Yep, last night was roughly what I expected it to be: a good amount of fun, with way too much booze and a little bit of a grey-out at the end. Nothing horrible....although I did do a bit of my solo bar crawl/karaoke and met up with my various "friends" at various bars. I don't exactly remember getting home though (like...I remember the process, but I don't remember which doorman was working...) and I definitely passed out a bit when I got home, and then woke up at 6 am and got into my pjs and bed. Not a proud night. Oh and another strange vomiting instance on nal last night...so weird. About 5 drinks in I went to the bathroom to go pee and looked at the toilet and ALL OF A SUDDEN felt really nauseous, and vomited profusely for a few minutes. And then was fine. Verrrry odd.

Hi EL

The job hunting must be sooo frustrating! You are doing amazingly well with TSM though, so try to hold onto that. I hope you manage to forget about the stress and have heaps of fun on your birthday. Oh to be 29 again!!

Cheers
Sticky

Happy belated birthday EL! Looks like your doing very well especially considering all the external factors you are having to deal with at the moment. I can't explain the vomiting though except to day that occassionally I also feel waves of nausea after several drinks. I haven't vomited like you but can't recall the same thing happening before Nal. I figure its a good thing because it physically reinforces that alcohol is essentially bad for me. I wish you luck finding a new job and sorting out your other stuff.

Belated Happy Birthday, EL!! I hope this year brings you all you hope for. don't be too down about your birthday, just think how different your next one will be!

I'm sorry too that things are slow on the job front, I know how stressful that is. You seem like a very capable person to me and I'm sure you will find a solution.

I want to thank you for the tip about eating too much, you are right, just a little makes me feel better.

Best,

Curi

Weekly recap time! Clocking in at 24.5 this week, which is my highest in a while, but it was my birthday, if that's any justification. I had two overly big drinking nights (10 or more units) and three very moderate drinking nights (fewer than 3 units) and only 2 AF days. So these numbers aren't great for me, but I'm willing to think this week was a bit of a blip on the radar, as I had the major extinction of my birthday party, and some spectacularly shitty developments on the job hunting front. I'm committed to getting to 17 or fewer units next week and henceforth.
As for the birthday party....it wasn't really very fun. I had a bad nal experience that night. No vomiting, but everything tasted weird and made me feel slightly nauseous, and then I just got tired and sort of glum that I wasn't being chipper and happy and energetic. It's very strange how different individual nal drinking sessions can be. On Tuesday night I had great fun and drank right through the nal, to the old manic energy and happiness, but on Friday I was just unable to even really get a buzz. Enh. My birthday present to myself was that I didn't want to a) vomit during or after my party or b) blackout or c) do anything stupid or embarrassing. Unless you count me singing Bob Dylan in karaoke as c), I think I succeeded Not terribly hungover today or anything either, just tired. I'm honestly just glad the whole thing is over with. And my boyfriend is back in 12 days, FINALLY!!!!
EL

More spectacularly shitty news over here, and I am pretty close to losing it. I was in the running for a dream translation job with a big agency here in NY and somehow failed their exam. Even looking at the corrections they gave me I still dont' understand why I failed (they seem to be grading me differently than the instructions suggested, for one thing). Regardless. This was basically the only thing going for me right now and now I have lost the job, and I can never apply for it again as you can only take the test once. This is especially devastating as this is the perfect job (I thought) for me, and I thought I unquestionably had the skills and experience for it. So my self-esteem has taken a massive blow and honestly, this is about the hundredth time I've been kicked to the curb in the past few months and it really feels like the straw that broke the camel's back. All I can think or feel is that I give up. the problem is that there is nothing for me TO give up. I can't even just move back with my parents as they are moving to France right now. If I do nothing, I WILL end up broke and not able to pay my rent. So I guess I have to keep applying to jobs. But I am seriously running out of time over here. The only consolation is that I am actually too depressed to even contemplate drinking (I am strangely usually a drinker from happiness rather than sadness). I just don't really want to be existing right now.

Awww EL, chin up, you'll get through this bad stretch. Big huggggggs!

EL - Make sure to do one good thing for your self each day. It may sound stupid but it helps. No matter how bleak, you deserve at least one good thing.

EL,

Please hang in there. You have been probably the most encouraging poster on this board for the last few weeks. You are cheering everyone else on. You are saving families, saving lives, and helping people to recover from a deadly disease.

You have much to do with your life and your big break is just around the corner, I know it. Please hang in there. The world needs you, and we do too.

I am praying for you.

Awww thanks guys. It really helps to have some nice words. It has not been a good week, but I am feeling a lot more positive today(my ACTUAL birthday!), especially because I have 3 AF days behind me and was able to clear my head. Yes, I'm still unemployed and uninsured and short on cash, but at least I'm not all of those things and totally out of control with my drinking. I've also managed to strike a deal with my long-time therapist so I can keep seeing her for cheap once my insurance runs out. I think that's one of the things I was super worried about - losing my therapist during what is probably the most stressful period of my life! And soon my boyfriend will be back and hopefully things will feel rosier...
A couple of friends are taking me out to a nice dinner tonight (since I can't afford much myself!) and I am really looking forward to that. I plan on drinking but certainly not all night - these friends have to go to work tomorrow! This upcoming weekend, I'm gonna take a breather and go help my parents with packing and moving out in CT - it might be the last time I get to see my old house. So I'm well on my way to a 17 or lower unit week, fingers crossed!
EL