Hi all. Today marks the end of WEEK THREE on NAL/ the Sinclair Method. Things have changed noticeably for me, for the better, and I am very encouraged that TSM might actually be, after all, the way that I regain control over alcohol.

I plan to use this thread as a means of journaling my experiences on TSM, much as others do in their own weekly progress threads. Before I recount the experience of the last couple weeks, it seems appropriate to talk about my life pre-TSM.

(takes deep breath- disclaimer and warning, here begins the gigantic novel-length post!)

I’m male, 36, American. I’m easy going, creative (an artist and amateur musician), happy and positive most of the time, and on the sensitive side when it comes to emotional issues, conflict, etc. When I drink, I tend to get extremely friendly, chatty, and outgoing- I want to be everyone’s best friend. I shed exhibitions- talking openly and frankly, acting goofy and foolish, occasionally dancing and/or acting wild. There’s often a lot of fun in this, of course, but there’s also the bad side- sometimes I don’t observe boundaries very well, and sort of overstep them and overstay my welcome. I talk too openly, oftentimes making a fool of myself. This always comes with the dreaded feelings of shame and embarrassment the next day while nursing a terrible hangover.

I began drinking very casually around 16, knowing instantly that I loved it much more so than weed or any other various recreational drugs I tried. Alcohol made me feel awesome- comfortable, witty, wild, courageous. I’d imbibe whenever I could get an older friend to buy for me, which was maybe once or twice a month, on a weekend. At 21, with alcohol suddenly readily available to me, as well as friends and co-workers who seemed to enjoy drinking as much as I did, my consumption rose quickly. No longer confined to occasional weekends, it became a 2-or-3 times per week after work activity, often going way too late into the night. The hangovers at work increased, but I felt like I could handle it all, as I was young and invincible.

I should mention that I ALWAYS smoke fairly heavily when drinking, as well.

Social anxiety also played a large role in my drinking. When faced with the prospect of a party, or socializing with people I didn’t know well, I would often be almost paralyzed by anxiety, but when I would drink, it would melt away and I would be “free” to socialize. Of course, the next day my level of anxiety in general would be worsened. Over the years, my anxiety got heavier and heavier, the only time not feeling it would be when I was drinking. A vicious cycle.

Around 24 or 25 is when I estimate that I transitioned from a heavy drinker to a full alcoholic. Almost all my friends were drinkers too (though not necessarily alcoholics), and I was active in the rock music scene in my city at the time. Band practice, shows, etc. were usually drunken affairs in which I’d put down 6-8 beers or so on average. I wasn’t one to drink daily- instead, it was heavy binge sessions about every two to three days, with a hellish all-day hangover in-between. During the hangover days the thought of drinking (or smoking) made me sick.

Sometime in my mid-twenties I began drinking alone after work or on weekends just to unwind. I was uneasy that I loved drinking so much that I did it alone, increasingly more often, but it became the focus of my relaxation and entertainment. Beers and TV, alone in a dark room, ‘til I stumble to bed and pass out. Sad but true.

This is more or less still my pattern today- the difference being the heavier amount consumed on those binge evenings. When I was younger, I’d be fine with a six pack- then off to bed with a mild hangover to come the next morning. These days, It’s more like anywhere from 8-12 beers (I’ve always preferred the high-alcohol content and hoppy IPA microbrews), half a pack (or more) of smokes, and sometimes adding a few glasses of red wine at the end. By this time the room is spinning, speech slurring, movement stumbly. Routinely I pass out at 5 or 6 am. The next day is a hangover from hell- increasingly calling in sick to work and/or bailing on social events or obligations, as usually I can barely function. I sleep it off, most of the day, spending the remaining hours in front of the TV, depressed as all hell, feeling hopeless. Sometimes the hangover effects even last into the next day. I usually feel intense embarrassment and shame, hoping I hadn’t drunk texted or facebooked something foolish to someone, sometimes checking with friends to make sure I wasn’t “TOO” obnoxious, making apologies for being out of control or saying something uncouth. Oftentimes they’d laugh it off as no big deal, but I’d feel embarrassed and depressed anyway.

The increasing abuse of alcohol has had many damaging effects in my life. I’ve made a mess of myself, often spilling drinks or just being sloppy in general. I’ve had a small handful of true blackouts, one of which I woke up and realized I’d passed out and fallen onto a glass picture frame- broken glass all around me, but luckily unscathed. As disgusting as it is to admit (and I’ll try not to be too graphic…) but in addition to sometimes vomiting at the end of the night, there’s been a couple times where, well… let’s just say I couldn’t quite make it to the restroom in time. Waking up and realizing this… vile state… it often just seemed hopeless.

