There is something about wine that makes it more difficult for me to control even under TSM. I think in my case it just has to do with the amount of fluid. My tolerance was so high that I could drink a glass of wine just as fast as a glass of beer, in fact I could put down 12oz of wine just as fast as a 12 oz glass of beer. The alcohol content was inconsequential. So I would always be drinking way more. The box wine is the worst, I'd fill my wine glass to the rim, slug a bit down to make it look like a normal glass, and carry on with the evening. It's just way too easy to poor and no one can see how much is left in the box! But a glass of beer is a nice sized cup of liquid and just seems to be, I don't know, more or something.

All this talk illustrates why TSM is more difficult in Humans with their complicated habits and social and psychological surroundings compared to Sinclair's rats. But eventually the far majority of us get there.

It works different for different people. Prior to TSM if I had a social engagement I'd drink 6 beers or a bottle of wine before going out then just you know, 'have a few drinks', come home and probably polish off another one for a night cap. So people would see me drink normally and perhaps not constantly offer me more. Little did they know I'd be getting my fill all along with the airplane bottles in the coat pocket, the flask in the boot and ordering the extra shot at the bar.

Ocean - thanks for you kind message. It made me think about deeper causes of my attachment to wine.

It I try to reason, how did addiction develop, the progression goes something like this:

- from teenage years, I liked partying. I worked hard and played hard. Many people from my teenage years were alcoholics. Many died. However, I moved on and drank responsible through out my studies. My first long term partner was not drinking and that helped - I drank only sometimes, with friends.
- after many difficult years, I started occasionally drinking alone at home. I was not happy about this, but actually I did not drink that much then. However, I was careful that kids and babysitters would not notices my drinking.
- then I met a partner who drank a lot. He and I would normally finish one bottle of wine while cooking and another during dinner. When relationship went downhill, I continued drinking in the evenings at home. If stressed, I could easily drink one bottle of wine per evening. I could, however, also easily have AF day.
- this went on for a few years. I often dated men who drank a lot. Usually we would split a bottle of wine per evening, but sometimes we would have more.
- when, I encountered an alcoholic who had long binges and then was abstinent for few months in a row, I saw the damage that alcohol does. After some disastrous time together, I realized that I cannot force him to stop his drinking and left. BTW, This guy also used to do what you mentioned - at parties go secretly to a bar to get an extra shot of alcohol and then continue drinking as others did.
- I continued drinking moderately myself, however, I noticed that I was by now actively thinking about the next drink. At parties, I would secretly have more drinks than my friends. I would look forward to have my glass toped up at dinner events, once or twice a week, I would drink a whole bottle of wine at home, I would drink a lot on planes, buy small bottles of wine and take them with me on train trips and when alone in hotels, order wine into my room or buy a bottle of wine and slowly drink it.
- I tried many times to limit my drinking. I was writing diary, counting units, occasionally stopped for a few days, but nothing really helped to change my habits.

What led to drinking was boredom, anxiety, mild depression, and finally habits.

The turn happened, when I read in The Atlantic the article about Nal. i read before the book by the same author which describes women's secret drinking and is called Her Best Kept Secret. I found the book interesting and the Atlantic article intriguing. This led me to start doing research on Nal and here I am.

Had great progress so far. Drinking only about 7 US drinks per week (or 14 UK units). And having one or two AF days per week. This is a huge change for me. However, I do not feel yet that I am cured. I still need to plan how not to overdo drinking - i.e. I am drinking slowly, plan AF days in advance, avoid having lots of wine at home etc. But so far so good. For now, I enjoy noticing that I am usually the slowest drinker at outings with friends - it is as if I forget to drink out of my glass and then I notice that others are already on their second glass while I am on my first. Very surreal for me! hope that in a few months cure will happen.

That all sounds great tam-tam, an so quickly!! Keep up the good work!! Newlife

Tamtam - your progress really is so good - I am really happy for you - and your story I am sure is something that most of us can relate to .....

Hugs, Maggie x

Thanks Newlife and Maggy for your kind words. You are both an inspiration for me.

I know that it is unrealistic, but I somehow feel "on the way" to cured. It has only been three weeks and my dosage of Nal is 12,5 mg. However, the change in my life has been profound. OK, I still plan AF days. And it helps that I do not have that many social obligations at the moment. Since I started Nal I did not have a drop of alcohol in my house, although there are two small bottles of wine in the fridge. I just drink tea when I come home from work. It also helped that kids are at the house now all the time and I have decided not to consume alcohol at home in front of them. Of course, I could have easily drink in secret (as I did in the past). But, I actually like the new "me" when I am with kids. I am far nice to them and far more fun to be with. In the past, I was often looking forward when they go to bed so that I can calmly drink. Now, I like spending time with them. There are also change with my body. I lost a few pounds, I feel more healthy, have more energy and no anxiety at all. Even in stressful situation, I am very together. In the past, alcohol would be the object of choice to calm anxiety and to procrastinate when difficult projects occur.

