Thanks for the offer to top me up Revert - I really appreciate it! I should be okay for now - I ordered 120 pills from River but I have about 40 on hand here still.

Last night I decided to cut my dose in half to see if I had less side effects and it seemed to work well. I bought a bottle of white wine because I had a friend coming over. In the past I would have bought two just to make sure there was enough for me but I can honestly say my interest is really dwindling and I feel less need to have booze here. This is the first bottle of wine I've bought in a over a week! I'm trying to just drink when I go out or when I have people over. We went out for dinner and I ordered a glass of wine but also drank two pints of water while sipping. Normally I would have blazed through the glass and ordered another, but it just didn't interest me as much. We went back to my house after dinner and sat out on the deck and had another glass. My friend is on anti-depressants and not much of a drinker so she only had half hers and gave me the other half. I drank water like crazy again while we were chatting. All in all, I went off to bed with just 2.5 glasses of wine in me (and copious amounts of water) and had no crazy heart palpitations and no headache this morning. Hurray to that. There is still a half bottle of wine in my fridge and I'm going to try to resist it tonight because I have a ton of work to do right now. Tomorrow is another story, we'll see how it goes. I have soccer with my drinking buddies which always ends up in a drunk fest afterwards. Last summer I was taking my nal before soccer because there are always beers passed out after the game so I had to be prepared, but I read something from Eskepa the other day that said to avoid the things you love while taking nal (sex, sports, etc.). He suggested having a day off after nal, then doing something you love the next day (which would be tomorrow if I can avoid the wine tonight) and there should be an upsurge of endorphins - you'll actually enjoy your activity even MORE than normal. I'm shooting for that! My game is at 3pm so I'll just take it after and avoid that one beer post-game, but have some at the pub around 5pm.

Gee that sounds so great, having a friend over and not panicking that there's not going to be "enough" because we used to think there would never be enough!!! Thanks to naltrexone that horrible feeling seems to leave most of us. We may be drinking but it's "different" now, eh? I feel such hope reading your post! For you, and for me too.

I don't envy you a soccer game in this heat!! But then you sound like a young sprout so you can take it...me, I'll be huddled by the AC tomorrow with a book and tea until "nal + 1 hour + drink = cure" time. Have fun at the game

Yes, Revert, I didn't envy anyone of us in that heat yesterday, but it was fun nonetheless. After the game when the beer got tossed around I had a brief moment of 'I wish I'd taken a nal' but then it went away. Awesome. Later on at the pub I had three pints over the course of 5 hours. I ordered a fourth but never really got to it. I was feeling like I used to as far as tipsy goes, but I just didn't want to drink anymore. On my way home I was thinking about the half bottle of wine in my fridge because two months ago I would have downed that when I got home too, but last night I just came in, had a big glass of water and went to bed. Drinking the wine just seemed so stupid to me. It was a nice place to be. That and waking up with no hangover today.

This week was a bit different for me. I had to spend the week out at my mom's place while she was up north with my sister who just had a stillborn. Terrible news all around. I was stuck out at my mom's because I don't have a car, which was fine because she has a pool so my kids were entertained. I had lots of homework to do and could accomplish it at her place. Since I hadn't planned to be there I didn't have all my vitamins and I noticed a big difference not taking them. My cravings were higher this past week, which I think is part vitamin, part stress. Luckily I had a bunch of nal with me though. The week before last I had cut my dose to 25mg to see if it cut down on the side effects, which worked, but with my cravings up I decided to up it to the full 50mg. It was a pretty 'normal' drinking week for me, meaning I drank no problem, which bothered me. I still feel differently when taking it and drinking but it wasn't like the previous two weeks. I know, honeymoon and all. I'm back home now and back on my vitamins so hopefully that will help.

PRE NAL AVG 44units/wk with 2AFs
Week1: 0/0/0/0/0/0/7.7 (7.7 6AF)
Week2: 6.7/7.7/0/0/0/4.5/0 (18.9 4AF)
Week3: 3.9/0/8.5/9.5/0/4.2/5.9 (32 2AF))

Units up again in week 4. I was stupid about it too, and didn't drink as much water while drinking so my hangovers were bad. Made a bigger effort for week 5 and had four AFs, but two nights of 11 units each, which is brutal. I need to be thankful for the trend going down, despite week four which saw me at pre-nal units. It was a terribly stressful week so I'm giving myself a pass.

PRE NAL AVG 44units/wk with 2AFs
Week1: 0/0/0/0/0/0/7.7 (7.7 6AF)
Week2: 6.7/7.7/0/0/0/4.5/0 (18.9 4AF)
Week3: 3.9/0/8.5/9.5/0/4.2/5.9 (32 2AF)
Week4: 8.4/5.8/6.3/8.4/0/7.7/7.7 (44.3 1AF)
Week5: 7.7/0/11/11/0/0/0 (29.7 4AF)

Well, I am back at it. Had a rough few months and stopped taking the nal. Why? I'm not sure. Stupid all around. I started dating a guy in September who was a BIG drinker and I kind just jumped on his bandwagon and went with it. It was pretty bad, and I found myself drinking more during the week than normal. Usually I can resist Tues/Wed/Thurs drinking, but the cravings were brutal and I'd find myself drinking those days on certain weeks. I broke up with him mid-November - his drinking and MY drinking with him scared me. It was a good wake up call that I need to get back on this program and really stick to it. I had one night after our break up where I drank 1.5 bottles of wine and felt like absolute crap the next day. I realized I needed to make a change or I'd end up being my dad soon enough.

