Well, it is 10:30PM and I had my NAL, 10 units and stopped.

In the end, I took my pill around 3pm and settled down to watch the NCAA bball tournament and have another extinction treatment. I have stopped for the night, had some chicken, a vitamin and lots of water. I never, never, would have been able to do that before TSM.

This is one of my traditional triggers/habits and I figured that I would take my NAL, wait an hour and attempt to extinguish this habit. The fact that I am lucid, have booze available to me, and am choosing (happily) to go to bed, is a very good sign I think. 10 wAs more than I wanted to have, but I did seem to have enough after that. Which is good I think.

I am hopeful that this will work and that I am chipping away at the Demon within me.

Since TSM is a long ride, I think it's important to notice all of the positives along the way. It's great that you are noticing that already you are able to control yourself in ways that were unthinkable before TSM. This is proof positive TSM will work for you. I am often surprised when I read people's progress threads at how disappointed they are in the process. They want their "cure" and they want it yesterday and will be complaining, but a review of their numbers usually shows that they are drinking at a tiny fraction of what they were pre-TSM. So the bad news about TSM is that it's a long, roller coaster ride, but the good news is that if you take time to think about it, there are clear indicators of progress every step of the way. Sometimes they are easier to see than others, but they are almost always there if you look closely enough.

I have no doubt you are on your way to regaining control.

One last thing about extinction. I agree that every time you are triggered to drink, you should take the Nal and drink through it. However, it is not necessary that just because you once had 15 drinks in a session that you "drink as you always did." If you can easily stop after a few drinks, you should do it. And later, after you've been on the method for months, I would argue you should be actively looking for ways to keep your numbers down from really high figures. The key is the number of extinction sessions, not the quantity you drink each time you drink.

Good advice Nick, and I really appreciate you keeping an eye on me. Big all-day drive home from March Break today.

I love everyone on this board. I read a whole bunch of TSM stories this morning that were very inspirational. Thank God for TSM, NAL, all of you and the Internet so we can have this kind of community.

I will be putting up a goal each week, and a couple of AF days at least, once I am back home and in routine.

Good first week for you JDog. I agree with you. This board is amazing. Every time I log in I learn something new. Nick's advice to you is good advice to all of us. It is hard to break this addiction with just Nal as there is a stong psychological habit part of it too. Right now I'm stuck on wanting an AF day but not yet feeling I can do it. I still have the cravings every day for wine so I just go with the Nal+Al. If I didn't have this board I would have given up a while back but I know I will get there despite the daily cravings because I see the subtle changes and I see my progress in threads of those who came before me like Nick and my progess in threads of those behind me like you. So, glad you are here because your post today reminded me of when I had that first experience of not having to drink to oblivion and going to bed instead. It was amazing!

Jdog, thank you for your post. I too remember the first time I was able to stop drinking on nal and just go to bed. It was an amazing feeling because I hadn't been able to do that in years. You're definitely responding to nal, which means you will regain control eventually as long as you stick with it. And the cool thing about nal is that it is easy to "stick with it". Just take a pill one hour before you drink. So much simpler than any other recovery method I can think of and it works better too!

Hello everyone and thanks for the support. I am going to need it, and I really appreciate it. Saturday night, I had a long drive home from vacation. I took my NAL with 1.5hrs left in the trip. After unpacking the car, I measured out 3 units of Vodka. I had it, and went to bed exhausted. I always used to tie one on at the end of a long drive - sometimes staying up for 2-3 hrs to drink up, even if it meant staying up to nearly sunrise by myself.

I was really exhausted and was confident that I could stop at 3 units and go to bed, which I did. I think that was a good night of, "treatment".

Yesterday, not as good.

Sundays have been very bad days for me in the past. As I stated earlier, I haven't been drinking daily since July of last year when I checked into treatment, which didn't stick. My desperation at repeated relapses, which recently have evolved into 2-4 days a week, led me to finding The Sinclair Method on the net. So a year ago, on a Sunday, I would start boozing in the early afternoon while doing chores, watching sports, cutting grass, whatever. Usually, I would have 5-10 units, conk out for a bit before dinner (sometimes sleeping through). Then I'd wake up, reset, and begin again around 7 or 8 and drink to pass out. Head into work Monday exhausted, red-faced ("Hey, you got some sun on the weekend!" was a common commment), and with an angry wife.

I felt horrible and depressed, but repeated it almost every time the same way. The bad habits got worse and worse over time, until one day my tearful wife cried and told me how she hated Sundays, because of how bad it was. That really made me feel horrible. I love my wife and kids dearly, and along with my deteriorating health (BP, panic attacks, weight gain...) that made me check in to rehab. I am fortunate to have not lost my wife and family over this, but it appeared that I was headed in that direction. When I met my wife, I didn't drink at all. She never signed up for this.

