I assume that is that how it worked for you in the past???

I'm glad you're feeling better today...we all have those crazy spells and then the next day wonder what was that about??? But breaking habits is really, really hard, and we can become the victims of other people's habits too...

Though I really envy your ability to only have 2 drinks, I respect your desire to NOT have them...if it makes you unhappy, then its a problem. So..."let go and let Nal".

Saturday was the usual very stressful day. But took nal at 4pm, read a library book, had a glass at 5, DH came home at 6pm quite tipsy after being out all afternoon drinking beer and watching the Stamps...but he did get the BBQ going and we watched a movie - had another. Just the usual Saturday night.

Feel fine after 2. Head feels quite clear. Don't get buzzed very much. So all is well. Sunday will be rinse and repeat. I'm hoping for some AF nights next week but will see how it goes.

Forgot to log an AF for Friday last. It was fine as we went to evening Mass - I did plan to have a drink when we got home but didn't feel well!!! So I guess it was a "forced" AF but that's fine for now. We'll see what the week brings.

AF, good for you!!! As far as I'm concerned, it ALL counts, no matter what the inspiration was!

Quite amazing last night how little pleasure I derived from my "usual two" of even the nice red I bought. I felt nothing, no buzz, no sense of pleasure from the first sip, no relaxation - as a matter of fact I was quite irritable and crabby. I was reading and DH kept interrupting me and as he was going swimming in our quite dangerous river - very fast unpredictable currents - I was just annoyed and generally in a baddish mood. I had to actually make myself calm down and be at peace. I knew right away that if I drank while in this mood I could get one of those "nasty" things going - want to avoid that at all costs. I did calm myself and the rest of the evening was ok.

As well the wine was almost tasteless. The first drink I had of this new stuff last week was soooo good and I thought I was soooo clever buying some good stuff instead of drinking DH's plonk...but last night the wine was almost tasteless - why I poured the second one is anybody's guess...like maybe I'm addicted!!! And looking for that relief and relaxation. Well it just was not there.

I'm almost feeling like this is really beginning to happen - that naltrexone is working for me - again. What's going to be different this time? Maybe I can come to the realization, if I really think about it, that with naltrexone drinking is just useless. So maybe this will lead me to have more AF days and to drink when it's appropriate - hey, like a normal person?????

I can see how this process would be frightening to someone who wanted to keep drinking (like me!!) - and that drinking units going up is so typical. If we're not getting that buzz we keep on pecking at the lever - and of course then we just drink over the naltrexone - and we may even delay our progress.

Anyway feeling all brave and righteous now - we'll see if I am able to think this way at 5pm!!!! I'm not going to freak out if I can't have an AF but at least I'll know before hand that if I pour a glass and sip it I'm not going to get what I think I'm going to get.

Tuesday night was a rinse and repeat. But what the heck. I was seriously thinking all day about having an AF day but caved. Interesting thing, at 4 I took my nal. Had something to eat and cup of tea. Then right at 5 after I fed the dog I reached, and poured.

No buzz, not much taste to the vino, but I just felt antsy and irritable - DH and I had quite a "set-to" over some of his friends coming into town and not having the inclination or time to fit them in....they are people I really dislike so I was not falling over myself to be social this weekend - but I felt obligated as "the wife" to do some planning - we argued but then settled down peacefully (thank goodness we don't argue very long - we're both peace-makers!!) and got dinner ready and watched a movie (again!) and I ended up having 2 glasses (again!).

I try to relax and let this process happen but I'm just sooooooo up tight about all this - I really need to take something to calm me down. This morning on the way to Mass I almost had to bite my tongue because DH was taking the scenic route and driving so damned slow - just about drove me crazy not telling him where to go, and how fast to get there.....I could feel my anxiety level way off the charts. Of course we were actually way early so I was anxious for nothing - but hey, that's what I do....And I still feel very agitated now.....I'll take some GABA now, then more at 1pm and more at 4pm and see if I can get some peace back.

Don't think I'm going to even think about an AF day until more time back on Nal. It's been months since I took it regularly after all my months on Topamax.

Onwards!!!!!

