Congrats on making the one year mark with TSM! I wish the benefits could have met all your hopes by now, but it's good to see the progress that you have made.

I'm glad you plan to stick with it. Have you considered trying to up your Nal dose a bit and see what that does?

My sailboat is tucked away under a tarp and will be blanketed with snow before long. So I'll daydream about your warm, seagoing Christmas!

Hi Sticky. Good to read your posts. I enjoy your honesty and openness. Sounds like you have been keeping very busy and have been very social. Good for you- its great time of year for it. You mentioned about TSM being better after 2-3 years- thats correct. I think Dr Eskapa even mentions it in his book. Nutella posted recently and I think he mentioned it as well. I'm glad to hear your sticking with it and that your husband has acknowledged the effort that you have been making over the last year. Hope you have a great Christmas and New Year with your family.

Thanks Tiller & Warren

I appreciate your comments. It is great to hear from you Warren as you were such a great support to me earlier in my journey. I hope things are going well for you and that your (blended?) family have a great Xmas.

Cheers from downunder
(And we finally bet you in the cricket!!!!! Warren)

Sticky

Congrats Sticky! I'm glad to hear you are sticking with it even though your progress is not satisfying perhaps to you. The other options aren't so good, you know??
All best.
EL

Hi everyone

Had sworn I wasn't going to come on here again when I had been drinking because I always worry about what I have posted when I do. As usual I worry too much/over-react. Also if I have written something silly I have generally gone back and corrected it. Unfortunately I can't do that at social occasions and one of the down sides of drinking again is that I worry about what I might have said/whether people will talk about how much I drank (esp. the ones who know of my problem and were concerned about me doing TSM.)

When Warren said I could probably think of more advantages to doing TSM I guess my first thought was that actually there are some disadvantages too - ones that those of you who have never been in AA and/or had many periods of sobriety would relate to as well:
Hangovers again far too often
Possible health problems in the future
Worrying about what I have said/how much I have drunk and what others think of me
Being unreliable on occasion and hurting my family
OK, those last two also happened in my years of AA with the ADE effect kicking in from time to time I guess it's the third one that is the main problem.

Today was a really sad day. Our sick cat whom we thought just had cat flu ended up having cancer and we had to have her put down. When our last 2 cats died quite a few years ago it wasn't so sad as they were both very old (18 & 22ish). This one was only about 9 and we'd only had her 3 years. She replaced another Toby we got our 10-year-old and we only had him for 6 months. She was totally neurotic when we first got her, wouldn't go outside and had to go on cat anti-depressants twice!! She kept pooing behind the TV and hubby said he was going to take her back to the SPCA. When I spun out 3 years ago thanks to my drinking and had to stay at a friend's mum's house for a few days, hubby got another cat to replace Toby. Then amazingly she came right, had a total personality change and loved going outside. So much so that while we away 2 Xmases ago she kept running over the main road we live on to visit some people who fed her. I guess she had her 9 lives over and over. Also I am going thru a phase of sleeping badly so feel overly emotional. Had to try to hold it together for kids (after bawling my eyes out!!) plus get some work done and take my parents off to their cruise. They always bugger off at Xmas as my Dad hates it. Has been a source of some resentment since we've had kids as they only live around the corner from us. But then my Dad has my personality. Luckily for him never drank much as he knew it could be an issue. Not that anyone ever told me!! We had a nice lunch with Mum & Dad on Sunday & we are hoping to see them in the Bay of Islands on New Year's Day.

Anyway sorry for rambling but you guys are empathetic. Don't feel like getting on the phone to anyone as I have shed enough tears for one day!! Have texted my ex-sponsor/friend and had Mum & Dad's sympathy. And even though I felt I had to have a glass of wine at around 3.30pm (not good), I am only on my 2nd and it is 6.15pm. Hopefully I will crash out early as I wake every day around 4/5am at the moment and the busy day is a struggle. Not long now til holidays...

Thanks for being here everyone, even though it's not instantaneous.

Will update on Thurs if not before.

Cheers
Sticky

Oh dear Sticky, I am so very sorry for your loss! I know that when Ripley (my Pom) dies that I will die with him. So sorry. It was such an abrupt thing too. Big hugs to you from Juneau, Alaska.

And you hit your year anniversary!~ I am following your progress closely because I think it will take me more than a year at TSM.

Hang in there with your teenagers too!!!

Poor Sticky-- you sure are due for a juicy miracle or four!

Thinking of you and wishing you and yours a very happy holiday season,

Ketchikan1

Hi everyone

It's somewhat of a guess what my units this week were.

