Now beginning week 10. I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow to get my prescription renewed. She agreed to write the prescription in the first place only after she had consulted with a colleague who knew more about addiction than she does, but I don't know if the colleague told her about TSM or what, I only found out from the pharmacy that my prescription was there. I have decided to lie and say my consumption has gone down, say, 25%, and that I'd like to continue the Nal. I'm reluctant to tell her about TSN if she doesn't know already in case she decides it's some quack internet thing.

I'm interested in the recent talk on the board about AF days. I don't think I've had one for two years! I've already taken my Nal today so it won't be today. I can't believe it's as easy as people are saying, sitting (or snoozing) with a drink beside me is such a strong habit.

Hi Char, I am or was a daily evening drinker. My habit was so ingrained that the very thought or idea of not drinking for a single day was a huge obstacle. I've been able to quit for a week or weeks at a time on occassion, but what has been very difficult for me -- until now -- was to go rotate AF days with drinking days. NAL seems to have changed that. At week 10 on TSM I decided to start adding AF days and they have been surprisingly easy so far -- in fact, I'm on a 3rd AF day in a row right now. I suggest you try an AF day at some point when you feel ready -- rent a movie or have something to do during your normal drinking session time (treat yourself very well on your AF day with other indulgences and distractions). You may be surprised how easy it is to go AF. I'm now committed to including 2 or 3 AF days per week going forward. I don't want to do any more than that at this point, partly because I want to continue regular extinction sessions. Good luck.

Thanks Merlot, you're very encouraging. Maybe I'll try one today! Although I have a long day of running around to the doctor and then optometrist 2 hours later with I guess Christmas shopping to fill the gap between and then back here to work at about 3. I may be frazzled and need my usual first drink by six. Tomorrow might be better because there's a hockey game on TV and my husband won't notice if I'm watching a movie (I have my own TV) and not snoozing in my chair as usual. I'll keep you posted.

I told the doc I was down to 75%, that wine doesn't even taste good any longer (which is true) and that I felt mildly nauseous all the time and had lost some weight (also true). She was happy to hear all this and the script was coming out of her printer as we spoke. She only gave me 3 months because she thinks we should be touching base on this occasionally but that's fine. I'm happy. But it was an exhausting day compounded by foul cold rain and I've taken my Nal. I have a half-bottle of superior wine I was given as a gift in the summer and I'm going to open that at six instead of the $11 stuff I usually drink. I just wonder if it will taste any better.

My nightly consumption has gone from a bottle plus a glass at the beginning, to a bottle (last week). This morning I was pleased to note I had drunk a little less than a bottle. Trouble is, I think the reason is I fall asleep and forget to drink. I haven't been recording my units either. Tonight I'll try to remember to do that.

Big test tomorrow, company Christmas party and I can't fall asleep or go home because it's at my house. Fortunately we got a caterer so not much stress on me. I bought two cases of wine yesterday, forgot the beer but I'll get some today. A little vacuuming in the morning and it should be okay. I'm optimistic about not overdrinking, kind of looking forward to switching to non-alc punch at some point, the thought of which used to make me gag.

Char, I hope you have a wonderful party and that YOU actually get to enjoy it too! How many times have we been at parties when things turn out ugly!!

You sound like you have things under control. Good for you!

Thank you, BGH! The party was fine. I probably overdrank but not to the point of retiring to the bedroom and passing out quietly on the bed, which is the ugliest it has ever gotten for me, fortunately. I remember it all (I think).

However last night I drank over a bottle of white wine, I'm not sure how much, there were several partial bottles left from the party. And I don't know how I even did it. I usually drink red and have the bottle handy by my armchair but to drink that much white must have required several trips to the fridge and back. Frankly, I don't remember. Today I'm very shaky and anxious. This morning I decided this would be my first AF day since I can't stand the thought of feeling this edgy again tomorrow. But already (early afternoon) my willpower is fading. I'm thinking I'll just open a fresh bottle and when it's gone I'm done. My sister and brother are arriving tomorrow for the weekend. Neither is much of a drinker. I would be humiliated if they noticed my shaky hands and possible non-recall of events and conversations. My husband notices, I know he does, but he rarely says anything.

I think I'll knock off work early and get my present-wrapping started, then I won't feel like such a loser.

Sorry, bad day.

Don't feel like a loser Char. You are trying very hard, and trying never makes a person a loser. I know I feel like that sometimes, but then I think, "would I call a diabetic a loser?" I am a heavy daily drinker and have been for five years. My husband pretends not to notice and looks the other way as well, so I do often feel like I am doing this on my own. But I have not given up and given in to the alcohol, and neither have you. That is to be commended. Don't fixate on numbers right now. Christmas is a hard time of year. Hang in there!

Server, I so appreciate your kind words. But I don't feel I'm working hard at all. I'm spending a lot of money and maybe you are too as I see you're here in Canada. But I just take my Nal every day and then drink. Not hard at all.

I see you are adding AF days. Good for you, I so admire that. I can't remember my last AF day and that one was probably because I had to have a blood test or something the following morning. My husband doesn't know I'm doing TSM. He would probably not notice if I substituted something else for wine because I drink out of a pottery goblet. But he would sure notice if I stayed awake the entire evening! I don't understand why the idea of even one AF day scares me so much.

Well, I've taken my Nal and I have a new bottle of chardonnay in the fridge. The plan is not to go for another one after that, a pretty modest ambition. We'll see.

Oh Char, I hear you. This week has been brutal for me, and I so want some AF days this week, but the stress level is huge at Christmas. Kids at home, fighting with each other, long hours of work for my husband and just the season. Even if I don't make an AF day this week, I need to know that I can forgive myself and push forward. Hating myself for failing only keeps the cycle going. Try a drink of pop or juice or sparkling water between glasses of wine, see if you can slow the pace down. That's what I've been doing. Keep the faith and keep trying. Be kinder to yourself. We all know that no one is harder on ourselves than we are.