i admire your tenacity bob especially given your struggle with other meds. Well done. I have a good friend who was lately diagnosed she sturggled with the depression but actually thought the manic time was nicely normal- as she is a comedian we all took her manic times as simply her personality. She has recently had to give up - what she describes as her 'friend' booze and describes herself as grieving. Don't know whether i should tell her about Nal.

I hope you tell her. I hope we all tell everyone. But you have your reasons either way and your judgment is sound.

The day will come when TSM is no longer our secret, to share or to keep.

Sounds HORRIFIC Bob. Who wouldn't drink like a fish under the circumstances? BTW, my dad's experience was nothing like yours. When he was manic he did not actively have voices in his head and that sort of thing. Instead, he would be like... well, a lot like we drunks. You know, after we have, say, 15 or 20 shots. He would simply lose all judgment and restraint. He would do wildly irresponsible things, like go from driving a piece of crap car all of his life to buying a new sports car, or, better yet, buying a SECOND condo in the building where he lives (only to sell it -- empty and unused -- years later for a loss), or, hit on females young enough to be his granddaughter, or, knock on strangers doors (justifying the knock by the "welcome" mat), head into their place when no one is home -- and G4M will love this one -- attempt to ride their horse bare-back... Then he would mellow out and be relatively normal... And then he'd get depressed. He wouldn't wash himself or shave, he would barely touch the food I brought, (no way he'd have the motivation to pickup something himself), sit alone in a room and obsess with great anxiety over anything and everything... You get the picture. He LIKED being manic - which is why he refused the meds. He had energy and was interested in everything when manic. Too interested! The few meds he did take were always when he was depressed. His lone suicide attempt came when he was depressed -- he took a full bottle of Depichote and would have died except his friend found him. No matter how you slice it, it was awful for him and everyone who loved him. Anyway, thank goodness there are meds that you can take that help and that you are willing to take. My dad was in complete denial and went to his grave (well, urn, actually, sitting in my TV room) denying that he even had manic depression.

(Ok - my break lasted 2 days/maybe a week?? LOL- I can't stand it! :-))

So Bob & Nick,
Any wonder why we don't inherit the drinking tick??!! Bob, you fascinate me! I am so impressed with your strength, sense of humor and wisdom in your posts; the depth & incredibleness (??) of your stories just fascinate me - I am in awe. And very sorry for your pain along the way. You are an incredibly strong force here. I can't help but comment. I love reading your posts and just am rallying behind you!

Nick - we have PM'd and now you have talked about the loss of your dad. I share your sorrow and identify w/ the mental illness of a parent. GAWD - who doesn't here in many ways!! All of us have stories: parents, siblings, friends...the tales of loss are massive. I am amazed at how many of us share so many common tragedies. Resulting in all cases of our self-medication. We are not bad - we are normal. Everyone has an addiction - some are just less destructive than others. Drinking r us. I am so encouraged by the stories...altho mine is not as successful at this point...

I am still here :-) until "whenever"!!

P>S to all reading this> Don't drink & drive!! Take a taxi no matter where you are. Better a few hundred dollars than $10 THOUSAND dollars in fees, fines and crap! Don't do it!! 2 -3 drinks?? Take a taxi. Believe me. Don't gamble on this one. PLEASE - the system is out to get you & it will ruin your life...not to mention if you are in an accident & someone gets hurt...

Do NOT get behind the wheel of a car with more than 2 drinks in you. Even still, you are "driving under the influence" and they will get you. They will get you, folks!! It will ruin your life. Financially - do you have about $10,000 cash right now to blow on this? Not to mention time, humility, etc??...I rest my case.

MAke an intelligent decision to SPEND $$$$ to get a cab home; call a friend, etc. If you have to think "I'm OK"...you are NOT!!!" Listen to Mama - it sucks. Been here, doing that. DON"T DRIVE!!!!!

