Yup, Week 2.2 and the pattern continues. About two units of wonderful, long-awaited Mosel wine with a nice dinner at home (wife's suggestion, bless her patient heart), once again thought up front that I'd have another before bedtime, but didn't follow through on the idea. No great effort involved there, just got distracted and didn't go for it. Still feeling a little high-altitude spacey, so TSM results are probably tainted at this point but I'm likin' it anyway. Odd that the small amounts I've had so far give me a mild but noticeable buzz; in the bad old days that came somewhere around the end of the first bottle! Of course the timeline was about the same too, ten minutes for one drink now/one bottle then.

The worst thing at this early stage is the degree of awareness involved in each drinking session, hopefully over time it'll become a no-brainer routine like taking my blood pressure meds, but at the moment it's all good.

Week 1: 0,0,1,0,1,1,0
Week 2: 1.5,2....

This is way odd. Took yesterday (Week 2.3) off, just got busy and didn't get around to any drinking. Today I finally had that big glass of Lambrusco at dinner, sipped a bit and finished it afterward, and once again felt just very slightly buzzed ("fuzzy forehead feeling") and no desire for a refill. Even back when I was a "normie" it took me at least 2-3 drinks to hit that point. Go figure. I suppose sooner or later I'm going to have multiple drinks in one session, but at this point I'm almost worried that 3-4 will have me totally blasted! The experiment continues....

Week 1: 0,0,1,0,1,1,0
Week 2: 1.5,2,0,1.5....

Thanks for the update, Ellpee. Being a noob myself, I'm watching you story with much interest.

Thanks, Mike, and good luck to you. Just read your intro to get a feel for your situation, hope your Nal arrives soon so you can get started. Important to note I'm driving in the opposite direction from a lot of people here, in that I stayed at absolute zero for five months and am now cautiously working my way back up to light, once-in-a-while drinking. Another key point in my story is that while I believe in the science behind TSM, my assessment of my particular problem is that besides the whole endorphin thing, I also need to work on better ways to work on my head issues than trying to drink them away. Have had a couple days recently when something happened that greatly annoyed me, and thanks in part to several months of listening to AA, I immediately recognized them as triggers and "thought them to death" instead. Is it really as bad as I initially perceive? Is is something I can fix? Is it something I SHOULD fix?

That being said, I'm finding my experiences very interesting indeed, and I hope for others who want to attempt what I'm doing, I hope my posts prove useful.

LP,

Thanks for the response. Yes, we are definitely coming at it from 2 different experiences. Frankly, given some of the consumption totals I see on here, sometimes I wonder if I'm in the wrong place. Then I remember, I can't seem to go even a single day (without being bitchy and depressed) without a drink or two. So, while my problem may be a little different in terms of "scale", it is STILL a problem. I just want to be able to CHOOSE whether to drink and how much. I don't seem to have much say in it right now.


Mike

As week 2 draws to a close, it turns out the Bad Ellpee is still alive and well. Day 2.5, had one stiff Bloody Mary with spouse, same experience as previous days -- very slight buzz, no desire for another. But on day 2.6 we bought some of those tasty liqueurs I loved in the past, and I had one in the evening. One -- yeah, right. One glass, but about four units! And sneakiness was part of the picture, as I poured it, chugged about half, then added a bunch of ice to the other half to fake out the Missus about how much I was having. I must add, though, that as the evening wore on I somewhat lost interest in what remained in my glass. At a buck a drop I did eventually finish it, but with no great enjoyment of the last few swallows. Today, day 2.7, no hangover or anything, but a certain amount of guilt about how I handled things yesterday, and I could hear the bottle calling me all morning. Took one tiny "tongue-dip" taste, but then backed off and currently plan an AF day other than that taste.

Moral of the story? My usual mantra: there's more to sobriety than abstinence or endorphins, and both sides have to be worked on. I'm encouraged, though, by the consistent pattern of not having much hankering for a second drink after the first (of course last night one was more than enough to do the job!!!) Could that be Nal after this short a time? Dunno, but it's okay with me. Certainly there's a lesson somewhere in the fact that the biggest craving I've experienced so far was after drinking considerably more, and considerably faster, and in the old secretive way. Isn't gulping drinks one of those "twenty signs" that you read about in all the brochures?

