Hey Ketch,
I also take the nal a few hours before drinking, unless I think there's a chance I'll be drinking for a really long stretch of time. It helps me to take it, forget that I took it, and not associate drinking so immediately with taking the nal. And that way I am less likely to forget it or drink without it being metabolized.
All best,
EL

Hi Ketch

Well done on getting over your nerves following a well known performer and keeping your drinking to a minimum. That is fantastic!
Thanks for your kind comments about being 50 too. It isn't that bad really...
Keep up the great work and good luck with the men in your life.

Sticky

So what's new???

Spied any cute lumberjacks?

Hello All!

Okay, so I feel that I am definitely having a "extinction burst" as I spiked low and then turned around and had a drunk/vampire day yesterday. Man oh man.... I really needed to do laundry, but I popped a Nal at around 9:30 a.m. passed out around 4:00 p.m. after polishing off a 1.5 liter throughout the day.

Slept the whole night through after rousing myself awake and managing to take care of myself hygenically ie. brushing teeth, washing my face and moisterizing....

Worked at the restaurant today. And I am on my third unit right now. Knowing that I have an early call tomorrow for the show, I will excercise some restraint.

No, Andy, the lumberjacks with whom I work are on average 24 years old. So no romance there. I have been a cougar in a few situations, but we all know the saying, "Don't s*#t where you eat." Meaning= Don't blur professional and personal boundries. And I tend to agree.

THE WORST thing happened with Mark.... just so you guys remain in the loop. So he hadn't called the ENTIRE time he was vacationing. Then, I receive a text the day before he was supposed to pass through Ketchikan saying: "Hey, this is Mark. My phone died. What's up?"

Huh. Well, by now I had cooled way down... I know you girl's can relate. The next day he calls and I am performing so I don't answer. He leaves a message saying that he is coming into Ketchikan and can he stay?

Well, I had big shows all in the rain, which takes SOOOOO much more energy. Mark texted me (this would have been last Tuesday night) to confirm the plans we had made before he departed to the Lower 48 asking if he could stay. I wrote him, "I am exhausted, but come on in, I made up the couch for you." And he did just that. However, I turned in around 8:00 p.m. For the record I had a normal bottle of wine and two beers===== 7 units. Quite modest consumption, if you ask me.

The next morning I woke up and he did too around 7:30 a.m. He on the couch and me in my bed. We conversed sans enthusiasm and lacking passion. In fact, in the day that we spent together, he did not kiss me once, compliment me and did not even bother to ask a single question.....

We watched "127 Hours" and he had to leave to catch the ferry. I asked, "Why haven't you kissed me?" He replied blandly, "I dunno...."

He said, "Goodbye," with a distinct tone of finality. I said, "Goodbye Mark."

And it is done.

It ended for whatever reason, but I suspect my alcoholism.

Little does he know that I am going to regain control via TSM, meet with Andy and others and turn the current treatment paradigm on its goddamn head!!!!!

That's the plan anyhow.

God, I've had some shitty days lately. Better days are ahead!! That's what I keep telling myself. So, I'll take a friendly cue from a true hero on this forum... as St. Vincent promotes and encourages, I'll take it on as my own and.....

Nal On,

Ketchikan1 (No Matter What)

Sorry to hear about things with Mark, Ketch. I know it must be difficult to be judged for your drinking. I'm lucky enough now to have an understanding boyfriend (who has dealt with alcoholism in his family and is certainly aware of those tendancies in him, even if he almost always keeps it under control) but it would be much much harder to go through this and have to try and justify yourself to someone new. I think you're doing great and I really hope to see you find a nice guy who realizes that everyone has their own **** and that being an alcoholic does not make you a crappy person!!
Keep the faith and keep on plugging away.
Nal on indeed !!
And congrats on all the performances~!

Hi Ketch

I'm sorry to hear it went badly with Mark too. I'm sure an understanding guy will come along when you least expect it. Keep on trucking along. I'm glad to hear the performances are going well. I'd love to see one!

Cheers
Sticky

Hey Ketch, sorry you are in a rough part of your journey. Don't give another thought about what's his name. Right now getting the alcohol monkey off your back is the priority. It's hard trying to de-addict yourself and still try to work and have relationships at the same time. If TSM works for you then whatever you build with your next romantic interest will be real and not tainted by the fog of uncle AL. Keep your chin up and watch out for flying axes.

Thank you guys for your continual support!

You are lucky Electra to have a man who sticks by you through thick and thin!

And Sticky: You are right... the right man will show up. Sooner than not.

St. Vincent, your advice was promptly taken.... what was that bloke's name anyhow????

It was indeed an extinction burst that I was experiencing a couple days back. I believe this because I am absolutely AF today!!!!!! No craving whatsoever for booze. And I have tomorrow off! Having the luxury of sleeping in is definitely a trigger. Yet I am not triggered in the least!

Great shows today. Big shows, too. And the season has only just begun!

Hey, Sticky, if you want to come watch a show, not only will I get you in for free, you can even crash on my couch! Don't you still get airline perks????

Anyway. I sincerely want to express how much this forum has helped me through the rocky patches. In fact, I talked to my mom today and did not even mention my progress with this treatment-- even though there is real progress happening.

She would not understand. She just wants a healthy and happy daughter. She would think of my testimony as being the ugly and gory details better left unsaid. Besides, she doesn't need to walk this out with me. Not at all.

You know what? I owe her so much that I feel that I should spare her the play by play. And just get through to the other side and then present her with a daughter that is no longer a falling-down-blacking-out-habitual drunk. How 'bout it?

So thanks everybody who allow me to share the ups and downs of the path on which I find my feet today.

With much gratitude,

Ketchikan1

P.S. Sticky, let me know your E.T.A. Tee hee.....

P.S.S. Going to the thyroid specialist tomorrow. I'll keep you posted!

Hey Ketch

I'd have had to work for Air NZ for 25 years to still get perks. I only did 12.5. Bummer!
Good luck for your appointment tomorrow.

Sticky

Ketch, I totally understand yourposition viz. your mom. I also decided a long time ago that I was going to spare my parents the sordid details of my problems with alcohol. They are wonderful people and did nothing wrong for me to end up with this issue, and there's really nothing they could do (my parents are the furthest thing from problem drinkers...they would likely say, so, just stop drinking so much!). When you complete your transformation I'm sure your mom will be thrilled
EL