Had a really good week this week. Since Monday, I've had three AF days. One of the days that I did drink, I only had 1.5 beers, tossed the rest of the second beer. The other day I had four beers, but it felt like I was forcing myself. Definitely hit a plateau or maybe even a bit of an increase last month, but I feel like I'm back on track now and headed in the right direction. As far as cravings go, I don't really crave at all during the day. Sometimes, though not often, in the afternoon on my way home from work I'll think about beer, but I think that is more a factor of 10 years of habitual drinking, rather than craving. I definitely have not had that feeling where I might tear my skin off if I don't get a drink, so that's good. Definitely getting closer!

I have not been doing well with my drinking of late. The last two weeks I've drank every night, and fairly heavily. Probably 70 units or so. I had been doing SO well, and now this relapse or whatever, has me concerned. I injured my back pretty badly, so I think maybe that threw me off. You know, it's funny: I have two bottles of VERY potent prescription narcotics in my bathroom, and I have no interest in them whatsoever. I'd rather drink. Strange how selective addiction can be. I'm drunk tonight, not wasted though. I'm going to try and abstain for the next two nights. So frustrating, this up and down roller coaster. Really thought I was getting close, but these last couple weeks prove that's not the case at all. One day at a time.

Hi Sam,

I'm sorry to hear that you hurt your back and that your drinking seems to be increasing again. The two are probably are related. Pain is a well known drinking trigger, alcohol relaxes the muscles and helps with pain. It is possible too that you are feeling down because of the pain and/or diminished physical capacity. You are probably not sleeping well either. It could also be the end of the Honeymoon period, but given your back problems, I'd think not.

I, probably like most people, do not handle injury or illness well. I don't want to be sick or injured. I have a tendency to want to fight it but in my mind I somehow convince myself that this is how the rest of my life is going to be ... I dramatise and get depressed ... I have to work very hard to get myself to accept that shnit happens sometimes and that I just have to get over it and be patient, that it WILL pass, I WILL feel better. I have to accept that I'll be on reduced output for a while but that that's ok. I have to constantly remind myself; your sick/hurt, it happens, stuff can wait.

When pain is added to the mix it gets so much worse! chronic pain, even if it's not particularly strong pain, gets to our mood very fast, it can bring us waay down! It drains us physically, we don't sleep well which adds to the exhaustion. When we are physically tired, we are emotionally fragile. We become obsessed with the pain, how to move to avoid it, anticipating the next wave etc... etc...
It sucks!

I'm not sure to what extent (if any) you are feeling any of the above, but sometimes just realising that what you are feeling is normal, that you have the right to feel down and be less active, that you even have the right to complain about it, helps. Try not to force yourself to do stuff. Be selfish about your back, let others do things, someone else can load or unload the dishwasher, and if someone can't, well, let it wait, hand wash the few things you need until you're well enough to do it. Stuff can wait, actually stuff usually does!

Look after yourself. Get some sunshine during the day. Eat healthily. Take your meds, especially about an hour before you'd usually start drinking. If you're in less pain, you might not crave a drink as much. MAke sure you're neither thirsty or hungry either, don't underestimate their power.

Hang in there! It WILL pass.

Curi

Thanks Curi. I think you're right about my back pain. Also, thinking about it, I've been under a lot of stress lately and I thought I was handling it well, but maybe not so much. Fortunately, my back is doing a lot better, though still stiff, and the situations causing my stress have eased up. I think I just need to try and be more cognizant of how I'm feeling about things. I think I get in this mode where I just keep my head down and try to keep moving forward. Maybe that's not always the best way to handle things.

I hate to see your spike back up to 70. Are you in US or over seas? Just wondering as most of the posters have lower pre-nal numbers than me. However, your 30 units and 2 AF's looks promising for me.