Keep on keeping on. And happy birthday!

Drank too much last night (but first night I drank since Saturday, so that's the plus side). Went out to dinner for my birthday with a friend, and then couldn't leave well enough alone, and stopped by a local bar on my way home. Chatted at length with the owner, whom I know, and who plied me with free drinks all night long. I remained lucid and with it the whole night - and actually there are some nice parts to the evening, and I met some great people in the neighborhood - but there was no reason to stay out until 5am again. UGH. The sleep disruption is really what's worse than the hangover. I am just exhausted and foggy today. I think maybe I have been giving myself a pass out of pity these past few weeks (and birthdays obviously are a big trigger) but I really want to go back to exerting some willpower on top of the nal. (Incidentally, this proved once again that 25mg is not quite enough-I only took that much because I REALLY didn't want to get queasy or throw up my nice fancy meal but it didn't give me quite the control I would have liked).

Hi EL, interesting to hear your comments RE 25mg dose of Nal. Happy belated birthday by the way. I agree with you too regarding lack of sleep is just as bad as the hangover. In addition to getting to bed way too late, alcohol severely reduces the quality of sleep you get when you eventually do sleep. I have noticed a big difference in how much better I've been sleeping since having 4-5 AFs a week (compared to zero pre TSM). Your progress has been great so far, a 50% reduction by week 19, good going. Good to hear to that those tough things in your life are starting to work themselves out. Keep up the good work EL!

Hi EL

Sorry to hear about not getting the dream job. Something good must be just around the corner on the job front. Having your boyfriend back will hopefully cheer you up. Your progress is still great with TSM. I agree re the sleep too. A decent night's sleep after an AF day makes all the difference to my mood and energy levels.
Nal on & good luck with everything!

Cheers
Sticky

Weekly recap time! Clocking in at 17, which seems to be my "good" week number, although I'd really like to get it down to 14. Also, despite having 3AF days, and 3 days of drinking fewer than three drinks (so moderate drinking), I had one big blow-out, 12 unit night. And those are really what I am trying to get rid of. I'm thinking that my birthday, combined with missing my boyfriend and all the financial and unemployment woes are making this more difficult than it might be in other circumstances. These are all triggers even for the best of people who are not inclined to drink so much, so I am trying to cut myself some slack.
Control-wise, my moderate drinking nights REALLY amazed me. It's interesting how much has changed. These past three nights I've been at my parents' house in CT (we survived the hurricane with power, but there is MASSIVE damage all around us, so we've been stuck). My parents' house, combined with all my stressors, combined with a massive bout of cabin fever would always in the past have meant lots of solo drinking, well after parental cocktail hour and wine with dinner. This time, it was different. The first night I had exactly one drink before dinner, didn't want to drink with dinner, watched a movie and then read and went to bed. Effortless. The second night, I had about 2.5 drinks before and during dinner, and then felt kind of gross and full. I contemplated drinking more but decided I'd rather watch another movie with my parents. Tonight, the third night, SHOULD have been a heavy drinking occasion, if the past was an indication. I had some wine (about 1.5 units) before dinner, and then...just...didn't see the point of drinking more with dinner, because the wine wasn't tasting great. And then I actually contemplated drinking some bourbon while catching up on True Blood (guilty pleasure!!) and thought, well, if I have any more drinks I'll go over 17 units and I didn't want to do that...And that was it. That was enough for me to not have another drink and not WANT another drink, more importantly.
Sorry to ramble on to y'all, but that is amazing mental progress for me. I had endless amounts of free booze around me, nothing to get up for in the morning, and basically carte blanche to drink myself silly without anyone noticing (my parents go to bed earlyish). And I actually drank LESS THAN MY PARENTS. I can't remember the last time that happened, without me being ill or hungover. This is great development.
I can't lie though....there is a little part of me in the back that is kind of worried about the fact that I increasingly don't enjoy alcohol. Like, at all. It either leaves me cold or makes me nauseous. In an ideal world, I would like to be able to enjoy alcohol in certain situations, not hate it nor depend on it. My reactions to nal vary so wildly from one night to the next that sometimes I am a bit worried about going out and potentially feeling sick or tired or antisocial. I do wonder if I will ultimately reach a point where these things normalize and I can ENJOY a good drink again, but this time without going overboard. Any thoughts on this people?
Thanks everyone for the continued support. xoxo EL

