Hi Everyone, I have been so busy and more very sorry to have been away from this board for so long.

I post in complete honesty and in hopes of encouraging others. Here is where I am at:

I am still drinking vodka every night. I am not proud of that fact. I know that this has slowed my recovery and I am ashamed to admit it. I know that switching to light beer would do me wonders of good. I just keep putting it off for later...

I take NAL every time before drinking. I have exercised every day for most of the last 4 months and finally have gotten my weight down a bit. I am not where I wish I was, but it is progress.

Everything in my life continues to improve. I am more effective at work, I am a better father in every way, and a better husband.

I have no worries when I go out socially that I will DWI. I am in education, and June means lots of social events that in the past I would attend, and try to keep my drinking reasonable. I often failed. Not any more.

With NAL, I am 100% sure that I can have 2-3 drinks comfortably over a couple hours and drive home. My wife has no worries when we are together on such occasions. That is such an indication that TSM works. What a difference from before. The problem is that I always drink after I am home.

I can have a drink or 2 on NAL and not feel that compulsion to drink uncontrollably. I have been at this a long while with NAL (16 months).

I haven't had a stupid argument with my wife in forever. They were a daily occurance - pre-Nal.

I feel guilty for not having ended this TSM journey by now. I feel that I have the power to say no to the Vodka, but for whatever reason, I haven't.

Anyone who can relate to my story should be encouraged. TSM and NAL have saved my job, my life and my marriage. I am sure that I will be on the "cured" list someday, but am embarrassed that it has taken so long. Someone with more will in my situation would have been done.

I am finding it easier and easier to wait until later in the evening until I start drinking. Every night I go to bed or fall asleep with a drink undrank. I pour it out in the morning.

My wife us a Saint, but is getting a little frustrated that alcohol is still interfering with our relationship - as am I.

That is the truth of my situation as it stands, and I plan to be more active and supportive of others on this board throughout the summer.

Although I am not done with alcohol yet, I am certain that I would be dead without NAL and TSM.

Good luck and best wishes to all.

JDog - you've doubtless seen the recent rash of "long term" cures that have posted to the Cured list lately...very encouraging! Some people say to just be patient and let it happen, but I think it's normal - since we know ourselves so well - to look for the ways we BS ourselves and try to not keep doing that.

What you describe esp. reminds me of HalfaGlass who when she finally gave up her beloved wine, was able to move forward quickly to feeling cured. 17 months, all told, but that final change was key. Change is hard, and the people who have managed it admit it is esp. so at first. But they all stress how worthwhile it is, and what a difference it makes in the big picture. (I'm talking to myself, also!)

Your honesty is apparent, and it's really great you can readily list all the wonderful changes TSM has made for you so far. Your life sounds transformed, and when you're ready to face the next challenge, you'll know it. Maybe make a deal w/ yourself to try an alternate drink for ONE evening??? Maybe in a contrived situation where you don't have access to vodka???

Hi JDog, just read through all of your posts. And I'm really glad that your drinking has "changed" in such positive ways. I agree with Chrissie that it might be time for you to really push in some different ways. Leaving the vodka aside and trying beer again might be one way to go.

And maybe fighting that urge to drink when you get home from an event? What if you planned to put the car keys away, go right upstairs and quickly got into bed (in your pj's!!) and do your best not to pass the liquor cabinet at all? How would that feel? Would you lie there and have this horrible struggle with yourself and have to fight like heck not to rush downstairs and start drinking?

It's presumptuous of me to even suggest any of this I know because only you know what's best for you. But some people here who have taken a very long time waiting for the cure to "happen" have found that forcing themselves once in a while can bring good results. It may show you that you do have more control than you think. Waiting for the extinction to happen is one thing, but to break the "habit" is another thing altogether.

I suggest this stuff also because from reading your posts you WANT more progress...you're NOT satisfied with your new "control" and the better way you feel these days. You really do want to get those numbers down. So maybe it's time for a little forcing of the issue. Anyway, you are certainly right on the edge of a breakthrough if only you could convince yourself to grab hold of it!!!!!!

God bless you!!!

Another compromise step (if going to light beer is too big), would be to try diluting your vodka w/ water. This was a discussion we had on EL's thread a few months ago - she really likes her bourbon, and those hard spirits are so volatile to deal with.

Hello Everyone, I woke up today with a huge earache and needed to go to my Family Doctor. I dread the Doctor.

He is great. He knows that i need to get off the booze. He cares deeply for me and my family. I got him to give me the prescription to NAL many months ago...he has no idea that i am on TSM or that he saved my life by giving me that prescription.

My Blood Pressure is up again, because i am drinking still. He put me on BP meds again. (People who have read my entire thread will know that i went to a 28 day treatment center and my BP went to normal because i was off the booze.) Since I am drinking pretty much every day, my BP is up. I have the meds and will take them until this TSM journey is over.

I was so stressed sitting in front of him, knowing that I am using the NAL prescription to do TSM. I am so afraid that he would discontinue my prescription if i told him what i was up to.

I tried to tell him that I am sooooo much better with the alcohol, but he told me that I have to get off of the drink. I would not lie to him and deny that i am drinking almost every night. Of course, he is right. What is different now, is that I feel like I have 1 000 000 times more control of my addiction and can actually choose to cut back and get away from the poison.

I have had terrible moments in his office, pre-NAL, where i was almost out of hope.

I am hoping that this summer will result in my breakthrough.....NAL on everyone!

JDog so glad to hear your positive attitude even with the uncomfortable visit to the doctor. How fortunate you are to have a doctor you respect!! I can't go to mine for anything - get all my drugs on line...when I told him I was an alcoholic and wanted naltrexone he expressed amazement and didn't believe me!!!! I got 30 tablets out of him but that was it - no advice, no suggestions, no questions about me or my life or what I was drinking or how much - NADA. So count yourself very lucky that at least your guy cares!!!

You are so far ahead of the game now though. You know what you are doing and why, and you now know how to fix it!! So much better than in the past when you got got stinking drunk and had no clue eh?

So you're right, nal on!!!

You're getting there Dog. My wish for you is to give up the feelings of shame and embarrassment. Keep looking at all the control you have gained and keep telling yourself you'll make it.

Yes, you may need to work harder to beat back that vodka beast (and I know where you're coming from). But if the time is not yet right don't bludgeon yourself over it. You'll do it when you can. TSM is clearly working for you.

Thank you so much for that post. I really needed it.

Hey JDog - You are one of the old timers like me! I can relate so much to your story and it mirrors my progress in TSM almost to a tee. I am now firmly convinced that giving up my favorite drink (wine) at home was a necessary step for me. However, I am also firmly convinced that everyone's path in TSM is different and as long as you are seeing improvement, you too will "regain control." Like I have said, I just woke up one day and knew I could stop drinking wine every day at home, in my chair, watching TV, and pouring...pouring....pouring another glass. Until that day, I couldn't have done it. If I had tried I would have failed miserably and then been beating myself up for failing.

So, old timer....just keep going.

Hey JDog, I'm with you. Look, when I joined everyone was like oooh a 28 year old, she'll be cured immediately. AND yeah, I had immediate success with TSM. but it got my life to a "bearable" level. Not cured by any means...
I don't know what I mean to say except for the fact that a) I think we'll get there and b) even fi we don't get there, this place is better than before, no?