Hi Alice

How you getting on this week? Are your kids away just now?? All good here - first 4 days went really really well .. wavering a bit tonight .. but have taken my Nal so hope it continues to work wonders!! It maybe just the honeymoon period ... but I'm pleased an so relieved it seems to work

Hope you're getting on ok?? Lorraine

hi lorraine,

It's great you are gettng on so well with the TSM!

Kids are off with their dad to Scotland Friday and back Sunday.

TSM does not seem to be working for me so far...But I will keep going!

Well, it is my week 5 with the TSM and I am not sure it's working!

My big problem i think is drinking in the day and it is getting worse! And i can't stop myself if i am feeling misarable, which i seem to be most mornings and a lot ofd the time..

Last weekend Sat i managed to not have any wine till abt 4:30.
But then Su morning my son refused to go to rugby. He's 7 and can be very stubburn. He was shouting at me and hitting me...And i ended up going through a bottle of wine in the morning! AND SURE ENOUGH HAD ANOTHER ONE IN THE EVENING AFTER THE Nal!

This week is half-term in UK so took some time off work. Mo did OK-ish. But Tu, Wed and Th every day had drinks through the day. Wed spent most of the day dozing off

This simply has to stop but I don't know if I have the strength to do it!

Today my ex went with my kids to Scotland for two days. I somehow have to make this weekend a success.

Any encouragement or advise is welcome. I am at work now and just had a long cry in the toilet...

Am really really dreading the next two days!

And right now i thoink i'll never beat this alcohol beast.

Alice

Alice,
As we say in America, "Get a hold of yo'self, girl. You betta check yo'self before you wreck yo'self." But seriously...it sounds like you're not 100% doing the Sinclair Method -- especially your insinuation that you drank a bottle of wine in the morning and then another at night "after the Nal," as you say. I hope you're taking a pill before each bottle, or else you're just spinning your wheels -- "Hey brain, alcohol is great. Hey brain, alcohol is not so great." But, from reading through all your posts, it seems like you have a realllllly strong emotional connection to alcohol and use it to neutralize all sorts of feelings and issues (perhaps even when you're feeling good and happy, to make you feel EVEN MORE good and happy). It also has you in what might be called a "shame spiral" -- drinking makes you feel ashamed so you feel bad about yourself so you drink to feel better, but then you feel bad about yourself, ad infinitum. Your desperation really comes through your posts and I feel for you. I guess your main challenge is to find other ways to respond to the normal negativity of life without jumping right into the arms of Mr. Al Kohol. For example, your seven year old son does something mean to you -- I assume you see how irrational it seems that this would drive a mom to down a bottle of wine in the morning! I'm not trying to be judgmental, because I've certainly done my fair share of silly, dysfunctional actions all in the cause of drinking. Hopefully, looking back, you will find that kind of funny one day.

So, you CAN'T control your drinking and your emotions, and the strong bond between the two. What CAN you control?
**You CAN control your use of Naltrexone, taking it one hour before you start drinking and perhaps taking another one later in the day if you're going to have a long, drawn-out drinking session. **
**You CAN control how much alcohol you have in the house. By the time you get your keys, buckle up the kids, drive to the liquor store, and get back, your emotions would likely have subsided. Question: How many bottles of wine do you have in your house RIGHT NOW? (Any good alcohol addict can make an immediate and full inventory of everything containing alcohol in their house). Given your knee-jerk reactions that lead you to drink wine, why would you have any in your house?
**You CAN control the steps you take when you're sober and wanting to stop drinking. Again, make "drunk mom" really work for it, and make "sober mom" really tricky and harsh. Not that you have schizophrenia or multiple personality disorder, but you really are in a battle within yourself -- desperately wanting to stop drinking, and desperately wanting to drink, all at the same time!

If you haven't read through the http://www.rationalrecovery.com short course, I would recommend it (again, hit the blue button). Your Addictive Voice is very strong but, remember, it has no hands and feet and relies on YOU to give it its booze. I've always found that concept helpful.

Anyway, put your big girl pants on and get back in the fight. Emotion and drama are not your friend in this fight.
Maybe this video clip will cheer you up -- my favorite fight scene ever! Picture the drunk, emotion-led English sailors as alcohol, and the calm, controlled Bruce Lee as "sober mom."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fLmdqBDQBk

Hi Barry,

You are so very right abt my strong emotional connection with alcohol. And yes, i do use it to make myself better etc...