So, I'm back to my Tues-Thurs a/f days. Friday and Saturday the last two weeks I've only had one glass of wine. It's my Sunday/Mondays that are a challenge because my kids are with their dad. Three weeks ago Sunday I managed to stop after two pints and one glass of wine, and two weeks ago Sunday was four glasses of wine. Unfortunately this past Sunday I drank a bottle, but I felt the effects of the Nal more - I realized I was drinking even though I didn't really want it. Monday I managed to just drink two pints of beer and a glass of wine. I'm shooting for a/f through to Saturday this week because I'm going to a party that night and expect it to be a drinking night. Hopefully I can keep it under three drinks and make sure Sunday is an a/f day as a trade off for Saturday. I'm really hoping to keep my drinks under 7 a week, which is what is recommended for women my age (44). I've started tracking my drinks again at drinkaware, which is really helpful to see where I'm at.

Wish me luck!

Dec6-12th - 24.5 units/3AF
Nov29-Dec5 - 11 units/4AF

Well, good for you, removing yourself from that drink-conducive environment. It sounds like you're already way better, just from that. And I like your detailed plan for future drinking events, and setting goals...it all sounds good to me!

Agree with Chrissie that it's good that you've cut off the relationship with the drinking boyfriend. Glad you realized his companionship was a recipe for disaster. Welcome back to the program here. Wishing you much success in this next stage.

Thanks so much Chrissie and Gott, I think it's imperative to have a plan in these early days - and stick to it! So far so good. I was really interested to read your thread Gott - you seemed to have such quick success with Nal but it was definitely helped along by your will power. I think it's folly to assume we'll kick this with a pill alone - there is so much more to it. I went a full year without drinking about 4 years ago, and I remember how great I felt then. I was extremely interested to read TakKat's thread, as he also had quick results with Nal. It seems being mentally prepared is a huge factor, and I'm not sure how motivated I've been each time I've started (twice now - this will be the third - third time's the charm?). My health is my primary concern now, and being around for my two beautiful children.

I think what I've come to realize is I have had a low grade malaise forever. I find myself zoning out frequently and just staring off into the distance unable to focus. I work in spurts and starts, often going through phases where I work like a dog, then crashing and doing nothing for days. I'd like to be more consistent in my work habits. I think it comes with the same brain that made me an addict - all or nothing, you know? I was really interested in what TakKat had to say about low does nal and I think I might give it a go for a few days to see what happens. I'm just tired of my low energy and constant feeling of being bored, which drives me to drink to be more exciting. We all know how exciting drinking is at this stage though - drink, watch tv, drink, play on the computer, drink, pass out, have a hangover. Yuck. That year I didn't drink I did so many more interesting things, and I definitely wasn't bored.

Anyway, thanks again for the support. Time for the next phase!

I managed to stick to my weekend plan. In fact, it went better than I expected, which is great.

I decided to try the low dose nal on Thursday and Friday night. Thursday night I had trouble falling asleep and then some move vivid dreams than normal, but Friday was great. Both Friday and Saturday I felt more energetic and less zoned out, which is what I was hoping for. Friday night I took my kids skating and we didn't get home until 9:30pm. I didn't think of booze at all that night, and usually Friday night would call for at least a glass of wine while out eating with them. Instead I had a diet coke. Saturday was my friend's party out of town, so I was staying over. Normally that'd be a huge cue to drink a ton since I didn't have to go anywhere. I arrived early to help set up and get the food ready, which also would have been a big pre-drinking time, but I just had water until guests arrived at 7:30pm. I made sure to drink lots of water throughout the night (one glass of water to one glass of wine) and kept my drinks to four. At 11:30pm I was tempted to have another, which would have put me over the top but I opted for bed instead. I felt only slightly tipsy, but not nearly the way I would feel without nal after having four drinks.

Sunday was my usual night alone with a bottle of wine to keep me company. I am trying to be really good about water and making sure I eat before nal, which seems to be helping. I had my first drink at 6:30pm and by 11:30 I'd only had four drinks (prior to nal I would've polished it off in a few hours) and didn't want anymore. I paused with a full glass and just sat on it, thinking about whether or not I really wanted it. I kept thinking about everyone on the board who has had success, and how they realized those moments and acted on them - took advantage of the apathy and didn't drink through it like they normally would have. My brain really was conflicted about drinking or not drinking, but the pause really helped, it made me realize I was tired and just wanted to go to bed. It was quite wonderful to realize, and I dumped out my glass and the wine left in the bottle.

I'm happy to see my numbers in the Lower Risk category at Drinkaware, but I know they're weekly numbers. I am drinking unsafe numbers in one sitting. Anyway, onwards. This week will be AF because I have a ton to do before Christmas, but Friday will be a party. I'd like to try and keep it to three this time, my kids will be with me so it should be easier. And I'm going to keep doing the low dose nal in the meantime.

Nov29-Dec5 - 11 units/4AF
Dec6-12th - 24.5 units/3AF
Dec 13-19 - 12 units/5AF