Hesster - I suspect you've been thrown out of more happening bars than I've ever been in! As usual, a post filled with antics.

I thought of you Sunday during that Pats game as I quaffed a pint of Surly brand ale (good stuff).

I agree with you that most of this process happens in the background. I also think that one of these days you'll reach a tippling point (pun intended) where you'll start putting some more willpower into controlling the party nights. As you know, that's what happened for me in my nightly routine. And I've read about the eventual need for a willpower push in so many posts by "the ones who came before."

I think it's a matter of pulling back on the roller coaster brakes when the time feels right. Lightly and occasionally at first, then with more regularity later. The coaster keeps dipping and weaving, but it does slow down.

I'm not pushing you to obsess about units or anything like that. Not at all. Just saying that you've come a long way and made real, measurable progress, and that you can definitely make it towards your goal when you turn that upcoming corner.

Go Pats!

Hi Hesstler!

Stumbled on your thread this afternoon, really enjoyed what I have read, not all though. Wanted to offer encouragement and support, we need all we can get. It gets tough out there, most day's I'm hopeful, and find reading posts really helps. Have a good one, hope to talk soon.

Zippy Smiles

For what it's worth, I have had a slightly different experience from Tiller, regarding willpower. At first, I exercised a lot of willpower in having AF days and sometimes in cutting down units (this was coming off of 2 years of trying to moderate my drinking with various techniques but no nal). However, in the past couple of months I've not tried to cut down on my consumption at all. I DO question whether or not I really want the drink, and often come to the conclusion that no, I don't. But it doens't FEEL like willpower - it's figuring out that I don't really want a burger, I want a burrito (or whatever lol!!). To each his own experience I guess!!

OMG, is there REALLY a "Surly Brand Ale"??? I'm outta here...what time does the package store close???

Chrissie

I'm glad for Lou's post because it helps me think more about what I mean by willpower and to clarify.

It's not the white-knuckle kind. More like breaking the long-held habit (for me) of drinking each evening. Of having that "I could or I could skip it moment" and choosing to skip.

El describes her experience this way: "I DO question whether or not I really want the drink, and often come to the conclusion that no, I don't."

That's closer to what I mean, too. But it may be a shade different for a daily drinker than someone more on the binge continuum.

One thing for sure: before I did TSM I could never get to that moment of choice. Felt compelled to drink. That's addiction.

For what it's worth...

I NEED THIS IMMEDIATELY.



Hi Zippy - I've been following along with your thread as well. As you can see, I chose the "warts and all" approach, as I can be a chronic over-sharer. I do this not only because I am treating my thread as a detailed journal that I can look back on, but also because I want to be honest with myself about how much of an alcoholic mess I was/am. Thanks for the support!




This is interesting. I've found that it's been progressively easier to apply a little willpower to abstain completely (hence the volume of AF days), but now that I've transitioned to more of a binge drinker, it's been a little bit more difficult lately to find the off-switch. I tend to agree with Tiller - willpower can work differently based on the drinking profile. I guess it's tougher to find the brakes once I get going vs. not even bothering to start the engine.

I'm prepared for TSM to become a long process, since the member that my pre-TSM drinking maps closest to is actually Ketch (daily binge drinker). She's on her 11th month (and just may have turned a HUGE corner), so I'm strapping myself in for a long ride. I'm totally fine with that, since there's no way I'm going back to the way I was...no matter how long it takes.

Hey Ya Hess!

Being honest with TSM was easy for me with all my AA training. I had really come to a point of being true to myself by allowing me to go through this. At first scary, very scary, I didn't know if it would work and I certainly took a huge leap of faith. I have had more downs than I care to discuss, today is night and day difference between the way I use to drink. To me this is progress with hope that I won't ever go back there again. Feeling as if I regained a part of myself that I thought was lost, a part of me that I really liked. I'm learning anew again to just let go and not worry so much about everything little thing. The tough part has been accepting myself now, out of AA, and truely enjoying what I'm doing. The shame and guilt of AA creeps in here and there, that part of the debugging is still in process. I guess this takes time too, as all good things do.

Hope to chat soon.

Zippy Smiles

"I've found that it's been progressively easier to apply a little willpower to abstain completely (hence the volume of AF days), but now that I've transitioned to more of a binge drinker, it's been a little bit more difficult lately to find the off-switch"

Yep, exactly. That was me about 2-3-4 months into TSM. It's going the other way again (more AL days, but fewer by far binges). I think it's just your brain trying out all the different ways to get the reward maybe?

Hi all,

I'm going to keep my recap for Week 21 fairly brief, as the overall vibe was more of the same from this plateau stage. My units are still a bit higher than I'd like, but subjectively I've noticed some important changes.

This past Saturday was my birthday (the big 29), and it was actually the first birthday I've looked forward to since I turned 21. Typically, I don't like being the center of attention and hate when others make any sort of fuss over me. But this year...I was really looking forward to putting 28 behind me (much like all of 2011)...so I was excited to celebrate. This would've been a disaster pre-Nal.

This year, I met a bunch of friends up in Boston and actually struggled to keep up with them. In the past, I would've been inhaling shots and whiskey drinks, but this time I stuck to light beer (although I did sneak in a shot or two...and could hardly keep them down). Instead of being a slobbering mess by 9 pm, I kept my sh*t together with little effort, wing-manned for a good buddy and the night ended up being a blast (despite having to keep my blacked-out roommate from insulting everyone in a four-block radius). I'm willing to bet I was one of the more sober ones in our surly contingent. SUCCESS.

I also made it a point to schedule a moderate night last week (<5 units), and that worked out well. It was reassuring to know that I could still keep it lowkey without any trouble, because as I've mentioned, my nights are typically AF or a sh*tshow lately.

Mon - 4.33
Tues - AF
Wed - AF
Thurs - AF
Fri - 8
Sat - 11.58
Sun - 10.5

Total - 34.41

In a previous post, I listed some goals for the year - one of which was to stay in shape while gaining 10 lbs. I signed up for this monstrosity of an obstacle course (http://toughmudder.com) and I'm hoping the training program will help me get some burly muscles (I'll have until the middle of July to train). The description of the event looks absolutely insane, so I'll either dominate the course like a boss or perish in a blaze of glory. If that's the case, it's been nice knowing you all!

Thanks for reading, and best of luck this week.

-H

Oh Hess!

Your going to dominate the course like a BOSS baby!!! Love hearing/reading about your adventures you are doing great! I am so encouraged by your story...

Zippy