Wow, Electra! I am so impressed by the magic that TSM is working in your life! My goodness! It is so amazingly apparant that you are utilizing your rational brain-power combined with TSM to really accelerate your overall progress. That you refuse to drink past 17 units is impressive!!!! You are committed to following your own boundries!

Happy birthday!

I have the same kind of situation with my well-to-do parents in Sarasota, Florida. BTW, I am visiting them October 21st. Will I succeed in drinking LESS than they do before they turn in at a modest hour???

I dunno. They pour some very fine wine....

But I DO know that YOU did!!!! And I sincerely appreciate the personal strides that you are achieving here. That's big: Not to sneak about in the wine cooler or liquor cabinet when ye old folks retire.

Congratulations. You are winning the war, my dear.

And thank you also for being a major player slash touchstone on this forum. Very powerful as you are mighty encouraging to all who participate. Thanks.

Keep on keeping on... you are a force to be reckoned with,

Ketchikan1

Hi EL

Well done! I guess I am a wee bit jealous as I am still struggling with this after nearly 9 months. I think of your nausea and sometimes wish I felt that, as I still have cravings and mostly don't have the "off switch " I would have expected by now.
Am down tonight as hubby is pissed off with me for coming home from my once a month book club and having "one" more drink while I go on this website. This is at 10pm, so hardly late. After what he said, I will be sleeping on the couch. Bugger it!

Take care
Sticky

Yep, that's it, that's the feeling: gross and full!



Yep, I'm with you on that one too, in fact, I think all non-problem drinkers are like that. The other night I had friends over, they are really not drinkers at all, I was listing drink choices including non-alcoholic drinks and they were choosing apple juice until I mentioned a sweet white wine that they both like, they changed to the wine because they like the taste of that particular wine and not because they wanted alcohol, I find myself doing that more and more often, if I don't like the wine I'm just not bothered to drink it.

I can identify with everything you wrote. When I have a drink or two and am "moderating" perfectly it makes me feel like a grown up, I sometimes feel like saying out loud: "hey, look at me, I'm moderating"



Damn! phone, I'll be back to this

GRRRR well my newly returned friend, the weekly blowout, has seemed to pop up every wednesday night for the past few weeks and I am not pleased about this. Went to happy hour with some friends last night....then went to another bar with a couple of those friends...then they left I and kept hanging out (I know the owners of this bar). Had probably a total of 10 drinks (not reallly sure on the actual units, but we'll call it ten.... I ended up crying at the bar to the owner, about being unemployed and no one respecting the work that I do, and constantly being presented with job postings that want to pay me so much less than I deserve, etc. It's been a long time coming, this breakdown, but I really wish it hadn't happened at a bar IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. Embarrassing.
Today I am really hurting. Not just physically (although it's pretty bad....) but also feeling like I might have a panic attack. I haven't had one while on TSM and I was really happy that I thought that was something of the past. I just feel like I've been taking a step back for every step forward, sometimes.
Thank god my boyfriend gets back tomorrow-that will cheer me up considerably. I also have a job interview tomorrow that I am excited about, so we'll see.

Weekly recap time: 19.5 units this week. More than I would like, with one big 10 drink night, and a lot of more / very moderate nights. But not enough AF days. I've had a lot of stressors this week (including my actual birthday, a devlishly difficult exam to take for a job interview and some interpersonal drama with my newly returned boyfriend) but did all right at keeping control in the end. I'm finding more and more that alcohol does not have to define or shape my weekends, which used to be a big thing. However, I'm still finding it difficult to curtail the wednesday night happy hour that I often go to. That's what mostly seems to get out of hand....