Hi all

Thanks El for your words of encouragement. I think you are right about alcoholism being our cross to bear and that we will always need to be wary of it.

I would have posted before now, but we have been without internet access again for most of the week. Grr! Anyway, I realised the day after my day of feeling depressed that all was not lost. In order to feel good I need to drink less than I have been. Because I still don't have an off switch most of the time when I start drinking, I need to up my alcohol free days. Drinking spirits recently instead of wine has meant I haven't accurately measured my units. And everyone says gin can make you depressed. One friend called it "mothers' ruin!" Apart from last Thursday night, Thurs being the beginning of my week, I had a good week. Last night I caught up with a friend for dinner who was keen to see the results of my face lift. She lives an hour and a half out of Auckland so we met half way. We both had 2 glasses of wine. I didn't want more than that before driving home. On the way back I was thinking my usual "maybe I'll just have one more when I get home", but I managed to talk myself out of it. No hangover today and a decent night's sleep. If only I could do that every time I drink!

I hope you're all having a good week.

Cheers
Sticky

Week 1: 1,8,AF,3,AF,AF,3.5 total 15.5,3AF Week 2: AF,8,8,AF,AF,4,8 total 28, 3AF
Week 3: 4,8,AF,8,AF,5,AF total 25, 3AF Week 4: 16,AF,8,7,AF,10,AF total 41, 3AF
Week 5: 7,12,8,AF,8,AF,8 total 43, 3AF Week 6: AF,5,12,AF,AF,8,AF total 25, 4AF
Week 7: AF,14,AF,6,AF,5,AF total 25, 4AF Week 8: 8, AF, 12, 12, AF, 1.5, 1.5 total 35, 2AF
Week 9: 12, AF, 10, 2,AF, 10, AF total 32, 3AF Week 10: 9, AF, 10, AF,1.5, 6.5, AF total 27, 3AF
Week 11: 12, AF, 14, 3.5, 1, AF, 7.5 total 38, 2AF Week 12: AF, 8 AF, 9, 2, AF, AF total 19, 4AF
Week 13: 8.5, AF, 9, AF, 12, AF, 14 total 43.5, 3AF Week 14: 7.5, AF, 8, AF, AF, 9, 9 total 33.5, 3AF
Week 15: AF, 9, AF, 9, AF, 9, 10 total 37, 3AF Week 16: total 34, 2AF
Week 17: total 32, 3AF Week 18: total 34, 4AF
Week 19: total 33, 3AF Week 20: 32, 3AF
Week 21: total 38, 3AF Week 22: 29.5, 4AF
Week 23: 34.5, 3AF Week 24: 36, 4AF
Week 25: 30.5, 3AF Week 26: 29, 3AF
Week 27: 22, 4AF Week 28: 33, 2AF
Week 29: 24, 4AF Week 30: 23, 4AF

Hi Sticky, good to hear a more positive post from you. Sorry I didn't catch the last one in time. I can empathise with you doubting whether TSM is going to work for you, I think thats perfectly understandable given the long process you've undergone. That said your figures in the last 2 weeks have been great. You are inching closer and closer to safe drinking limits. Also try to remember most of the "cured" describe the change at the end as being very subtle and difficult to easily identify. Never doubt your capacity for change Sticky. Your depression is a mitigating factor but you need to be wary of allowing yourself to drink (binge) for that reason because as you yourself pointed out alcohol will weaken the effect of the antidepressants. Anyway, once again, good to see you've had a better week this week and I hope this one is better for you again. I have every confidence you will make it, Warren

You are getting there, slowly but surely... You'll get there!

My best,

Nick

Hi all

After being down in the dumps a couple of weeks ago, I have had a great week. 5 AF days and 2 nights of drinking too much. Slowly but surely the interest in alcohol is waning and the thought of waking up and feeling good in the morning after an AF day is taking over. Also after having 2-3 drinks on the 2 nights I drank this week, given that there was an enforced break before the next drinks, I had the feeling that I'd had enough. Pity that bottle of wine still talked to me on Sun night as I didn't really need it. It's a subtle change that I will try to be more aware of.
So - under 20 units for this week! I'm heading for healthy levels.

Thanks Warren & Nick for your posts.

