NDF I've never seen that article at HAMS before but interestingly enough through my experience over time as an alcoholic I figured out all that stuff on my own. It's funny how addicts are some of the smartest people when it comes to addiction isn't it. LOL

I used to taper off all the time. Sunday would be my full taper day. When I planned on stopping I'd treat Friday as the last hurrah and get rip roaring drunk and wake up feeling like whale **** in the morning. Then Saturday I would just drink enough to cure the raging withdrawal. Sunday would be medicinal drinking. Only enough to keep the heebeegeebees at bay.

Then come Monday I called it my 'day of suffering' and I would start an alcohol free ride on the wagon for as long as I could, typically at least a week sometimes more. And sometimes it would not be bad at all. Sometimes I'd just be like... hmmmm.... this isn't so bad and by the next day was fine. Then other times it would break me and I'd drink through till the following Friday and try it again. Typically though there would be a lot of discomfort but I guess since I've done the cycle so many times I knew what to expect and just got over it. I knew that by Wednesday I'd be really fine, by Thursday I'd wonder why I ever drink so much and promise not to drink again and then by Friday I'd start thinking, why not? It's mine my precious mine my own. (sorry I'm a JR Tolkien geek).

The good thing is that thanks to TSM even after a raging night just like the old days last Friday stopping is just a simple choice with no repercussions.

Interestingly too about that HAMS article I'm surprised to see that I fell into what they describe as mild withdrawal. I never had seizures, hallucinations but most certainly anxiety, blood pressure issues, panic, twitching, sweating, panic, twitching, sweating, and just generally an overall sensation of doom. I can't even imagine the horror of falling into the severe category if 'mild' is that bad.

Anyway no drinking for me tonight either, I got better things to do

The same for me actually. I only recall having "the shakes" once, when my thumb kept twitching uncontrollably about 3-4 years ago one Sunday morning. I think moderate withdrawal is pretty similar to mild, just a lot of the same symptoms that are more intense...

So here I am one year later. Well a bit more than a year. Since the site crashed I didn’t exactly get my anniversary date down. But anyway… The year has been transformational to say the least. I still don’t like the word ‘cure’ but certain things have most definitely taken place that fall into that category. At the same time I still have work to do.

Since I have started I have gotten just about everything I wanted out of TSM. I never wanted to stop drinking I just wanted to be a normal social drinker and for the most part that is pretty much where I am today. I still drink most nights of the week but I can honestly say that I have not really been drunk once since I started. On a few occasions I have drank to excess but in the end that is what I would consider normal.

A few of the big things I have happened are as follows. I used to hide alcohol around the house and all over the place so that it would always be there in the case of emergency, which was pretty much all the time. Drinking on my former level was a chronic case of emergency. From the very first time I took ¼ dose of Naltrexone to start TSM I have not once ever hidden a bottle. I simply do not have the desire to do so. If I run out of alcohol it is no longer a chronic emergency but perhaps at worst a disappointing, ‘oh well.’ You really have had to have suffered that malady to understand how incredibly huge that is.

I don’t think about alcohol like I used to. I don’t plan all my waking hours around obtaining it and then creating the time and space to consume it. I used to keep a very accurate mental inventory of how many beers were left in the fridge, how much wine is left, and where the hard liquor bottles are hidden in the house, barn, and garage or in a bush outside the front door.
I don’t even think about that anymore and that alone is simply stunning.

So some of the other quick to note positive results of TSM, I no longer wake up sick in the morning, I no longer have that conversation with myself all day long about how I need to quit only to start it up all over again at night, I no longer have vicious fights with my wife, I have lost 25 pounds, yes people 25 friggin pounds without even trying. I have not driven drunk once (not proud to say it but that was a regular thing for me), I sleep better, no more heart racing palpitations, no more insane craving and the list goes on and on.
Some of the things I need to work on? Well I may not get insane cravings but I still do get cravings. Old habits are hard to die. I remember when I quit smoking. After the physical withdrawal is over there is still the psychological addiction like having a cigarette after eating dinner and so on. Same with alcohol. Simple things like mowing the lawn trigger a craving. I still do drink too much on occasions. But now the drinking too much is maybe 5 or 6 bears not 19 or 20. But it’s still too much. I do need to exercise more mindfulness and probably should on occasion set some target alcohol free days. And I still have that nagging fear that withdrawal is going to hit me if I just stop drinking.

So all in all it’s really been quite amazing really. As anyone who has gone through it successfully knows. For the last 20 years of my life my only problem was alcohol, all the other problems it seems stemmed from its use and now that is gone.

Right there with you Ocean! And so lovely to read all of the plusses that you have written down - and yes I so agree with all of them. Naltrexone really is a life saver! If only we could get those folk who do not stick with it to actually stick with it! I just KNOW it can work!

Congrats on your 1 year (plus some) with Nal. And yes, you maybe do still need to work on the setting some AF goals and the mindfulness too. Just out of interest - what does your wife think of the whole thing? I mean obviously she would be pleased - but did she ever think it would happen?

Good to read your post - brought a smile to my face this morning!

