Week 28 ends for me with 10 units and 6 AF days. I was a little embarrassed about my 10 units since I drank them all in one day. I had 5 drinks out at a bar with friends (which I don't mind) but then when I got home I had 5 more by myself. I had a horrible hangover the next day, though I am thankful for the hangovers. It bothers me that my off switch sometimes doesn't work. I've considered taking back my regained control status but I don't want to go back and forth and get too caught up in labels. I think back to 3 months ago when a 10 unit week would have felt like a huge victory to me and now it feels like a failure. Anyway, I'm not going to get hung up on it as I believe it's just part of the process.

I apologize if it sounds like I'm whining. I'm just trying to document my feelings just in case it helps someone who is going through something similar. I truly am grateful for everything I've achieved with TSM. The other 6 days of the week were easily AF for me. Also, if I look at my average for weeks 25-28, it is only 4 units and that is definitely something I can be proud of.

Hi Tambo

That is an awesome graph and so is your story. Well done! You give me inspiration to stick with this thru the tough times because the end result will be well worth it.

I look forward to hearing further updates.

Cheers
Sticky

Hi Tambo,

Thanks for your very honest update in which I think you raise a good point. Can we say we have regained control if we very occassionally lose control? Our drinking patterns are very similar as you know. Like you I have a run of success and then the odd sporadic session where I drink a bit too much and the off switch is broken. This really held me back from stating that I had regained control. However my thinking is that even the most disciplined drinkers with no history of alcoholism occassionally over do it. For everyone, alcholic or not there are so many factors which can trigger us going a little overboard....drinking in certain situations e.g. birthdays, the company we are drinking with, the emotions we are feeling when we pick up the first drink.....so there is always a risk that anyone picking up a drink may go a little overboard on occasions. The reality is that you have incredible control over alcohol now (6 AF days!!!- a lot of non alcoholics would not be able to manage that). I think that what might happen is that we still have the odd mini binge but that the lenght of time between these grows over time so that they become less frequent. I can totally identify with your update this week. I had a 15 unit in one sitting session about 4 or 5 weeks ago and felt crappy for the next few days but then have had a really good run since, guess thats what all those 'rollercoaster' warnings are for when we first join. You are doing great and your progress is a real inspiration.

Hi Tambo

This is a quote from Springerrider. If I remember rightly it was written after he declared himself "cured".

"There may be what seems like set-backs but they are necessary. You are digging up triggers. Some are subtle but others are big, nasty rabbid dogs. The order they appear may not seem to make sense but you don’t get to pick and chose the way your psychy regurgitates repression. I assume I still have deep rooted triggers in myself just waiting to leap out. As long as I have taken my Naltrexone – bring ‘em on. That is how it works.
I wish you all the best of luck and want to extend my thanks to Drs. Sinclair and Eskapa. I owe them much."

All the best
Chris

Thank you Sticky, Susie and Chris for your support. It helps a lot.

Chris, I notice you've been a member here fore quite a while but I've never run into one of your posts before. Can I ask you how you've been doing with TSM?

Tambo, everyone's cure will look slightly different. I wouldn't hesitate for a second to say you've regained control. Your ability to go AF for most of the week impresses me since I like to have small amounts of wine most nights right now with an occasional bigger night. In that regard we are different in our cure but the bottom line is the majority of the time there is no excess drinking. That's normal but we are hyper-sensitive and critical of ourselves because we've come out the other side now. We expect more of ourselves. We want to be "perfect" social drinkers. Remember how long that extinction continued in Sinclair's subjects...years. You may look back 2 years from now and think, "Wow, I had 10 drinks in week 29 but I haven't had 10 drinks in 29 weeks. You never know where this will lead. I really enjoy your posts you are extremely introspective and thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. It's something I've contemplated as well as I progress along.

Hi Tambo,
I just read all your posts from the beginning of your journey and wanted to thank you for posting deligently and with so much honesty. I relate to much of your TSM experiences and find so much hope from reading posts such as yours that show the peaks and valleys of TSM- as you noted without the support of this board I do not think I would stick with it.
I want you to know that you not only overcame the demon of alcohol, but your story, as so many other TSM posters stories, are helping others get better and reach their goal of "regained control".
Thank You and please keep posting,
Blue

Hi Tambo - Thanks for your post. Yep, I'm not sure we can ever say we will not drink out of control again even on Nal. There will be triggers for a long time. After all, it took us a long time to get here. Sounds like you ran into a big trigger to me. So, no worries. You are still in control or we wouldn't be hearing from you. You'd still be drinking out of control!

Like you said, keep it in perspective. You are such an inspiration to all of us. I love your graph btw.

Finished my 31st week with 11 units and 5 AF days.

Friday night I went out to a night club with an old high school friend that I hadn't seen in 15 years! I used to have a slight crush on her. I had 10 units over the course of 5 hours which is a little more than I would have liked, but I didn't black out and I didn't act stupid. I actually had a blast. I spent the night dancing, talking, and flirting. My old friend and I actually had a lot of chemistry. Pre-TSM, I would've have been blacked out within 30 minutes of entering the club, woken up someplace strange, wondering who I pissed off the night before, then spend the rest of the day hungover, riddled with guilt trying to piece together what happened.

Last night I went to a baseball game and had 1 beer. No craving for more at the game or when I got home. Pre-TSM, one drink would lead to a 3 day binge from hell.

This thing works and I don't have to hide from life for it to work.

Good stuff Tambo, It's a lot easier to look suave when you are not blacked out isn't it. The next lady in your life is going to be getting an upgraded version of Tambo 4.0. New and improved: all the same intelligence and sensitivity with 90% less ethanol. I know it goes counter to the recovery world but a night like you had once in a while is not a bad thing when it doesn't lead to a 3 day bender. It hard to explain isn't it without experiencing it firsthand? I'm sure your old crush had a few more than normal and didn't think twice about it. Neither should you now. I'm glad to hear things continue to go well for you.