I simply have to stop myself from drinking day-time! Have to get a hold of myself like you say!

I am prescribed ther Nal and get 14 pills for 14 days, so can't take more than one a day.

I might actually buy some extra off the internet to get me on the track.
Yes i know a lot of the stuff i do. like down a btl of wine because my son is silly is otrrational. It's just i have done it for so long now..

I will look at the website you recommend tomorrow (am at work now).

Alice

Hi Alice

... As Barry says ... we're all here for you .... we're in your corner so please hang in there - they don't work if they're still in the packet (!) ... I'm sure if you need to take extra Nal you can just get your prescription day or two earlier ... pretend a pill or two went down the sink as you popped them out the packet!

Really hope you have a good couple of days to get you back on track ... I'm sure you're a great Mum and you are here trying to get help with the problem we all share .... hang in there, start afresh and keep us posted ... good luck

Lorraine

Hi Lorraine,

I get dated prescriptions, so can't get them earlier..But i think I'll order some off the internet. You and some one else seemed to be happy with where you ordered yours from. Can you give me the web site please!

Alice,
In my opinion, you might do well to just "start over" with TSM. Forget the last 5 weeks ever happened. It's no big deal and that's not a lot of time in the big scheme of things. Round One goes to Alcohol. Hey, it's a worthy opponent. I just think that your multiple drinking episodes without Naltrexone have probably negated any long-term curative effect Naltrexone might have had for you. Remember that you're supposed to take Naltrexone an hour before drinking and drink "like you normally would." If you normally drink in the day while acting like an emotional wreck, then take Naltrexone, act like an emotional wreck, and drink on. I can see, though, how you would be having a hard time following TSM exactly, because by your posts it seems you have a history of having an emotional experience and immediately reaching for a bottle. Take the episode with your 7 year old when he karate chopped you -- it would be difficult to say, "Urrg. I'm so mad and I really need a drink to calm me. I'm going to take a pill, wait an hour, and then have a drink." More likely, you're saying, "F**k it. I need a drink!" That's a difficult problem for you to solve, but it's clearly solvable (again, I assume you're a single mom, so why not just remove the wine bottles from your house? Emotional reaction problem solved!).

If a shortage of Naltrexone is your problem, that's also solvable. It seems as though the main places people get their pills online are: Goldpharma, alldaychemist, or riverpharmacy (in Canada). If money's an issue, think of how much cheaper Naltrexone is than wine. Load up on the stuff and start over. You might want to even PLAN on drinking in the morning. Make sure everything is safe, wake up, take a pill while you're calm, and then drink on. If you choose to drink in the evening, take another pill, wait an hour, and then drink on. If you plan on drinking in the morning and then follow through with the plan, you will get a boost of accomplishment and won't have to beat yourself up like you do. Do this regimen while at the same time trying to work on the underlying issues that make your drinking so unpredictable and dysfunctional, and THEN I bet you have some success.

"Desperation can be a very good ally if you steer it in the right direction. It's much more useful than apathy."

Hi Alice

Yes ... I see your problem getting extra pills - I got mine from gold pharma www.goldpharma.com arrived 8 days after ordering (Bristol Meyers Squibb make .. came from Spain!) There's a form to fill in .. then you get an email back saying "the Dr has approved your prescription!) .... but they state 6 - 10 working days ... and their customer service email keeps you in touch.

I agree with Barry ... for that wee bit extra money paying for them - think of what you will save in buying wine

What a lovely quote Barry re apathy/desperation ..... Come on Alice - we're all in your corner!! Have a good weekend and start anew! Best of "British" and everywhere else luck to you!

Lorraine

Hi Barry and Loraine and thanks for your support!

I will order some extra pills.

But also at the momeny am thinking can i possibly eliminate the day time drinks? It is easy in the week as i work full time. It is weekends and school holiday time really.

Lats night i did reallyOK: only 250 ml wine and 50 ml v-ka, which is 4.9 UK units.

Today I have to try hard to stay off the wine until the evening. Kids are away with dad and I am feeling down, so will be haed. But am hadding to the gym shortly so that will help.

Yes Barry i am a single mum. And before ex moving last May our realtionship had been horrid (lack of emotional support or physical frm hi; i was always critisized and never given any praise; we basically shared a roof and children, but not a life. This is why i am here now. Alcohol became my way of dealing with the loneliness, emotional hurt etc)

Hope you both have a good weekend!