There's also the question of what's possible.

I want never to become readdicted.
I want to enjoy free euphoria occasionally.

That does not appear to be happening. The nal is my armor against readdiction, and the nal blocks euphoria, so I don't see how I can have both of those things.

I'll adjust. I'll also continue my bogo-research in the form of screwing around with different variables, as the extinction proceeds.

Since this is supposed to be my "progress" thread and not my "crazy ideas" thread, I should probably mention something about my progress. It's still too early to be certain of much, but I'm already seeing changes. The habituation/withdrawal cycle, which was minor to begin with, appears to be gone. The mental fixation, although still there, is weakening a bit.

Well, here I am after two full weeks.

Things seem good. My consumption was just over half what it used to be.

Tonight I would normally drink more, since I've been doing an every-other-day thing -- not intentionally, it's just how it's been going. I'm guessing I won't really, though. I had so little sleep last night that I think I'd be best served by going early to bed after taking some Valium and melatonin.

The sleep issues are getting on my nerves. I've never been a champion sleeper, so the additional problems from naltrexone are pretty unpleasant. It's just got to be done, though. I'm committed to powering through the next few months by any means necessary.

I wish my husband were not also under tremendous stress. It would be nice if I could lean on him more, but that just wouldn't be fair.

As I planned above, I went back down to 25mg of nal for the last two times. It still worked, but on the most recent time I was afraid that I was enjoying it too much. I ended up taking a second 25mg as a sort of chaser, so the total was 50mg even though the first 1.5 or so were consumed under the effect of only the first 25mg.

Drinking is supposed to be no fun on nal, right? At least, that's what I learned from the first week or so. I know others have had very different experiences. I wish I understood the difference.

What does it even mean to enjoy something too much? Why do most people who try TSM continue to enjoy alcohol while also decreasing consumption? These and other questions nag me.

I won't drink tonight unless there's some massive improvement in how I feel. On the next occasion when I do, perhaps I'll go back to 50mg. I'm not looking forward to that, since the beverages will probably taste gross again. Perhaps I just need to acclimate.

Way to go milissa your numbers look great you cut you drinking in half you must be happy
with that start. you will have this rapped up in 3 months if you continue like this. keep up the
good work

Good job! It must be tough with the side effects. I have some, mostly increased hangover from less alcohol. Like last night - I had two drinks and woke up with a big headache. Luckily it went away.

I find that drinking is not as fun and I'm in a bit of a grieving stage about that. I'm counting on gradually not really caring as extinction grows. I am on my way as I'm not thinking that much about alcohol during the day and finding it a chore to drink when I do.

I think your questions about alcohol and the enjoyment of it will diminish as extinction occurs. I'm hoping to get to the point that I just don't really care about it or think about it that much.

Take care and good luck!

Yeah, I hear you on that. Except for the part about not thinking about it. Last night I really missed that buzz. I didn't crave alcohol, exactly. I just missed that easy happiness.

I envy those who still enjoy it and still see progress. Still, we can't always get what we want in this life.

Gotta stay committed. A cure doesn't work if we don't comply with the protocol.



I hope you're right.

You're already doing well, maggiemay. It looks that way from here, at least.

I'm getting a bit sloppy about waiting a full hour. So far it hasn't made a difference, but I should be firm with myself on that. That's how people end up having to start TSM all over again. Half an hour would be fine, since I'm pretty sensitive to the stuff and I always quarter the tablets, but this "enh, fifteen minutes is good enough" stuff needs to stop.

My sneaky subconscious is probably looking for a way to get a taste of that familiar high. I don't want to let it run the show.

So, yeah. After three weeks, it's clear that TSM works. I'm still dealing with the emotional fallout from that. This is not new -- I've been talking about it for some time -- but I guess it will remain my progress report until I'm done with that process.

Well, your numbers are still falling. Stay strong on the hour and you are golden.

Well, falling until last night. Last night was bad.

In some ways abstaining would be easier. Then again, I'd get no extinction and my mental fixation on alcohol would continue. Indifference is sounding like the Holy Grail at this point.

I'm working on other ways of coping with things I used to escape by drinking. These are mostly related to my son, who has some pretty bad behavioral problems. A month ago, I checked out and I flew. Now, with no high, I'm stuck with being mentally as well as physically present.

I sure did give it a good try last night, though.

I should shower, but I feel too crummy. I think I'll eat breakfast, put on comfy clothes, and goof off until I feel like I could nap.

Oh Melissa, it's hard at times. I certainly understand the feeling of coping with the tough things that life throws at us by drinking. My son has Autism so I hear where you're coming from. If I'm not dealing with his behaviours, I'm worrying about his future. As this process goes on I've found it easier to cope without the booze. It was hard at first. Suddenly there was a lot of emotion that I had to handle without a glass in hand, but it has got easier. Learning to sit with my feelings and not run away from them has been an important part of all this. Hang tight...you'll get there in the end.

The Holy Grail of indifference...I think that's what we're all searching for. It's out there. Some people have found it and reported back about it. It seems to be taking me a while to find it, but when I do I'll happily sip from that instead.

Nal on!

This. A thousand times this.




Now that is a beautiful quotation. I may tighten it up a bit and add it to my signature.