Hang in there> Things will get better one way or another. I got sober for 6 months while my wife drank and refused to make up her mind about whether or not to come back. I stayed totally clean and made MASSIVE sacrifices and grew leaps and bounds. She left anyway. Now, a year later when I think she may be able to at least be friendly, she says "please don't contact me anymore" it hurts. and for some reason she's madder at me a year later than she was back then, i think it's her roommate, who is a friend of hers who always hated me. We met up and exchanged some stuff a month or so ago and she was nice (because she was getting money and pots and pans) but next time I ran into her she acted like I was a f***ing devil.

I hope it works out for you. Like you said, "Please love me again" just chases them away. I know because I did that. **** it! Just live your life and be happy. That's all we can do.

My wife continues to bring up how things "were" pre-TSM. I know our relationship suffered because of my alcoholism. As everyone knows, to an alcoholic, only alcohol matters. Now that I am not an alcoholic and my wife matters very much to me, our once close relationship will take time to heal which I hope will happen some day. She knows that I did not quit for me. And she knows that TSM worked. Today, she even knew I was starting on week 56 which surprised the heck out of me.

I guess that for a couple that was close at one time, the one that was hurt by the other may think, if not consciously but subconsciously, that it may happen again and they refuse to go through that again. I imagine a considerable amount of time will need to pass before they can trust again. It may be years.

And yes, the "love me again" approach, although a natural response for us, is not a successful way to proceed.

Bob

Hang in there ART

You need to do this for you. It may be that your relationship is truly over, or it may just appear to be. One thing for sure though - if you go back to your worst days (and any of us who have been there know what I mean here), then it will certainly be - that is if you don't drink yourself to death first. I don't say this in any condemnatory way - I was drinking at this level too and am still working on solving that.

just work on your problem and do the best you can in other areas of your life. What will be, will be. You have a group here for support, don't be shy of using them. I'm sure I'm not the only one who'd be happy to talk via pm etc if that suits better.

My best wishes

My friend Steve says "Pain is God's gift to artists. Do something creative. I wrote a bunch of songs when I was in the middle of it. some of the best stuff I ever wrote probably. I hate that you're going through it. If he says he wants to leave and decides to divorce, then encourage him to do so quickly. In my area there's a waiting period of 3 months for divorce. So after 6 months of separation and limbo hell, I told her to make a decision or I would file. I then made sure my ex filed quickly after she told me her decision. She still had 3 months to back out, I hoped she would but she didn't. but at least the limbo was over and I could start getting on with my life, She would've let me sit there in pain for 8 more months if I hadn't given an ultimatum. I think drunks are more sensitive people than most. We FEEL more. I think that's why we like to dull out those emotions. it's too intense. then we cause more emotional trauma with our drinking, and drink to dull that....

Oh ART...
I will PM you, but I am sooooooo sad and broken-hearted for you. You have endured this roller coaster for as long as you have been on here. Your husband is a masochist and is pissing me off with his bipolar abuse of you! I can hear and feel your pain and wish I was there to offer you a place to go. But hey - if you want to come to Houston for some R&R, mi casa es su casa, chica! I just wish you weren't living in hell w/ him!

Not to make light - I am just in anguish you are going thru this AGAIN!!!! Talk to an attorney. You have lived there 34 yrs., you are entitled. I don't know what CA laws are, but surely he is not entitled to everything just b/c he owned it before you married him THIRTY FOUR years ago! Can't you find some dirt on him like what happened months ago?? Alienation of affection...etcetctetc?? Seriously, be proactive and consult an attorney. Find out what your rights are, and stress the fact he has a history of being mentally abusive.

I wish I could tell you to stop being insecure and walk tall, but I know you feel beaten down and hopeless. All is not lost, though, my dear friend. Breath in & out. Take one hour at a time. Try not to drink too much - unless he's gone LOL :-)) You are a strong, talented, intelligent, BEAUTIFUL woman. Your husband will grieve his loss if he lets you go. And YOU may be better off without him. I know from whence I speak...my husband made me feel like an absolute loser b/c I drank.

I am not and neither are you a LOSER!! Nor is anyone on here - and look at us!! We have been at this for a year. At least we are trying!!! You have done great and deserve to be rewarded for your efforts. Yes, he should love you, but he is a big, dumb freaking doofus who is PLAYING you!!! And feeling lots of power over you while he does so. I hope you will soon snap out of the lethargy and get MAD!!! Take charge of your life, and turn him on his ear. Don't let him make you a victim! I know it's hard...

But consult an attorney ASAP and YOU be the one who scares him. I love you, ART - we all care and are your support group. Post and moan and do what makes you feel better. Just keep us posted. XOXOXOX

Hey Art -- I'm sending you a pm but don't have time right now. But I did want to share this with the members here. Our "Craving" also posts at MWO, and I am sharing a very interesting thread she started there:
http://www.mywayout.org/community/f20/b ... 40171.html
It's about how her drinking increased after she started Wellbutrin (bupropion). Sounds like others had the same experience. You may want to discuss this with your doctor and consider another antidepressant. Just one more thing to think about at this difficult time.

Sending good thoughts your way.