Perfect execution, wtg Magda!

Yay. I'm glad you're a fast responder. It's amazing how fast our brains can rewire, isn't it?

For the benefit of those new to us, I should probably mention that most people don't hurtle towards cured quite this quickly. It's usually months, not weeks.

I wonder what the trigger was? I guess it'll pop up again if it's important. Good thing you're carrying naltrexone with you, so that you weren't tempted.

Yeah, it's disconcerting. I was in company and I wish I could remember what we were talking about. Nothing stands out, other than maybe I was a little bored. Like you say, I'm sure it'll pop up again. It's as if my brain just picked that time to remind me how awesome it would be to drink. Scumbag. Lucky for me, part of my brain remembered how not awesome it would be to drink and hit the panic button. I appreciate that part of my brain.


Thinking back on my many, many attempts to quit drinking, I realize that there was always little window of time before I hit "F**k it!" where I wasn't yet grabbing a bottle, but I knew that it was probably going to become intolerable not to drink. The ability to take prophylactic action during that little grace period is why I think that this time really will be different. Also, the fact that I can't get high pretty much forces me to find another way to deal with whatever I'm finding intolerable.

Yes, exactly this. A thousand times this.

4 weeks down...

Wow. Six AF days in a row. Every afternoon I think to take my naltrexone, but then I decide to just wait and see if I feel like drinking and the next thing I know it's bed time. There is wine in the house, but drinking it on naltrexone is just gross.

This is almost happening to fast, but I'm not complaining. It is quite bizarre to be sober all the time, and I'm still getting my bearings, if that makes sense. I'm not close to being indifferent to alcohol - I often think that I'd love to get drunk, but I know I'm going to follow the golden rule, so the idea loses its appeal. This week I'm going to try drink on naltrexone at least three times, just to make sure I'm continuing the extinction process. I've been experiencing some sadness thinking about how I'll never get to feel the way alcohol used to make me feel ever again. I think that's unhealthy and dangerous, so I want to nip it in the bud.

I haven't had any thoughts of being non-compliant, so that's good, since at first I had them constantly. Thanks so much to those of you who have made me terrified of intermittent reinforcement! I am pretty confident that I will be able to muster the willpower to take a pill and wait an hour no matter how bad I miss the buzz.

Applause!

I had that for a while. It passed. I still get just a touch of it once in a while, but it's no stronger than if, e.g., I could never eat strawberry shortcake again. I think the strength of the grief is part of the addiction, and once the addiction's fully gone we realize we aren't really missing all that much.

Perhaps overv time alcohol just won't seem so important, and it will fade into the background.

WOOT, WOOT Magda, Congrats on the six days in a row AF. WOW!! I am very happy for you. I enjoy reading your posts and look forward to your success. You are very good at articulating the many dimensions of the TSM journey and how it effects you both emotionally and physically. Thanks for the insight. Keek

Week 5 down...

So, this has gotten really, really easy. I never thought that my relationship with alcohol would be easy, but it really is right now. I haven't even been missing the high. Getting drunk actually sounds kind of gross when I think about it.

My mother is visiting this week and has been guzzling wine in front of me. A couple of nights I took a nal and had a glass, but it really hasn't bothered me at all. Usually when she's here we go through three or four bottles a night between us. Yesterday I went to a happy hour get-together and had a single light beer. It's almost a waste of a naltrexone at this point. It was so weird knowing I would just be popping in for an hour or so and not heading elsewhere to drink more after everyone else left. When I accepted the invitation, I immediately took a naltrexone with no thought at all of not taking it. I do seem to have become conditioned to reach for a nal as soon as I decide to drink. Even that sentence is strange to me. I am deciding to drink, as opposed to feeling compelled to do so.

I can't attribute it all to TSM, because I have been making a concerted effort to take better care of myself with special attention to things that effect mental health, but following the golden rule for this short period of time has definitely resulted in huge change. It seems too good to be true, so I'm still cautiously optimistic, but I have never felt this kind of freedom.

At this point, I probably wouldn't say I'm still actively doing TSM as a strategy to stop problematic drinking. It feels more like I am just on with the rest of my life, where I will always take a naltrexone before drinking. I don't drink excessively, I don't drink alone, I don't drink every day and I don't obsess about drinking or not drinking. I'm guessing this is what normal feels like. I dig it.