This week, I had 7 standard drinks all together and two AF days.

From now on, I need to slowly increase AF days. The next two weeks might be slightly difficult because I am traveling for work and there will be many opportunities to drink with colleagues. Then, I need to introduce more exercise in my life. And getting a little more sleep might also help.

But, at the same time, I do not want to be greedy. I already made a huge turn in my life by cutting down drinking to almost unbelievable level.

I am writing this in a restaurant, slowly drinking water from a large wine glass. I just noticed
that a lady at a table next to me drinks a large glass of red wine. In the past that would have been a trigger. Now, I have no feelings observing this scene. I do not envy her, I do not have an urge to order some for myself. The feeling is the same as if I were observing someone drinking a Coke. I would not crave that!

Before I started drinking about 10 years ago, I lost quite a lot of weight by working out in the gym and taking care of what I eat. I remember then observing a woman in my gym who had to loose a lot of weight. Over the months, I saw how with total dedication she succeeded. When I later saw some very fat people joining the gym, I was always tempted to tell them about the story of that woman and sort of encourage them that 2Yes, it can be done!" Now, I feel the same about Nal: "Yes, it is possible to change one's drinking habits." Now, that drinking is sort of sorted, of course, I need to hit the gym again full force. Alcohol over these last years prevented me to loose weight and no matter which regime I started, pounds would not go off. Happily, I nonetheless exercised quite a lot - so the damage was not too dramatic.

That all sounds wonderful tamtam. You may be a fast responder, which is what I hoped for but did NOT achieve. (Let's face it, all of us hope for it). But even if you are not and this is instead the honeymoon period and your drinking goes back up, HANG IN THERE and STAY THE COURSE. I am very happy for you reading this. XOXO Newlife

That's great tamtam. I too got turned on to TSM by that Atlantic article. I wonder how many lives that article will end up saving. I'm not quite the evangelical yet, only going on 8 weeks of TSM and still unsure, but if this works out for me the way they say it should then I will be on a mission to help people. I've always been one of those skeptics that never ever believes anything that is too good to be true but when I have two beers in one night I still cannot quite believe it.

Thanks for your kind comments, Newlife and Ocean. I have read tons of research on Nal and am very optimistic about it. There have been many randomized studies where people who took Nal and those who took placebo had very different results in regard to craving and consumption of alcohol.

I am finishing week 3 today and am very happy with the results. I only consumed 15,5 UK unites which is about 8 US drinks in one week. I hoped to have more than one AF days, but there was theater outing last night and a glass of wine with friends in the intermission. Today, happily is AF day and maybe even tomorrow.

The biggest change is happening in regard to "thinking about alcohol". In the past, I would look forward to possibilities to drink. If nothing exciting was planned for the day or if I was anxious or if I was procrastinating, I was looking forward to "me" time when I would be hopefully alone and drink a bottle of wine. It was as if thinking and reflecting on my life (as well as avoiding things that were unpleasant) required alcohol. Now, this is completely gone. I still enjoy occasional glass of wine but am not searching anymore for the opportunity to drink it. However, if social situation emerges where is wine, I am going to have it - in moderation. I was planing to have AF day last night, but when by chance I ended up in the theater with friends I took Nal before the first act and was then happy to order a small glass of wine. In the past, I would have ordered a large one!

nice going tamtam. I too was intrigued by the Atlantic article, and gave it a try. it's REALLY nice to have one drink somewhere and not feel the need to "prep" every time or worry about the next drink. the best to you!

I am currently deciding about AF day. I had one yesterday and feel happy about that. Today, I will have steak for lunch and usually I would have some red wine with that. I have a small bottle of that at home. Surprisingly, however, thinking about the taste of wine does not seem appealing. And, although, i take only 12,5 mg Nal before drinking, a number of hours after that I feel slight trembling in the head - a strange side effect which is not hard to endure but it is nonetheless not that pleasant. So, I am thinking about saving my drinking time for tomorrow night when I am visiting my friends who are moderate drinkers.

Th funny thing is that I do not physically crave alcohol, however, I still have the memory of times when I drank . So having steak without wine will be rather new for me. I wander if others dealt with such memories of food and wine and how they moved to creating new eating habits - where wine is replaced with water.