Am feeling very ambivalent about my womens AA meeting again. I really related to everything people said last week, and that will not change. I will still always be an alcoholic. But I'd like to be able to spread the word about TSM and I can't in that setting, especially since the meeting is held in a treatment centre run by the Salvation Army! I am very grateful for the help they gave me when I stayed there 3 years ago. But I'd like to shout about TSM from the roof tops. I texted a girl from the meeting who has relapsed and told her to google it, then felt guilty b/c of the conflict of interest. As I've said before I will see how it goes and be honest with my sponsor. I've partly been hanging in there in case TSM doesn't work for me, but now I feel more convinced that it will.

I hope everyone is doing well and those in the Northern Hemisphere are enjoying summer, while we freeze our butts off in winter!

Cheers
Sticky

Week 1: 1,8,AF,3,AF,AF,3.5 total 15.5,3AF Week 2: AF,8,8,AF,AF,4,8 total 28, 3AF
Week 3: 4,8,AF,8,AF,5,AF total 25, 3AF Week 4: 16,AF,8,7,AF,10,AF total 41, 3AF
Week 5: 7,12,8,AF,8,AF,8 total 43, 3AF Week 6: AF,5,12,AF,AF,8,AF total 25, 4AF
Week 7: AF,14,AF,6,AF,5,AF total 25, 4AF Week 8: 8, AF, 12, 12, AF, 1.5, 1.5 total 35, 2AF
Week 9: 12, AF, 10, 2,AF, 10, AF total 32, 3AF Week 10: 9, AF, 10, AF,1.5, 6.5, AF total 27, 3AF
Week 11: 12, AF, 14, 3.5, 1, AF, 7.5 total 38, 2AF Week 12: AF, 8 AF, 9, 2, AF, AF total 19, 4AF
Week 13: 8.5, AF, 9, AF, 12, AF, 14 total 43.5, 3AF Week 14: 7.5, AF, 8, AF, AF, 9, 9 total 33.5, 3AF
Week 15: AF, 9, AF, 9, AF, 9, 10 total 37, 3AF Week 16: total 34, 2AF
Week 17: total 32, 3AF Week 18: total 34, 4AF
Week 19: total 33, 3AF Week 20: 32, 3AF
Week 21: total 38, 3AF Week 22: 29.5, 4AF
Week 23: 34.5, 3AF Week 24: 36, 4AF
Week 25: 30.5, 3AF Week 26: 29, 3AF
Week 27: 22, 4AF Week 28: 33, 2AF
Week 29: 24, 4AF Week 30: 23, 4AF
Week 31: 19, 5AF

Good work Sticky! It sounds like you are really making progress. I know what you mean about sensing that moment when you could/should/sort of want to stop....but then, for some reason, continuing to drink. I guess this is the habit part!
EL

That truly is a great feeling! Waking clear headed, (certain that you didn't send any iffy emails or text messages the night before ) and ready to take on the day is very motivating and something you won't want to loose. You sound like you're on the home stretch!

Curi

Hi Sticky, first you crack 30 units then 20! Nice work. I sense you are on the verge of something good. The end is nigh. Hope HG is reading this. Relax, let things take their natural course and you(and hopefully me and HG)will be there soon. Hope you have another great week!

Sticky, hello from Up Over. You seem to have turned a corner 19 AU is equivalent to 13.5 US units and that's getting in the moderate drinking range for the week. As for having the units occur over 2 days I've experienced something similar. When I have more AF days in a week my drinks per drinking day does tend to go up a little bit. You may be experiencing a weakened form of the alcohol deprivation effect. The drinks per drinking day will eventually come down to less than binge amounts if you keep at it. Your brain was already telling you didn't need the extra drinks after your break in drinking. It will get easier to follow that cue. As for you texting your AA friend who relapsed about TSM I think you behaved in a very ethical manner and she can look into or not. If she was suffering from a severe earache caused by a bacterial infection and her friends and family were recommending blood letting and prayer and you had a pocket full of antibiotics the situation would be no different. Of course you would offer her some antibiotics because you know that more often than not they will work. Nal-on Sticky.

Great news Sticky, you are on your way.

This quote is classic.

If she was suffering from a severe earache caused by a bacterial infection and her friends and family were recommending blood letting and prayer and you had a pocket full of antibiotics the situation would be no different. Of course you would offer her some antibiotics because you know that more often than not they will work.

Thanks everyone for your positive and inspiring messages.

I have another night before I post this week's units. Unfortunately they aren't under 20, but will be under 30.
Love the quote about the antibiotics, St V. - so true. I think my AA friend is going to a treatment centre, but I will see her this week. At least I've planted the seed re TSM & I didn't feel guilty for long.

Nal on all of you.

Cheers
Sticky