Week 10: "Steady as she goes, helmsman."
After a couple weeks of progress, the realist in me was preparing for a spike or backslide this week, but it never came. I'm happy as a clam that my units are inching down and I am getting very close to my target levels. Still no AF days in sight, but I am not at all worried. Even if I plateau out for a month or two right where I am - or again, if a temporary spike occurs - I am confident that the final drop will eventually happen.
In terms of what the experience is like in my case at this point, Craving made my update for me, in
this post offering support to WTE.
Quote:
-Did you ever drink a unit into one sip? I am not doing this anymore.
-Do you enjoy drinking? It appears to me that the pleasure of the taste is getting better. After all it feels more like drinking for the taste than for the alcohol (this is a very strange view for an alcoholic!)
-Do you have a cap? Do you feel like you can not handle a certain unit amount per day and you rather stop than feeling bad?
Bingo. To that I would add that I am no longer obsessing or even in a hurry to take my Nal so I can start. I can wait until dinnertime to pour my first glass, and there's usually still some left when I'm done. I occasionally pine for a beer at lunchtime on the weekend, but I'm "saving my units" for dinner. This means I'm still thinking about alcohol more than I'd like, but it's most definitely tapering down. I'm now able to actually carry out the internal negotiation and deliver on it.
Thanks to being able to follow along after the well documented experiences of other generous members here, I don't have much to offer that would be news to anyone.
I guess for myself it has been helpful to recalibrate in my mind what might be meant by the concept that the method works without need for willpower. For me the learning has been that it is requiring *effort* - which is not really the same thing as willpower. In my case, I guess I am consciously trying to "drive" my numbers. At least at this point I have to stop after my second glass (or before I pour it, so as to plan the rest of my evening) and try to make a conscious decision that "this is it - this will be my last glass tonight." And when it's done, it takes some small effort to make myself go to the kitchen and wash the glass and put it to dry, and grab a sparkly water to see me through the rest of the night. Once I am over that tiny, tiny hump, I am good to go ... I don't revisit the decision for more than a moment or two, and am happy with it and myself. It does not take any "willpower" to carry on with it, but it did take an effort to make the effort ... if that makes *any* sense at all! Pre-TSM, I would find myself back in the kitchen, grabbing another glass, and saying, "Oh well, maybe tomorrow ... " In the past week, there were two nights I'd given myself permission to go to three units, but after two I decided to make the tiny effort to see if I could stop even earlier ... and I did.
Steady as she goes, helmsman.
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