Drinking Days: 100+ units a week
AF interlude: 150 days
TSM Week 1: 0,0,1,0,1,1,0
TSM Week 2: 1.5,2,0,1.5,1.5,4,0?

Didn't make AF on week 2.7, had one beer, again found afterward that it didn't really taste all that good. Thinking back, I guess the truth is that I've never really been that much of a beer drinker. But oh, that wine was my best friend!!! Anyhow, one unit that day. First day of week three was something of a blowout, had probably about six units, slightly above my self-imposed daily goal but not too awful. Then, pleased to say, 2 AF with no great effort required, just didn't feel like having a drink. At this point I've pretty much gotten over the high altitude stuff that was muddying the picture at first, so I'm daring to think that it really is the Nal that is keeping my cravings low and manageable. So far, so good. Social event next weekend that might involve some drinking, that will be a new testing scenario as everything to date has been at home with spouse. During my boozing days I was mostly a solitary drinker, so re-learning how to drink reasonably in a social setting will be a valuable experience.

The Bad Old Days: 100+ units a week
AF interlude: 150 days
TSM Week 1: 0, 0, 1, 0, 1, 1, 0
TSM Week 2: 1.5, 2, 0, 1.5, 1.5, 4, 1
TSM Week 3: ~6, 0, 0, ...

I've GOT to start writing these numbers down somewhere, it's getting confusing!

Still managing my intake okay. One margarita on 3.4, couple glasses of Lambrusco on 3.5, AF on 3.6. My #1 demon is that for some reason my alky mind gets a thrill out of sneaking a drink; had to take a clandestine chug out of the bottle when refilling my wine glass. No reason I can point to, wasn't experiencing any bad feelings that I was aware of. Absolutely have to watch that, it was a major part of my alcoholic drinking pattern. Bright side, it's been many months since I actually sneaked out and bought a bottle; what little of that secretive tendency remains has been at home in my own four walls, and very minor in quantity. A way of rebelling against the control inherent in all recovery programs, I guess: nanny nanny booboo, look what I can do, and you can't stop me! Childish, I know, but o-o-o-ohh so dangerous.


The Bad Old Days: 100+ units a week
AF interlude: 150 days
TSM Week 1: 0, 0, 1, 0, 1, 1, 0
TSM Week 2: 1.5, 2, 0, 1.5, 1.5, 4, 1
TSM Week 3: ~6, 0, 0, 1, 2, 0, ...

Ellpee, I am enjoying the different slant you're bringing into your TSM program; that the chemistry is only half and behavioral issues are the other half. I'm impressed w/ how you have, indeed, managed to begin drinking again MODERATELY, as you stated was your goal. I'm also glad to have you point out the good things about AA: it's easy (& popular) to knock it completely, but you are wise to have been able to filter out the good parts w/o buying into the whole deal.

Since you are treading a somewhat different path, I also appreciate your detailed posts...it's making me think about my own program. The rebellious, sneaky part of drinking resonates w/ me particularly! I'm always trying to get away w/ something...WHO am I hurting???

Lagging with the logging. Still here, still finding the process of drinking my way UP the scale an interesting one. Consistently finding that the buzz from just a couple is enough; on those occasions when I went past two units I later realized I wasn't all that enthusiastic about additional drinking. In fact, nowadays I'm feeling enough of a buzz from just a couple that I would probably not get behind the wheel ort use my power tools in that state, which is certainly a good thing. Guess my period of abstinence really lowered my tolerance level.

Also consistently finding, though, that I get a perverse thrill out of sneaking more -- pouring a double instead of a single, or topping off when wifey isn't paying attention. Nasty "character defect" that I'm going to have to watch out for. Something to do with control/not allowing mnyself to be controlled, I suppose. Hasn't gotten out of hand, but I feel bad each time it happens, and that's not how I want it to be six months or a year from now. Of course this is picayune stuff compared to the old days, when I would "sneak" a gallon jug of wine and drink it on the sly while driving around in my truck!

Week 1: 4 AF, avg. on drinking days 1u
Week 2: 1 AF, avg. on drinking days 2u (high 4u)
Week 3: 3 AF, avg on drinking days 3u (high 6u)
Week 4: 3 AF, avg on drinking days 3u (high 4u)
Week 5: 5u, …