Hi Gweneth, that's pretty much what I'm hoping:that 3 years sobriety prior to TSM will make it easier for me but I'm starting to have my doubts, I definitely feel the honeymoon is over, more drinks tonight, 5 or 6 dls of wine and no "Enough". I've lost enough, if anyone finds him could you please phone .....

I wanted more tonight but felt I should control myself because of the company I was in. Old habits are creeping back like watching how slowly others drink compared to me, feeling angry if my glass is filled less that the others, wanting more but being afraid to ask... I know this is part of the process, that I must get through this part before I gain control, I also know that my drinking is not worrisome for the moment, nowhere near where I was pre-sobriety and nowhere near the struggle and suffering of others on this forum. I really hope I don't have to go back to where I was 3+ years ago to gain control. But I guess I've started, so I must finish.

Oh, crikey! more booze tonight, about 8 units. "Enough" is definitely AWOL, "More" has taken his place! I'm somehow managing to control myself because I feel that I should follow the pace of the others, but I fear the worst if I were left alone, I'd probably not eat anything and just keep drinking, but having said that, I am very much aware of the difference between drinking with Nal and without. It's an odd sensation, as if I were physically drunk but my mind less so... ? maybe one of you can verbalise that better. Still, it's my 5th night drinking in a row, that's a lot given that I haven't drunk in 3 years! I'm looking forward to Drink O'Clock a bit too much!

I would not be too hard on yourself Curi. It's only natural that if you have been rigidly abstaining from doing something pleasurable for 3 years, and then allow yourself to do it again, that it will be difficult to moderate. We all accept it's difficult to moderate our drinking purely because we know we should, I mean that's pretty much why we're here trying TSM. So it's not surprising you're drinking most days.

Just keep recording accurately and journalling your experiences, is my advice. While I have had my own ups and downs with TSM and other treatment methods, it's only that I've recently started recording my efforts (via this forum) that has enabled me to look back and see really clearly where it is I'm going wrong.

It sucks when "enough" goes AWOL.....
But in all seriousness, this will work...even if it gets a little rough in the meantime. Hey, maybe you'll be as lucky as me and get the nal-vomits which prevent you from drinking too much?? (I kid, I kid!)
Good luck and nal on!
EL

Thanks Gweneth and Lou!

After taking a day off drinking, I wanted to drink again last night. I went to take a Nal and then brushed my teeth, and then I couldn't remember if I'd taken the Nal or not!! so I took a (maybe) second one, to be sure, to be sure. I didn't feel any difference which means I probably hadn't taken the 1st one but I do need to be more mindful when taking it from now on!.

I still wanted to drink more than the others and I feel the same frustration and slight anger that I can't, I am back to my old habits of watching enviously how slowly others are drinking, and drinking thoughts are occupying my head a lot, I know this is par for the course and will only last a while, I also know that things will get worse before they get better which kind of makes me want to drink a lot now to get it over and done with, I don't know if there's any feasibility in that, probably not. I'd like to drink on my own once or go out with bigger drinkers than those I usually frequent, to see if "Enough" is still around- I want to know if it's just a question of increased capacity, or if I wouldn't be able to stop myself at all, would I drink to black-out?, I really need to know which it is because I feel very frustrated with this self-imposed moderation, it's like have the preliminaries and then no sex! I just can't get an opportunity to do it for the moment.

Curi

I had enough tonight after about 6 units. I felt tired and "full" and I really didn't want any more. I wonder if this has something to do with the fact that I took my Nal over 2 hours before I had my first drink... ? I will experiment further with this.

I'm never really sure of how much I'm drinking because I drink wine and mostly in people's homes, so my unit counting is really only guessestimating.

I know how it goes with measuring units - I usually can tell how I feel after a certain amount of alcohol, though, so I use that in conjunction with guesstimation to figure out the units. It might be harder for you since you haven't been drinking for three years though...either way, the numbers are helpful but the numbers don't tell the whole story, so no need to obsess as long as you are not actively lying to yourself about them.
EL

Yeah, I think that's the important part, E Lou, not to lie to myself about the number of units.

I had about 8 units tonight and it definitely felt like more!! I really wanted to get trashed tonight, I wanted to drink and smoke, and be left alone to do both!. I know part of this is a knee jerk reaction to a controlling remark about my alcohol consumption tonight, the remark made me angry, unjustifiably so, I saw red and just wanted to let rip! Why? Because I think at that moment I had no control over that particular situation, and that pissed me off no end!

Yeah, I think that's the important part, E Lou, not to lie to myself about the number of units.

I had about 8 units tonight and it definitely felt like more!! I really wanted to get trashed tonight, I wanted to drink and smoke, and be left alone to do both!. I know part of this is a knee jerk reaction to a controlling remark about my alcohol consumption tonight, the remark made me angry, unjustifiably so, I saw red and just wanted to let rip! Why? Because I think at that moment I had no control over that particular situation, and that pissed me off no end!

I was quite hung over yesterday, very tired, it was basically a wasted day! Today I wasn't feeling too chipper either. Tonight I took half a Nal to see if it made a difference, it did, I felt more normal and not spaced like I sometimes do on 50 mg. I had 2 units of wine, if that, and I was able to stop easily.

My 1st month is up, here are the numbers:

24-30.06 1 5 0 0 0 3 3 = 12
01-07.07 0 0 0 0 4 8 4 = 16
08-14.07 6 8 0 5 0 0 0 = 19
15-21.07 8 0 0 6 8 0 2 = 24

Very definite increase there! I'm not looking forward to hitting 50-60 units in a week before things get better, if they get better. So far I have learned that if I drink closer to 2 hours after taking 50mg, I'm more in control of my drinking, and perhaps taking only 25mgs makes me feel more normal and hopefully less hungover the next day ... we'll see.

Curi