Well week 3 of my progress won't be until Tuesday, but I've been feeling so down and so much going on, I thought I'd just post what's going on. I popped open a 3rd bottle of wine on 2 different occasions in the last 1 1/2 weeks, drank not quite one glass from the 3rd each time and stopped and went off to bed. But every night when I get home and open that first bottle and take my first few sips, I make this face and say, this is awful! But I push myself through it, and I just wish I wouldn't!

Last Wednesday my husband and I went to the bank and had all the divorce papers notarized, then on Thursday I went to the courthouse and filed them. It's an uncontested no children divorce so easy in that respect, but still emotionally charging. When I told him in early August we had to divorce and the reasons why, all he said was well, if that's what you want. Nothing else at all, just that. I won't go into detail about it all, but it's the usual reasons most people have, cheating, betrayal and not working and not looking for a job, but even though we get along and still live together, it's very draining. Then, I was supposed to start back at university tomorrow, 4 days a week, 20 hours a week (I also have another pt job at 18 - 20 hours per wk), and got an email from the dept I work for at the university Friday saying to just come in for a few hours on Tues. & Thurs. this week and next and according to new rules I can only work 6 months of the year, not 9 anymore. So, my hours are cut, my income is lower, I have a soon to be ex-husband still living with me unemployed, and I only got to work out twice last week so I could pick up hours from my sick co-worker at the job I still do have!

I am actually impressed that I didn't plow right through those 3rd bottles those days I opened them. I know I will get through this, I just wish the nal would really kick in and I've control, because I'm afraid of really losing it sometimes this last week and a half, and probably until he's out and the divorce is final.

So for now, if I can just stick to 2 bottles a night, that's good enough for me until nal works its' miracle for me.
petal

Hold on Petal. It's a bumpy ride. We're here for you!

Just making the decision about the divorce and following through is a huge accomplishment. You you've taken charge of your alcohol addiction. Yes the ride is bumpy but you're moving in the right direction.

Thanks Lo0p and lena for your support, it helps and is appreciated. So, yesterday marked week 3 and no changes really in drinking habits. But emotionally I feel a bit better, maybe because I've been so busy with working out work schedules and making sure this week I've taken time for me, (which is pretty rare) instead of being at everyone's beckoned call. I'm usually such a wuss and always give in, which leads to depression, which leads to drinking.... you all get it. So, I know it's only Wednesday, but I've managed pretty well since my almost meltdown post on Sunday. Hope springs eternal, eh?

petal

Tuesday marked week 4 for me, and still no significant changes in my habits, mostly all I feel is really, really tired after the first bottle. But it doesn't stop me from opening the second... I've tried working on things around the house and keeping busy but I still manage to finish off the second bottle by about 10:00pm or so (I usually start between 5:30 and 6:00 when I get home from work). I'm having my first glass from my second bottle now and all I really want to do is go to bed, (it's 8:00pm here) but I know if I do I'll be up around 2 or 3am, so I'll force myself to stay up longer, I have a few other things I want to work on, but at this moment I have no doubt I will somehow finish off the second bottle.

petal

Yesterday marked week 5 and still no significant changes, just the really tired thing still going on. And the taste of the first few sips are awful, but I don't stop. Too much isolation, even with things to do, it's just not enough. I've actually had the time to read more of the book and am finding it encouraging and helpful, now just to put some things into place. At least I've not been drinking while reading the book!!

-petal

Hang in - it will take awhile! Good luck!

WtoE, you are exactly right, I am drinking alone, ALWAYS! I try to shake things up, well, not really I guess. It's just easier to come home after work, and do my usual routine. Week-end days are easier, it's the isolation and loneliness of the evenings. I have a soon to be ex-husband still living here. We rarely see each other or ever do anything together, we get along but he is never there for me, (never has been). And I think since I've filed for divorce, this is my main trigger for drinking steadily, instead of having a night or 2 off. I'm still so emotionally invested. Patience is not one of my virtues, but in this case I want to be normal so bad I'm doing my best to read all I can on this site and learn from everyone's posts, it helps a lot, and I appreciate all the encouragement that is given me and everyone else who is new here from all who have gone before us. Thanks.

petal

Hi Petal
Been there -sharing living space with an ex- its horrible. None of the blessings of companionship and none of the advantages of truly having your own space. Its a kind of awful limbo.
My biggest trigger has been isolation also and it has been the hardest to extinguish. I know sometimes you'd rather just be home and holed up with a drink or a bottle. But it does change- in the past couple of weeks i am finding that even when i have felt alone and isolated and wanting to get inside a bottle it just doesn't have the same appeal. I go with the craving, open the bottle and find i cant have more than a couple of glasses. It doesn't cure the isolation but at least i don't add to my misery by waking up beating myself up are there support groups around you for separated/divorced people? You might not feel ready yet to change your routine but the cliche is true - time is a great healer. And give yourself a pat on the back for your courage to end the marriage and embark on this TSM journey.

Having gone through a recent breakup where we continued to reside together for a couple of months when it was over, I can totally relate to your misery. You probably know this, but fully recognizing it helped me to cut my drinking sessions earlier when in your same situation. Before TSM, I just viewed that drink as a pleasant escape with no consequences. However, that drink IS NOT YOUR FRIEND and has major negative consequences. The biggest for me was an increase in generalized depression/misery the day after I drank. As I became more and more aware of this fact it had two benefits for me. FIrst, when I reached for the drink for comfort, I fully did so knowing "OK, this will make me feel better now, but far worse later." It therefore weakened my enthusiasm as I reached for the first drink. And then, after I poured a couple, I would continue to think, "Each glass you poor will make you feel more miserable tomorrow." Consciously thinking to myself, "This is really stupid and self-defeating -- drinking will only make me feel worse" definitely helped me to cut down on the frequency of my drinking sessions and the amount that I had. There really is nothing worse for depression than pouring alcohol on top of it. If you can go a few days AF, you will completely realize this fact. Good luck.