Hugs, Maggie x

I was very happy to read your post too, Ocean. I can relate to so much of what you wrote. I never drank at the level that you did, and never hid bottles, but for sure I stressed over what alcohol would be available. The thought of going to a restaurant where they didn't serve AL was out of the question a year ago, or at least would cause sweaty palms. Today I don't even really give it a thought, or if I do, it's like, so what?

But I still do drink ALMOST daily, too. I have one or maybe two AF days per week. And the funny thing is that, even though they sort of irritate me, they are never really all that hard, and I LOVE the way I feel the next day. The question is, what can I do to get more of them?

Do you ever worry about taking nal so often? I don't really because it is so worth it and I don't have any depression or other side effects. But from time to time I do think: what if I am in an accident and need morphine. Just wondered what your thoughts were about that as I don't know if there are too many of us longterm almost daily nal users.

I am so very happy about your success.

xoxo Newlife

Very cool, Ocean!

Nal on!

Inspiring. Thank you.

Thanks for your comments. I just got back from a two week vacation and what I would have normally had done is stock up my travel bag with bottles of booze so that I'd have it at my destination and not have to worry about it. No problem at all now. I stock up on Naltrexone instead of booze now I also remember everything about my vacation too! I ended the vacation by going to see a concert, Black Sabbath by the way - classic awesome consent!, and I remember that too! In the 'old' days even though they charged $14 dollers per beer at the concert I would have had my fill for sure. I'd also have carried bottles in LOL. I was thinking today... I have not once since I started TSM a year ago gone into what we call here ABC stores. Those are the hard liquor stores. NOt once. The only reason I ever did was to stock up on my emergency booze which I simly do not need any more. But anyway...



When I started TSM she was skepticle but then so was I. She also was pretty adamant that I go see a doctor about it but I really didn't want to have anything about that. I in fact looked up some local addiction treatment centers and of course none of them had any information about TSM except for one and that one had pages and pages dedicated about why they don't believe that TSM works because it doesn't ever get to the root of the problem that an alcoholic has... Buuuuulllll ****! So I wanted nothing to do with a medical community that has abandoned all hope for us. But my wife is a scientist too. A real scientist with the PHD and everything so she knew well enough that this was not indeed a scam but rather a medically sound treatment with the data to back it up which is out there and available to anyone who wants to read it. So I don't know if she every really had any expectations or anything like that. I didn't either. I think we both went into this whole thing as a study. I was the rat in the cage and lets just see what happens. Of course what happened in my case was an instant transformation. So what was going on inside me was an absolute epiphany that only one who goes through it can truly understand. It's almost impossible to explain the compulsive drinking that I had to anyone. It's really not possible for people who are not alcoholics to really know what it's like to be one and as such it's not possible for them to truly understand the transformation either.



I know what you mean. When I went to the concert I didn't drink at all. I had drank every night on my vacation prior to that. Granted on some nights I only had one beer, maybe two on another night and then yet on others maybe 4 or even 5 but still. It did not bother me in the least bit to not drink. That had always been my biggest fear and it's still very much ingrained in my mind. I used to call it my 'day of suffering.' The day that I chose to finally sober up after weeks or even months of drinking. I would pick a target date and try real hard to stick to it and go through all kinds of physical and mental torture to fight back the desire to drink it all away again. IF I could make it through the night then the next few days were progressively easier till I finally broke free and could remain sober for the week or even month and on some occasions months. But now even if I drink fro two weeks straight and make the decision to not drink today I suffer nothing. It truly is like the demons have left me. But yet that memory is still there. So I really do just need to get over it and start having more alcohol free weeks. The Naltrexone has done it's job, my brain is definitely rewired, now I just need the mindfulness to rewire those bad memories and habits.

I have thought about taking Naltrexone too often and what that could incur. My biggest worry was in developing a tolerance for it and it no longer working but that is simply not the case. I guess the jury is still out on it's long term use but so far so good. I still only take 1/4 - 1/3rd tab on most drinking sessions. Sometimes I take a half and very rarely, in fact probably only about 4 or 5 times ever, have I taken a full pill.

I used to take hydrocodone drugs to help with withdrawal. Funny that after learning how TSM works on the same principle as opiates that an alcoholic would seek opiates to help with the addiction.. It comes full circle! But anyway several months ago I was off the Naltrexone for a few days and I took some Hydro (I know I'm bad for doing it but I wanted to get that pain free buzz) and it actually seemed to have no affect or at least very little and I took what was way more then a normal dose. So that was kind of weird. I think it might take several days to really get out of the system. So yeah, if we get in an accident or something like that then we could be in for a lot of pain.



When I first started TSM a year ago I found it very helpful to read posts from members that were here for a year or more. That's why I'm here and try to pop in once in a while because I know it helps. I think a lot of people come here at first concerned, worried and even scared, I know I was, and seeing success helps. I hope one day you will be in the same boat. I am confident that anyone can be if they just stick to the program. Good luck!

thanks so much for the update, Ocean! I too can relate to so much of what you're writing about (emergency booze, hiding drinks, having to drink at events...) I've been in for about 16 months and really want to express to people to STAY THE COURSE and stay on Nal longer before giving up. I'm grateful to not be dependent on AL.