Hi Chrissie, I think we are very similar in the way that we drink: Although I have pre-TSM had binges--defined personally by a hell-bent, get-out-of-my-way, mission to get as drunk as possible--for the most part I was just a nightly drinker. And over time, this nightly habit started to look more and more binge-y, because of simply drinking more and more concomitant bad behavior.

Anyway, TSM has totally gotten rid of (as far as I can tell) the mental/emotional aspect of the binge behavior--while I still sometimes "want" to get a buzz, escape, etc., there is no longer a violent quality to that desire.

In the meantime though, it has been a slow and steady, turtle-like race (if you can call it a race) for me to reduce the AUs in the habit "sector." I am actually fine with that (remember the turtle won, after all!) and noticing my numbers coming down. Like you, I have been attracted to the idea of AF days, but I am trusting my instincts for now to "know" when I am ready. Part of my conscious thinking about AF days and not forcing them, too, has been that I suspect, as you report, that forcing AF days before you are really neurologically ready, can set off an ADE.

So my hope for you is for you to honor your particular process--maybe it's a more peaceful road than many others have to travel in their TSM journey? Let's keep dawdling on together, my fellow turtle...

All the best to you. I think you're doing just great.

Deja

At 9 weeks, I'm dutifully checking in, but w/ another big bounce on the aus. However...I think I'm okay with that. I mean, starting out we ALL hope we will be the "Dream Team" Rapid Responders, right? but most of us are NOT. On the other hand, most of us DO get there: cured! So I'm realizing I didn't win the TSM lottery in this regard, and instead must keep plugging away at my "day job", which is: Nal + Drink + Patience (& I particularly dislike that last "P" word!)

Last week in recognizing my spike, I just tried to follow the program, and as I really look forward to drinking each evening, I just went with that - I didn't resist it. I've read and thought a lot about will power versus "drinking to satisfaction", and I'm somewhat torn on that, but for now I've decided its "let go and...let science".

This next week there will be some natural opportunities for AF days, as I will have a delightful (tee-totalin') houseguest, and there will be a lot of busy fun & distractions going on. I think some lower aus would cheer me up, at this point. Thanks to everyone for their help and suggestions!


Chrissie


Pre TSM: 35 - 40 au
Week - au - AF - cv (craving, average)
Week: 1 - 28 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 2 - 26 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 3 - 24 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 4 - 24 au - 1 AF - cv 6
Week: 5 - 24 au - 1 AF - cv 5
Week: 6 - 24 au - 0 AF - cv 3
Week: 7 - 22 au - 0 AF - cv 4
Week: 8 - 24 au - 2 AF - cv 4
Week: 9 - 34 au - 0AF - cv 5

Week 10, done deal. Hmmm...no interesting symptoms to report. I guess I'm in the "treading water" part of TSM: the "pre" days are well behind me (thank goodness!), but the destination isn't showing yet on the horizon. I sure miss that old honeymoon! I did have lower aus this week, due to 2 AFs. One of the AFs was inspired by a hangover, and the other was induced by antabuse. I'm close to my college-aged niece who came to visit last week. She is an extraordinarily wonderful person (imo) who overcame a drug problem 2 years ago, and has completely turned her life around (now pre-med straight A's). I thought it would be sporting of me to not drink EVERY night she was here, but finding I lacked the moral fiber to do that, turned to mothers little helper, antabuse.

Like Deja, I'm wondering if it's time to "bear down" on the program a bit, or to set some goals. I still careen into each evening looking forward to drinking, but perhaps I should set a goal for # of aus, and definitely go for 1 - 2 AF days this week. Yeah, that sounds doable (mid day!)

Chrissie

mid-day it does sound easy doesn't it! i know i think it every day! i'm still having trouble with the af. i know it's habit, but i still cave for the most part. all i really need to do it make it to 7pm and i'm good. 5-7 - the witching hours. i think it's fine to set an af goal, but if you struggle, it's ok. you are still early on. it's especially hard to be patient when you know you won't be in the 3-4 month cured frame and the road seems long. your numbers are up but i bet you see a drop again in the next few weeks. probably not over the holidays, but i bet in january.

happy holidays!
pep

Don't stress yourself out too much if you can't have more AF days now - it's still REALLY early for you you'll be able to exert more willpower later if need be. Have a wonderful holiday and take care of yourself!

Hello, fellow travelers,

Re: my TSM progress, my numbers aren't changing much but I'm feeling a subtle change in my path. Not a dramatic turn like Tillers (wtg! I'm still thinking about that!), rather a shift in my direction. Maybe like an ocean liner receiving a call to "return to port": it takes a LONG time to slow that baby down and get 'er going the other way, but it CAN be done.

Last night DH went out early in the evening to a meeting, which doesn't happen that much: we're both homebodies. Pre TSM, those evenings on my own have been secret pleasures, as I can do what I like: do my hobbies and drink, w/ no need to be discreet. Last night, I felt some happy anticipation of that, followed by DISMAY that I still feel that way! But it occured to me I could make a plan to not drink too much, and just see what happens.

And...so...??? Tally for the evening: two beers, that's it. Really, the old man leaves for the evening, and that's the best I can do??? And I was completely happy - no white knuckles involved. Part of my plan was to deviate from my usual pattern of doing my hobbies and drinking. Instead, I watched a recorded show I'd been saving (w/ a can of Fresca). Changing that one thing - combined w/ the increasing disinterest Nal is providing - derailled a path I've been down many, many times, and I am SO encouraged! Really, I'm stunned w/ how last night went, and it is a real confidence builder. (Please remind me of this victory in the fits and starts in my TSM future!)

Chrissie

Hi Chrissie

Well done!! Only 2 beers. Isn't it an awesome feeling? And so good to be able to wake up the next day feeling refreshed. No guilt and shame. You are still very early on in your journey, so buckle up for the roller coaster ride and hold on to these achievements if you get disheartened.

Cheers
Sticky

Seems pretty dramatic to me, Chrissie. Congrats!

I will definitely remind you of this if you hit a snag downstream. This is a day worth celebrating. And I love that you're downing Fresca. A favorite, old school drink!

TSM is working for you Chrissie! No doubt about it.

I realized I hadn't updated my own weekly progress thread recently, as I've been so busy crashing everyone else's "parties"...in fact, I briefly panicked until I FOUND my thread (which had regressed to the second page, for cryin' out loud). Had I been voted off the island? Had Admin "poofed" me? and the worst fear of ALL, had I imagined TSM, and the TSM Forum??? Say it ain't so!

Whew! I hit "next" and there was my thread, and yes, I AM awake and alive and life is good, and much of that is easily attributable to TSM, and this forum. (It's morning now, so you know it's not the liquor talkin'...maybe a ((small-ish)) coffee buzz, though!)

Anyway, things are overall going well. My #'s are dropping modestly, and I seem to be acquiring more AF days. Sometimes they are totally effortless and spontaneous, and sometimes I plan them. At any rate, they are in NO WAY like AF days I forced pre-TSM, which were tense, and deeply resented by my inner...Sinclair Rat. And sometimes (as noted recently on other threads), there is a tendency to maybe go overboard the next day: I can wake up after an AF feeling pleased, and yet I can also feel a "gleam" in my eye, thinking about happy hour... But even then, I don't always go off the deep end. The whole alcohol dynamic is losing it's drama, and no longer eclipsing my life.

So all in all, it is good...and getting better, and I'm much encouraged, and not so hard on myself over the little binges (oh, lets just call them Extinction Bursts - that sounds so much better!!!)

I'd better go now, and leave some Happy Face emoticons for the rest of you...

Chrissie