Sorry for rambling on about our cat. As I drank more I started blurting out all sorts of stuff on others' weekly progress - so my apologies if I upset anyone!

Yesterday I woke up feeling disillusioned about TSM. I am still hiding alcohol under the bed at the end of a heavy drinking session, which seems to be most times I drink lately. Was determined yesterday that I would not drink this afternoon (staff Xmas lunch at local Irish pub) and also at our family Xmas at my sister-in-law's on Sat. The latter is a $50 cab ride each way and neither hubby nor I can risk losing our licences again. He will expect me to drive if we don't get a cab as he only has a day licence for work for the next 5 months.

Of course today I feel much better after an AF day, so may well end up succumbing. Will need to explain to our longest serving staff member's wife why I am drinking today if I do as she knows about my alcoholism and will be shocked to see me drinking.

Will keep you all posted. Have a safe and happy run up to the festive season.

Cheers
Sticky

Week 1: 1,8,AF,3,AF,AF,3.5 total 15.5,3AF Week 2: AF,8,8,AF,AF,4,8 total 28, 3AF
Week 3: 4,8,AF,8,AF,5,AF total 25, 3AF Week 4: 16,AF,8,7,AF,10,AF total 41, 3AF
Week 5: 7,12,8,AF,8,AF,8 total 43, 3AF Week 6: AF,5,12,AF,AF,8,AF total 25, 4AF
Week 7: AF,14,AF,6,AF,5,AF total 25, 4AF Week 8: 8, AF, 12, 12, AF, 1.5, 1.5 total 35, 2AF
Week 9: 12, AF, 10, 2,AF, 10, AF total 32, 3AF Week 10: 9, AF, 10, AF,1.5, 6.5, AF total 27, 3AF
Week 11: 12, AF, 14, 3.5, 1, AF, 7.5 total 38, 2AF Week 12: AF, 8 AF, 9, 2, AF, AF total 19, 4AF
Week 13: 8.5, AF, 9, AF, 12, AF, 14 total 43.5, 3AF Week 14: 7.5, AF, 8, AF, AF, 9, 9 total 33.5, 3AF
Wek 15: AF, 9, AF, 9, AF, 9, 10 total 37, 3AF Week 16: total 34, 2AF
Week 17: total 32, 3AF Week 18: total 34, 4AF
Week 19: total 33, 3AF Week 20: 32, 3AF
Week 21: total 38, 3AF Week 22: 29.5, 4AF
Week 23: 34.5, 3AF Week 24: 36, 4AF
Week 25: 30.5, 3AF Week 26: 29, 3AF
Week 27: 22, 4AF Week 28: 33, 2AF
Week 29: 24, 4AF Week 30: 23, 4AF
Week 31: 19, 5AF Week 32: 29, 4AF
Week 33: 29.5, 3AF Week 34: 20, 3AF
Week 35: 35, 2AF Week 36: 20.5, 3AF
Week 37: 30, 3AF Week 38: 16, 5AF
Week 39: 32, 2AF Week 40: 23, 3AF
Week 41: 27, 3AF Week 42: 24, 4AF
Week 43: 37, 2AF Week 44: 29, 3AF
Week 45: 24, 3AF Week 46: 25, 3AF
Week 47: 29, 3AF Week 48: 25, 3AF
Week 49: 26, 2AF Week 50: 26, 1AF
Week 51: 20, 3AF Week 52: 25.5, 3AF
Week 53: 23.5, 4AF

Hey Sticky -- Yours is a long TSM road but you're not alone. Check the great post that Ketch put up in the cured list to see time frames. Stay with it! Given that you don't seem to be a daily drinker in may take longer to hit extinction. But you know that.

Sorry about the cat. And don't apologize for a rambling post. This is the place to ask for support!

It's great to read your AA stories! I live in Ann Arbor Michigan, the AA community here is diverse, most try to run a strict program like the old timers did that started the program. Certainly it is no where near the hard lines drawn when AA started. I am viewed as a hair green monster now for having a different point of view.

I'm sticking to being true to myself and following what I know is right for me. Yes I agree we are not doing anything wrong! I like sticking with the winners, TSM has a much higher success rate than AA without the guilt and shame. TSMers are winners!!! I am so thankful to have found this!

Happy Holidays

Hey sticky. Im so sorry about your cat. Please don't feel you need to apologize for talking about. This is a place to talk about our ups and downs because it all relates to our drinking. You shouldn't worry about drinking and writing either. It is something I'm sure a few of have done- I know I have! Know that I'm thinking about you!