Unfortunately, 28 day rehab and the AA program didn't stick with me, so I am here.

Anyway, I was planning on an AF Sunday, but around 2-3pm, I had a horrible craving, so I took the meds, waited my hour, and drank my usual vodka, juice and carbonated water. I ended up putting away 10 units, and passing out on the couch. More than I meant and wanted to. It still felt different than before. I think/hope it was the NAL, because I was at least able to slow down my drinking, and consciously had big water drinks a couple of times and before bed. In the old days, I used to be able to remember to have a big water drink before I went to bed after heavy drinking, but when it got bad, I just wanted more and more alcohol and my sane mind shut right off. I went to work still drunk a number of times I am sure. So at least that was better than my worst days.

Of course, then the old reaction occurred which was me waking up at 3:30 AM, and exhausted, but unable to get back to sleep. I was up all night, tried some herbal tea, but couldn't get back to sleep. I have to admit that it scared me quite a bit. It was just like old times, which were horrible times, when I was in the grip of the disease and unable to get out. I found myself doubting this process and panicking a bit in the lonely darkness of the night.

I went to work feeling like crap, but by about noon, I felt ok. I am good tonight and will be going to a Yoga class with my wife, and won't drink for sure. So that makes me feel good. I had dinner and at the moment have absolutely no desire to drink. In the "bad old days" I used to try to find a reason to stay home, and I used to try to hold off on my first drink as late as I could (8-9?) hoping not to get drunk in front of my kids, and hoping my wife would fall asleep so she wouldn't know how bad it was.

I told my wife how scared I was in the morning, and she was very supportive. She is scared too, and we both don't want to go back to the horrible past. I told her how I was praying that this works, and she told me that even though the smell of the booze scared her, and brought back bad memories, she did say that my drinking state, "was different" last night. I was able to slow down and basically stop drinking around 11pm, and have a reasonable conversation with her until then while watching the NCAA basketball on TV.

I feel like I am diving back into the pool, so to speak with TSM, allowing myself to drink on NAV. But I have to give myself the chance to rid myself of the constant craving and preoccupation with alcohol that I was unable to shake with my AA meetings and 1-3 week sobre periods. I have often said it feels like being possessed by a Demon that talks to me and tries to get me to drink and ruin my life.

I am hoping to have as many AF days as I can during the work week without dying for booze and see what happens on the weekend, but I am going to make an effort to keep my units in the 4-8 range, I hope. I love the great, deep sleeps that I have when I string a couple sobre days together. Part of me wants to fight hard not to drink until I can't stand it, but part of me feels like I should just give in more frequently and have more, "extinction treatments", as long as the units don't get out of hand. I am hoping to move to beer from vodka as well. We'll see how it works out. I took my BP after work today and it was normal which is a relief. I am taking my BP meds again as a precaution. When I was off booze in the treatment center, I got off those, as my BP went to normal. Now that I am drinking again more regularly, I figured the BP meds are a wise precaution.

That was a lot more than I meant to post. Thanks for being here. All the best to everyone.

I tend to be long winded at times, but I know putting these feelings down helps me a lot, and hopefully help others who read it. I really want my journey through this documented, so if it works, I can remember every step to share with my doctor, and others. If this works for me, I am going to make it a point to spread the word best I can, because already I am wondering why noone suggested this to me before when I almost killed myself and lost my family.

One great thing I learned in AA is the value of community support and how wonderful it is to talk with people who truly understand how it feels to be gripped by this affliction. I now pray that the, "cure" works for me.

I remember documenting my fears during the roller coaster ride. And I remember others encouraging me that since I had the "honeymoon" and increased control, that these were sure-fire signs TSM was working. And I remember thinking, "This is too good to be true; it worked for others, but I doubt I'll be so lucky." So, until it happens to you, you will continue to have your doubts. That being said, all signs point to your success on the method. Keep drinking the water and being as safe as possible during the roller coaster. Track your drinks so you have tangible evidence of your progress. Hang in there, you are on your way to a better, happier, safer life. I can't even remember what it's like to think about booze during the weekdays.

My best,

Nick

jdog-
i feel the same- if this ends up working for me i too will be a vocal advocate of the method.

also- i like the long posts- it's good to hear all of it. this site is about being open and honest so that we can learn and draw strength from one another.

just like you, i am scared and hopeful.

Monday night AF. Tuesday night, after work and running kids around, took NAL at 8:30. Had 5 units before bed. Feeling ok.

Hi JDog! I am always so amazed when I read peoples post how eerily similar our paths are. The words to describe our relationship with alcohol, the patterns of our drinking, our methods of trying to control or hide our drinking and Thankfully our discovery of Nal and TSM. I read your posts and I see so much of my own journey. And than I will read the posts of the "cured" and feel such hope and joy for what is ahead of me.
Thank you for sharing, it is valuable to those walking with you now and especially for those who will come after you.