Righto. Don't pressure yourself about that...it happened before and it will happen again.

Hi Revert - Don't know your whole story as haven't completely read through your thread(s), but wanted to pop in here to give you some encouragement. Just keep doing Nal+Al like you said, don't overthink it, don't push it beyond what works for you.

Like I said in Nalwayout's thread, I had a craving come up again on Monday. I gave in to it after the thought occurred to me that maybe I had some more extinction to do. I went out for my two glasses of wine with dinner as now I won't go buy it for my house (too tempting and easy to keep pouring). After 17 months doing TSM I think breaking the habit of drinking wine at home is a good way for me to go. Once out at the restaurant and gulping two glasses of wine, I didn't have any more cravings, but I sure did act up. Even the waitress told me "Please, don't get upset." I thought I was fine, but geez I was arguing with her about how much lettuce should be in the salad I was taking home to my husband. So, I just noticed all of this and the next morning the craving was gone (it had been nagging at me for several days).

With that said, just do the Nal+Al and when you are ready to do AF, then do it. I wasn't ready to do AF until May 30, 2012 and I started TSM on December 1, 2010! Just saying.

Take care. Half Glass.

I'm feeling very positive this morning. Over the past few nights I've had my usual wine but really have to wonder why I bothered. No buzz, no high, not much of anything good - even the taste is flat. I almost had to force myself to drink.

But of course the addiction is still there so I do pour and drink. Went to a big neighbourhood party on Saturday night. Pretty conservative crowd but there were some who were still there apparently at 3am!! We got there at 4pm (it was a surprise B'Day party backyard BBQ) and I was home by 7:45!!!! I had probably the equivalent of 2 large glasses. The last little plastic cup I poured I filled with ice - and I ended up leaving it on a table, and walking home. The first pour was tasteless and I got no buzz. The second little cup was the same and I looked at it and thought "why the heck am I drinking this stuff?"

Anyway, I got bored and just left - people were coming and going so it was not rude to leave - DH stayed another hour or so and then he left too!! We're not really partiers anymore I guess and as we don't like to really tie one on, we usually don't stick around. I'm starting to feel that this kind of party is just not for me anymore. There were neighbours there that we know well, but lots of strangers too and I found the whole thing just a bore. Lots of great food and BBQ but if I had really been into the booze it would have been more "fun." Just not the same anymore.

Last night I did pour again and found the same thing. I had to force it down and got absolutely nothing out of it. Quite amazing that I'm not getting that alcohol flush that I used to get - I don't feel high at all. Naltrexone is pretty strong I guess and seems to be really blocking my "enjoyment" receptors - I'm so glad!!!!!!

I'm thinking of doing a Whole30 starting today - 30 days of clean eating. I've gained a few pounds over the past week because I've been eating treats, and way too much dairy - not being careful enough of the carbs. So a Whole30 with no grains, no dairy, just clean real food - lots of fat, moderate protein, and very low carbs - lots of salad etc. And I think intermittent fasting is also in the picture - wait to eat until 3pm then break the fast with something fatty - then a regular low-carb dinner. This is how I stay slim and it works very well for me.

One feature of Whole30 is NO booze!!! Now there's a challenge I'd have to really plan this out, and make a big thing of the Whole30 - use the calendar and journal it etc. for this to work. But it might be fun.

I would be cleaning up my eating and racking up the AF days too. I'll see how I feel later in the day. Right now I think I could do it. But don't know if the pressure would be too much. Of course I could have a drink if I really wanted one......we'll see.

Hi there, Revert.

I've noticed you've been very active on the forum as a new member, so I just wanted to say that I appreciate your enthusiasm!

It sounds like you're experiencing some very encouraging initial progress, and it really is an amazing feeling when you find yourself having to force down drinks that you would normally drink down in an instant. Concerning Whole30, I wish you the best of luck if you decide to try the challenge, although I would strongly consider whether or not you want to include teetotalling as a part of the program. You're still in the very early stages of the TSM ride, and there's no need to force AF days just yet if you feel uncomfortable. Maybe just go with the flow for now and focus on the eating aspect of Whole30?

Keep up the good work.

-H