Wow, three plus one later, is starting to sound almost "normal." Congrats!

BTW, I don't care if people talk about non-TSM methods, so long as they are not sticking their hand in my pocket reaching for my wallet while doing so. AND so long as they are not casting doubt on the legitimacy of TSM as they reach for said wallet.

Thanks! But please know that I will not advocate non-TSM methods on a TSM community. I am merely stating my personal facts. And I would never wish that my worst enemy would be sentenced to aversion therapy. It is truthfully the most repulsive period in my lifetime - 10 days of treatment and a full month of recovery from the treatment. I resorted to it because it was the "last chance" therapy, before I stumbled upon Naltrexone. And I still found a way around aversion therapy! Alcoholic minds are so devious. But still consider that I can't drink or think about drinking 98% of the world's alcoholic beverages. In that way it was successful.

TSM is surely working. Consider that an everyday consistent drinker over a period of time will need to drink more and more alcohol per day in order to get the same buzz. But since I have been on TSM, the opposite has happened. I have slowly gotten to the point where I imbibe at most the same as I did when I started, and at best, much less. AF days are more common, but still not exactly when I plan them to be. Today, I thought I would be AF, but when 5 PM came, I left the house to get a 6 pack, and after an hour, I began my drinking session. After 2 drinks, I initially didn't want anymore (new to me). But after a while I had another and had a hard time finishing that (also, new to me). I had a 4th, finished that one and consciously, and with full control, decided that it was enough. So, I may not be able right now to plan to stop for a day, but I now apparently have the power to stop once I have started, something I have never had since I have become addicted.

I am much more hopeful as I approach my 16th week, than I dreamt I would ever be as recently as last week.

If tomorrow is like this, then I know it is the beginning of the end-of-addiction for me. And if it isn't, I'll still stick around until I have tried for 9 full months.

"Somethin's happenin' here; what it is ain't exactly clear". - Buffalo Springfield

Bob

Great report, bobbo! My Jake had an amazing weekend, as well. He was drinking 75 or so upw pre-Sinclair (I had no idea it was that much). This weekend we went to a bar in a small lakeside resort town to hear a great band. The village is known for having cops crawling all over the place, stopping people who leave the bars. Jake decided to drink soda, and had NO PROBLEM doing so all evening!!! We got home, he had one beer as a nightcap (he'd taken naltrexone in the afternoon, when he had one beer), and hit the hay.

Yesterday we were out and about and stopped for a bite at a little restaurant he likes. Again, HE DRANK SODA! Had no desire for beer. We did go out later, and he had a few - but was under no compulsion to do so.

While I drank over the weekend, I also had very little craving. I can see clearly that there is a drastic change going on in regard to the way I'm relating to alcohol. The thoughts of it aren't compulsive, and though I'm still drinking too much, it's not even close to pre-Sinclair. This is a cure!!!!

After a promising start, Sunday was a disaster. Sunday is supposed to be my AF day, but I have been slowly, slowly lowering my Benzo dosage each weekend and it got to me yesterday. Just too much anxiety. So, I bought a 6 pack of Guinness, took my Naltrexone, and waited a very long hour. I had intended to have just 4 bottles. Although, I delayed between drink 2 & 3, then paused after 4, I had a 5th one. Then I finally had a sixth. Anxiety was temporarily relieved. I went to bed and woke up sweating about 4AM.

I took steps this morning to rectify the cause of the anxiety by altering my Valium dosage back up to last week's values, which I was stable on. I'll stay another week at this level before reducing again at an even slower pace. Good lord, it's hard to get off benzos! I have a good titration schedule that someone here graciously got me, but I am often so impatient with how slow it is, I forget the repercussions of reducing the dosage too quickly. Then, I pay for that impatience.

Today, at the time of this posting, I am approaching that vulnerable time of the day when I usually start my drinking session for the evening. I had a huge unhealthy lunch today, which has delayed my drinking start time due to my feeling bloated. The thought of pouring stout on top of the remains of a heavy fatty lunch is quite unappealing. But, usually the craving wins and I will eventually succumb. I only have 4 beers left in the house, so I will be limited to that tonight anyway.

Bob

Hi bob
Just to say i really admire that you are attempting to extinguish two addictions at once. Your determination is amazing. I can identify with your impatience. i have experienced a friend going through the benzo reduction process its incredibly slow. You may have you thought already about exploring alternative methods for dealing with anxiety such as meditation- there is some good data on its effectiveness.
Keep the faith!

Bob, I echo soulby's sentiments - you are an amazing example of perseverance and determination, combined with an intelligent, self-caring approach. You really are an inspiration!

I also echo her sentiments regarding meditation. Have you tried it? I find if I read something inspirational first, and then just settle in to 'think on' it, I easily enter into a meditative state - esp. if I've got some meditative music playing. It can change your brain wave patterns, which surely will affect your manic state?

I'm praying for you.

Thanks SbtS and G4M and WTE!
SbtS & G4M - I'm not a big fan of meditation because my mind doesn't go to into "idle" like a normal person. I have to stay occupied to keep my brain busy on something in order to keep life tolerable. If I medicate more to get rid of this malady, then I become a zombie (not the brain-eating ones, but a person whose behavior or responses are wooden, listless, or seemingly rote). Good suggestion though; thanks!
Yes I must admit that in looking at the ones who have more experience in this than I do, they had their ups and downs too. Why should I be immune to them? And to answer your last question: No. The lawn now resembles a wheat field. I really gotta mow!

Well, last night was a good one, 4 drinks total, similar pattern as the other 4 drink nights; 2, then pause, 1 then eat and pause again, and finally the last drink and go to bed. I woke up this morning feeling great! And I felt great the entire day. I brought a six pack home with me today, but I don't want to drink 6 and wake up fuzzy. I plan to drink 3 and have 3 tomorrow. Here's to our plans!

Bob

Summary: Last night, there were 6 beers in the house and I thought, what if I had 3, then I could have the other 3 tomorrow. After I had 3 last night, I was quite ambivalent about having another, then thought of my original plan and stopped with no effort.

Today, I took my Naltrexone and waited 1½ hours because I didn't feel like drinking. But since I did take the Naltrexone this afternoon, I must have at least one which I am having right now. I'm convinced that once I get started, I'll rip right through 3 in no time... or maybe not. I'll see.

EDIT: I enjoyed the 2nd beer, but the third one... I actually entertained the idea of dumping it half way through, but eventually finished it. Finally, I am finished drinking for the evening. This is scaring me in a way; it doesn't seem real.

Bob

Who are you and what have you done with Bob3d

This is great news!