Thanks Ocean for checking in and updating us!

Glad things are going so well!

Ocean - I so identify with your post - after I was 'cured' (not sure what else to call it, but after I just did not have the cravings), I did think about drinking and for four nights running, took the nal and poured a drink. But I did not WANT the drink - so eventually poured most of the drinks on each night out - and now do not even entertain the idea of having a drink. Hubs and I do not go out with folk that drink so the social thing does not come into it. hubs has also stopped now - so we do not 'go out for a drink' - apart from a coffee! I know that UKB said that eventually she made the choice to just stop drinking after she was cured. I so agree that habit plays a huge part in it - but eventually the habit is to NOT drink ..... I am really glad to read your post and see that you have chosen mainly to not drink - it is indeed a journey!

Hugs, Maggie x

Maggie that has not quite hit me yet but I think I could almost see it coming. And actually, shame on me, last Friday night I drank way too much. Enough to be hung over on Saturday. Something I have not experienced in 7 months. But still it was different. There was a big gathering at the pub(s) after a memorial service. Lots of good stories, shared memories and of course drinking. Just like in the old days if someone offers me a beer, 'sure I'll have another.'

But again... with TSM I have a mantra, 'What do normal people do?'

And with that I can live with the fact that normal people drink to excess on occasion. The difference being that the next day I was simply hungover not jonesing for alcohol. Big difference. On Saturday I did drink again but only had 3 beers. That would have been absolutely impossible prior to TSM. Prior to TSM the cure for a serious hangover would be to nurse at least 12 beers.

And then Sunday comes along, I feel no need to drink.

So I guess what I am learning now is that with TSM we always hear that it gives us the choice to drink or not. But since I started TSM I still have drinks on most days which sort of seems like it's not a choice. So with a little mindfullness I just make it a point to have an alcohol free day and only now do I see that it is actually a choice.

Point I am trying to make for those struggling with TSM, you need to have alcohol free days. It's like a huge learning event and a giant step forward.

I've been a prisoner of alcohol for so long it almost seems unreal but it's not. After a hard nights drinking like I had on Friday I'd never be able to just make that choice by Sunday.

Ocean,

I can relate to the habit thing, for I had a heck of a time to the point I had to play head games with myself. I had panic attacks at that witching hour if I was aware of the time, but if I was busy I didn't notice. It is funny how we are wired, for physically I was over alcohol, but mentally my brain did not want me to stop even though there wasn't any pleasure. I also had an issue of over drinking and why I had to set a limit. I know it is not advised to do so, but those nal overs were too much for me to handle. The good news is after 10 months I have no desire to drink, and the thought makes me nauseated. I still desire the taste, but when I think about drinking it just isn't worth it. I never thought I would stop completely, but at this rate I do not see myself drinking any time soon. But of course time will tell, and I (and my family) no longer have to worry IF I do have a drink that it will lead to that downward spiral.

I am happy that you see your drinking as a choice, for it took me awhile to realize that fact!

Jaba

Ocean, thank you for taking the time to write this post. I am struggling with exactly the same thing. I DO have AF days, but they still scare me, even though when I do them they really aren't that hard, just weird because it isn't what I do. What I haven't done very much of yet is stringing them together.

Yes, certainly normal people overdrink on occasion, especially at something like the holidays or a memorial service.

Your story is incredible, I had forgotten how much you drank when you started. Remarkable that you had the life you had given that amount of drinking. I am so glad you found TSM.

In your honor tonight I am going to be AF!!

xoxo Newlife

GO YOU Newlife !!!!

Hugs, Maggie x

Jaba that's wonderful to hear! I remember when I first started TSM actually kind of being afraid on NOT wanting to drink again. In fact it prevented me from starting TSM on my target date. I finally rationalized that if I actually get to the point where I don't want to drink again through TSM then it will actually be a real and authentic experience not one of the ones I pretended it to be so many many times in the past and that it will be all good.

Newlife... Exactly! The habit taught me to fear the alcohol free days. My brain and body were conditioned and were my torturer. Like Gollums ring if I gave it up then suffering would ensue and it always did. I guess like a tortured kitten he never ever really gets over it once adopted into a loving home. So I am conditioned to expect torture if I stop drinking for a day. But taking that plunge, dipping the toe in the water after that first step and... It's just gone. It's not there any more. Pinch me is this real?

I'm going alcohol free tonight too. Cheers! <clinks glass of water>

There is some theme here about the thought of not drinking for a day being daunting or scary and I certainly know that feeling. For whatever reason, when I was drinking heavily, I found this resource at HAMS to be very helpful. I think I built it up as some big event with the tapering thing, even though my taper was over in a couple days.

I didn't have a choice as I was on medication that is potentially problematic on the liver, so I had to enforce abstinence days. After a few, I realized it was no big deal because I was going to drink again in a few hours, just 24 instead of four...

Here are some tips on how to get through that scary day with no booze...

Incidentally I am alcohol free tonight as well, and going to watch hockey even!

That's something I never would have imagined a few months back...