Others on this board talk about this process being a journey. I think that's a good description, and this weekend was an interesting segment in that journey.

Friday was my 10th day on NAL and the beginning of the my first beach weekend of the season. Bingeing on weekends, holidays and vacations is my main problem so I knew that this would probably be illuminating and it was.

Normally I would have 3 to 4 heavy cocktails on the walk over to the train station and during the train ride out. I generally arrive quite tipsy. But I had only had 2 light ones. Interesting arriving at the boat almost totally sober.

I was able to limit my intake. Not sure if that's from willpower, increased awareness due to the tracking, or the NAL. Probably some combo of all three. The vodka/soda just doesn't seem to taste as good after the first few.

I tended to make my drinks lighter. And I tried not to refill it until it was empty. I realize that my usual practice is to keep topping it off with fresh vodka and soda when it's half empty.

I never got messy and remember everything that happened. I was able to accomplish things like get a meal prepared for the group without losing track somewhere along the way and having to be rescued.

But I found that there was a strange awareness of things that I wasn't used to. I would get bored with what was going on easily. Or get irritated with people Or need to leave the house and get away for a change of scene. At times it was frustrating that I didn't get to that "high" place where I was in the fun beach holiday mode and holding court.

I also had an odd experience with marijuana. On Friday night it made me very manic....to the point that my friend, who's a therapist, noticed. I hadn't done it in a while because lately it makes me sleepy and tired. But Friday night it went the other way. I think I read somewhere online that when the opioid receptors are blocked, the cannaboid receptors can become more sensitive. I didn't have the same problem on Sat. or Sun. but I never took more than one puff after that.

I also got very tired on Sat. afternoon. My whole frame ached. That could be because I'm now 50 and can't just stay on my feet for hours. But it felt like a different kind of tired.

One of the guys (who doesn't know I'm doing this) brought up that last year by Friday night dinner I was already a mess. I'm not sure if he missed that or not. My friend the therapist knows all about it and he's being very supportive. It's nice to be able to turn to someone in the middle of all this and talk about how I'm feeling right that second.

And mornings. Usually on weekends I go to my first drink right after I'm done with coffee. I found myself having more coffee to stretch out that period. And took the NAL and waited for at least 30-40 minutes before I started sipping the first cocktail. I'll be glad when I don't want that particular drink. Would much rather start later in the day.

I also noticed I'm not as interested in sex. Not so much low libido....I still think about it. But it's like I'm dealing with so many new feelings and perceptions, I just don't have the focus for sex. I think that will change. I hope so.

I'm not sure exactly how to count this. I think 8 for Friday, 12 for Saturday and 8 for Sunday. I did stop drinking when I was on the train back and didn't have any later when I was home.

I hope that when I get far enough into this for it to be really working that I'm not so aware of the NAL and its effects. The next beach weekend will be after Memorial Day.

Now onto my Monday night adventure....my partner's show opening and working with his mother on the intermission refreshments. They're both majorly manic and under pressure. I will definitely need drinks for that.

Well, I overdid it last night and feel lousy today. But the odds were high that it would be that way. My partner's show opened and his mom is here and was putting a spread out for intermission. Both of them are majorly manic. So manic partner, manic mother-in-law, show opening = major stress = too much vodka.

I was completely unaware that I had taken the NAL so maybe I've gotten to the point were all the side effects are gone.

I just don't like feeling like this today.

And I have events Wed. and Sat. Perhaps last night's experience will help me moderate a bit more the rest of the week.

Well, if you do, you do. . .if you don't, you dont. It doesn't matter, just so long as you take your Naltrexone!