Any questions?? Luff ya -
Your friend in Houston

I AGREE 100%! Do not drink and drive. I just posted on this topic on the other thread... I was a lawyer, knew the judge who sentenced me and was pals with the (alkie) attorney who represented me for nothing more than a few pops at the bar after we left the hearing! True story and kind of sad and funny. My attorney, who herself drinks like... like me... had already had a DWI herself. Talk about humiliating, going in front of a judge you know with your pants around your ankles. And my attorney told me exactly what to say about .18: "Nick, .18 is HIGH, more than twice the legal limit of .08. You need to be able to explain that one. Here's what you say: You were at a party and it was almost over. It was your friend's birthday party and right as you were leaving, they basically MADE you take that shot of Cuervo to celebrate..."

Even with all of that going for me, I had no license for six months, a fine, etc. I did wiggle my way out of picking up trash on the street -- knowing the judge has its privileges!

DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE. IT WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE. WE WON'T EVEN DISCUSS THE ACCIDENT THAT CAUSES HARM AND YOU END UP BEING SOMEONE'S LESS THAN ENTHUSIASTIC GIRLFRIEND OR BOYFRIEND IN THE POKEY!

Bob,

I think you are a wonderful poster and a great inspriation and wealth of knowledge. The greatest part is you know your struggles and where your pitfalls may be and you face them. You have to dual edge sword of both depression and drinking you know the odds and you still go forward and are finding success.

When I find myself doubting where I am, if this is working, will it work I come here and read the progress of people like you, elfern, G4M, firebird and KrazyKris (and all the others) and know each one is different. Each had different drinking habits, outside influences (sp), medical issues, mental issues, stress points, locations etc... but one common goal. There are times when the path crosses and they have the same reaction to this method.

I continue on the method (instead filling the script for campral my doctor gave me) shell out the 200.00 for a 2 month supply (which isn't easy these days) and forge ahead. I do this because if you can face your demon so can I. I really plan to kick his a**!

So, if I haven't said it before Thank you for what you give me when you don't know you are.

I'm on my 3 day AF I'll let you know what happens on my way home tonight! For the first time in a long time when I'm AF I did not have nightmares and nightsweats. I am beginning to wonder if the first night or two (which is the most I have done in 6 months) off NAL my brain is adjusting to no NAL no AL and that's why it happens and I should just embrace it and hold on screaming! I normally just don't face it and drink by the end of the 2nd AF day, which is ok because I am not going to suffer anymore with the battle not to drink. It will come naturally in time.

Bob, I can relate to a certian amount of the stress that comes with a parent that is sick. My dad has Alzheimers and is in care now but it was a hell of a few years for my mom and me up until that point and the stress goes on in a different way now. ( home says they can't handle him and now we have to pay for sitter etc.) So I think it is time to be gentle with yourself and not get upset with yourself for stressful reactions. I admire and encourage you. Wishing you the best. Tater.

Hi Bob - I am jumping on the 'I think Bob is great train' too...I don't always post on your progress but I always read it and it always strikes me as sometimes profound, sometimes incredibly witty, sometimes humbling (I realize how minor my issues are and how much I grumble) and sometimes all of those.

Nick - very sorry for your loss and it must be hard to say goodbye to such an incredibly intense relationship. I never understood what manic episodes were really like. Very scary..especially for a child to deal with, no matter how old you are. And your love for your father always comes through when you post about him. Ah, Fathers...

Welcome back Houtx, I didn't think you would last 2 days

Providence - glad you are stretching your posting muscles. I think it's the no-Al. It takes me about a week, with sleep aids, to get used to going to sleep without the Alcohol...good luck tonight, happy to see you are making such good progress.

Soulby - maybe you can tell your friend you read about the method while doing research (you are a therapist, correct?). You should find a way to tell your friend but I understand none of us wants to disclose our 'issue'.

Hi Happy
My dilemma was more to do with -if she is managing not to drink ok then should i leave well enough alone. cos when she goes manic she tends not to be good at taking her meds-which might also include Nal. good idea about research- i certainly wouldn't risk telling her about myself as she is a stand-up comedy artist and is likely on one of her manic phases to announce it to the audience- really i have had my sexual relationships used as comedy material in my presence at a gig!

I greatly appreciate all the accolades and I am happy that my postings appear to be helpful to many. I only write what I am experiencing or feeling at the time of the post, and have never felt at any time that I deserved any praise at all. I feel that it is undeserved, that I don't offer any particular insights, and certainly I can't think of any posts that were "profound". Anyway, thanks again.

Bob