I know, I know! I disappeared after I got cured, -too busy with my new AF life. But today I wish to send a message of hope and encouragement to my brethren here who have come after me, and so I have reappeared!

And my New Year's message is: TSM works! 2014 was perhaps the best year of my life.

You can look me up for the gorey details but the short version is: I drank truckloads everyday for 35+ years without a single AF day before finding TSM last March. My drinking was under total control in 3 to 4 months, and by July I was AF (never my goal) -and loving it.

Once I quit drinking I quit taking the pill. Now I only take it if I am in a social situation where not drinking would be awkward. I think that has happened only 2 or maybe 3 times (with exception noted below). When I was drinking and started TSM I never minded taking the pill, and hardly noticed any effects, but if I take one now, I really notice it and don't like it at all! I now cut the pill in half (50mg to 25mg) and it's better, but I still don't like it, and thus avoid situations where I would need to take one. AF is much more pleasant than pill + alcohol now. When I see my doctor next, I am going to ask if it is available in 10 or 15mg for those rare times I need to take one.

My 3 biggest takeaways from my experience:

1. This isn't an effortless magic bullet. It will never work unless the drinker really wants it to work. However, I think it is the ony method that really works. See #2.

2. The biggest thing I got out of the book, all of the research with the rats, and I think the thing the addiction community fails to recognize the most is this: Once your brain gets wired to the point of addiction, -it's permanent (TSM excepted). I always assumed that if an addict abstained long enough, that the addiction would go away. An extreme example would be a multi-year jail sentence. But Sinclaire's research shows that it never does, and that the longer the period of abstaince, the greater the craving becomes. This results in all of the awful destructive binges that follow periods of abstaince. (I never attempted abstaince and I think that is the reason I never got in any trouble despite my massive drinking. The trouble always comes with the binge after the abstaince, -ask any spouse). My newspaper has lots of stories about the sudden increase in heroin overdose deaths. They report that almost all of the deaths are from people who recently got out of jail, and the reason they provide is that the user's tolerance has gone down while in jail. Maybe. But I think far more likely is the user's cravings have gone through the roof. An abstaining addict is a powder keg looking for a fuse. Forever.

What TSM does is actually re-wire the brain and remove the addiction. I like the term "erase". It's gone. Here is an anecdote: Once I completed the program and got AF I still thought about alcohol all the time, but only in the context of how I wasn't drinking, or how normally I would be hung-over at such and such a time, or how what I was doing now I never woud have been able to do before. But I no longer had any thoughts about actually having a drink, or about how having a drink would feel. Well, I have a summer and winter employer. In my winter job, about every 2nd or 3rd Friday, if the week had been a little rough, when we all got back to the shop the boss would produce a bottle and we'd all have a shot or two during a mini-drinking session for about 15 minutes before punching out and going home. Not knowing when a bottle would appear (no advance warning), not liking to take a pill these days (especially when I wasn't at all sure it was even needed), and not wanting to say no when previously I had (for obvious reasons) been one of the most exuberent partakers, I drank unprotected.

And just how long, Dear Reader, do you think it took for random thoughts to begin again about having a drink and how it would feel? And we all know where that road leads, don't we? TSM will erase your addiciton, but it is not even close to permanent if you drink again without the pill. I have had a glimpse of that nightmare scenario, and I hereby warn all of you: Danger! Never drink unprotected.

3. Your life will change in big ways and it is never too early to start thinking about it. Alcohol addiction consumes an enourmous amount of time, and all of that time is usually spent doing things that are no where near as much fun or worthwile when sober. If you are sober and bored, the temptation to revert will increase. Plan accordingly. I also think (this was not me, but I think I am still correct) that if your drinking involves a lot of social interaction, bars, going out, etc. you will have to eventually let that go. I can't see that, once cured, going frequently to bars taking the pill and still having success is viable. See #1: TSM isn't magic. You have to really want to quit. You will have to make lifestyle adjustments so that your new, AF, life is a fulfilling and rewarding one. And it won't be enough just to please the loved ones around you. They will certainly be pleased, but you must also please yourself if you want to be ultimately successful.

We get threads from spouses looking to help their significant other. Those threads are always gut wrenching, but they never have a happy ending, do they? TSM only works if the addict really wants it to work. The impetus must come from the addict. I write this for Overit, and all the other desperate spouses out there.

TSM works, but only if the alcoholic wants it to work, reads the book, follows the program faithfully, and makes appropriate lifestyle changes.

Having said all that, I say again: Happy New Years! If you are here, you've found something magical. Don't waste it by not following through with the protocol. There are no short cuts. I was a pitiful, pathetic alcoholic, slowly but inevitably circling the drain of life's castaways until I came here. Now I am happy, sober, productive, and eager as hell for 2015!

Update: Perhaps something I should add: Don't freak out about the AF days and lifestyle changes. I know when I started I couldn't even begin to think of AF days or living without it. It all seemed impossible, terrifying even. Let the pill do it's thing and it will all work out, -it's a slow enough process that nothing really happens until you're ready for it. I just want you to know when you're ready, -you need to start thinking, even planning, about it as part of a successful transition.

thanks Clarion, so glad to hear how well things are going for you. really appreciate it when the 'cured' folks come back & check in. I guess it's only natural that people drift away once they're getting on with life, but it's really helpful & encouraging to hear how those lives have been turned around by TSM

all the best for 2015

-badger

Congrats Clarion, well said. You got a great year coming, Applause!

I guess I did forget one other, really big, thing (how quickly we can forget painful episodes in our lives): Hangovers. I averaged 1 to 4 hangovers every week of my life for 35+ years. All gone! I haven't had a hangover in 6+ months.

Still, it is strange how hangovers were probably one of the worst things in my life, but now that I am alcohol free, their absence is not in my Top 10 list of blessings that a cure has brought.

I am sure there is some easy phycological explanation for this, but it escapes me.

But something further for folks to look forward to!