increased over that 8 months. It did not decrease. Although I worried about that, I just kept taking the nal and drinking. As before I didn't do AF because I feared if I did one I'd just stop drinking for good. I'd just say when I got to this AF I was just ready. It wasn't forced. I did not have any physical cravings last night, but there was psychological. I just kept asking myself, "Are you craving alcohol physically?" The answer was no so I went about my usual business.

I have one chair in front of the TV that I drink in every night...ha, my drinking chair. Last night I drank sparkling water. It was nearly effortless so I guess my thought is when you're ready, you're ready. I'd say for me you're right....when the switch flipped it just flipped. No effort once I got there with red wine and no effort now with white wine...at least last night.

Going for another AF tonight. I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh I forgot one thing. I too quit smoking, but I quit 15 years ago. I had a similar experience to you. Once I stopped after many struggles to stop I knew I could never pick up another cigarette again. For at least five years I had occasional cravings and stil sucked in extra pleasurable air when I passed a smoker. That's gone and has been for a long time. I think for me drinking is like that. I want to be a non drinker and the last six plus years have been my process of becoming that. It took awhile for me to develop problems with drinking so it will take awhile to unravel that with the help of TSM. So I say just keep taking nal and you'll get there. Right now you're in the phase I was in of drinking the same albeit less pre TSM. One day that switch will click.

Bmorri - although it might not seem it to you, you really are early days. It took me 11 months for Nal to work for me. The day it did I just suddenly didn't want to drink - and have not wanted to since! I STILL find it incredible and have even TRIED to have a drink since but cannot force myself. It is now about 16 months since I had one. I finally stopped carrying Nal with me about 4 months ago. I too was a smoker - quit for about 20 odd years then started again! Finally quit again a few years ago and will never have another one but like you, still like the smell now and then. My intake with Nal went down initially, then sort of stayed around the same (4 Guinness most nights) until my quit day. I thought it was NEVER going to work for me. Faith and patience..... that is all I can say! I have not read your thread so am not sure if you have been talking nal since May '16 or that is when you joined but please hang in there.

Cindy - how are things going for you? You too will get there - your journey has most definitely been up and down a lot! It is sounding positive now though - let us know please .....

hugs to you both,

Maggie x

Yay - Day two AF!

That's great, Half!