I’ve lost friendships and relationships, my last ex-girlfriend most notably, who stuck around for 8 years but ultimately abandoned me in my seemingly hopeless addiction. Other close friends have become distant, a few leaving the friendship for good. In addition, I’m ashamed to say that, in younger years, I would sometimes drive while over the limit- In my buzzed/drunk state, I’d “feel fine”- but of course that wasn’t the case- it was my inebriated state influencing my decisions. I thank God that I never hurt anyone. One of the BEST things that ever happened to me was three years ago- getting pulled over, arrested, and charged for DUI. Somehow I thought it’d never happen to me, but it did. (I was driving too slowly/carefully, in an attempt to drive “sober”, and a cop noticed and pulled me over). The resulting couple years of no license, no driving, courts, lawyers, shame, embarrassment, financial burden, alcohol awareness classes, etc etc etc. were no fun to say the least. Thankfully, I was able to plead the DUI charge down to a lesser charge. Ever since then I’ve been extremely careful not to drive whenever drinking. I thank God that I got that DUI arrest because if I hadn’t, I might have never changed my perspective for the better when it comes to driving and alcohol.

While I’m happy that I can control at least THAT little bit of harm reduction, the picture is still bleak. I’m still binge drinking with the same regularity and the high amounts. I’m still missing work, missing creativity and life, hating myself, feeling intense depression, anxiety, remorse, etc. Something clearly has to change.
Over the years I’ve made a number of attempts to gain control and/or quit entirely. I’ve attended AA meetings, but never more than just a couple at a time before I abandoned it and was back to drinking. Around 2005, I found a non-twelve step, private outpatient rehab-sobriety group. I attended this, 2 to 3 times per week, for about 6 months. It was helpful in gaining control over emotions and awareness over triggers, but I was never able to abstain from drinking for more than a week or two. The physical urge was just too great, every time. I felt weak and ineffective, hopeless and lost. I’ve also tried Antabuse, for a couple months at a time, only to have my addiction “win out” by convincing me that I should stop taking the Antabuse and reward myself with a binge. This went on for a few times before I finally just abandoned it. I briefly tried the Vitamin Cure advocated by the Seven Weeks to Sobriety but abandoned it (I couldn’t take 50 pills a day for very long).

That’s my present routine, and as I’m sure some of you can relate, it’s a terrible waste of a life that could be so much better spent. I literally lose about half my time each week to drinking and recovering. I could, and should, be using that time towards the many creative projects that I’ve dreamed of pursuing for many years (my long-time dream of self-publishing art/illustration books, graphic novels, children’s illustrated storybooks, etc.) That’s my ultimate goal, to regain control over alcohol, and thus regain my time, mood, and self-respect. That may take the form of abstinence or moderation, I’m not sure yet- but control it I must, or I’m headed on a one-way trip to alcoholic haze hell for the rest of my life. I have multiple family members who are alcoholics- it runs heavily in my family. With the older family members whose alcoholism is more advanced than mine, I’ve seen it utterly destroy their families, their ability to connect with people, ability to hold down a job and provide for themselves, and their general state of being, and it’s scary as hell to think that I’ll have a similar fate if I don’t gain control.

At my lowest, as recent as a couple weeks ago, I’d sometimes entertain thoughts about being “gone”, going so far as to fantasize about just “disappearing”, or even ending my life. I am lucky enough, though, that I DO have the love of some amazing family, as well as my amazingly supportive and loving girlfriend, and so I could never actually bring myself to actually do it-- but I would sometimes find some weird solace in the fantasy, maybe because I felt my situation was so bleak and hopeless.
It was at this lowest point that I confided in my girlfriend about my state of despair and she encouraged me, telling me of how it was time to get back out there and search for another answer. Emboldened by this, I did a mini-shopping spree on amazon, buying any well-reviewed book on treating alcoholism I could find, and one of them happened to be The Cure for Alcoholism.

So, now I’ve found some hope in TSM. Now, I am optimistic that I will indeed gain control. Now, I am hopeful that even though the journey may be long, I will eventually be able to have a good, full life.

So, as of three weeks ago, I’ve got my NAL prescription from a TSM-friendly doctor. For the sake of my own journaling, a couple other notes of the state of my health-
In addition to NAL, I take Effexor daily to treat depression and anxiety (it has been EXTREMELY helpful for these, and I’ll continue to take it for the foreseeable future). I also take Armor Thyroid for hypothyroidism (under-active thyroid) and omeprazole for esophagitis/GERD. I take a handful of daily supplements, including 3000 mgs of Vitamin C, a multivitamin, a bunch of Omega-3 Fish Oil, and daily doses of L-Glutamine and “No-Flush” Niacin, both of which I’ve read can help with alcohol cravings. Despite occasional attempts at the contrary, my exercise is little to none, and my diet fluctuates from very healthy at times, to very unhealthy (fast food and sweets). Both of those things, of course, I wish to change as well—but gaining control over alcohol is priority #1.

If anyone’s still reading this after such a long entry, thanks! And thanks even to those who tried, and said “screw this, I wonder what’s on TV”

OK, now that I have my big recap chronicled, done, and out of the way, next up it’s time to write about Week One.

Thanks all!

RECAP of WEEK ONE

Week one was interesting and very encouraging. After dumping my worthless MD for having little to no interest in helping me or even reading about TSM, I found a better doctor. I have this forum to thank for helping me find a doctor who is active in learning about the latest treatments in addiction, and is knowledgeable and encouraging of TSM.

I saw her, told her my story, and she agreed to prescribe NAL. I was very encouraged, and it felt good to be proactive in trying a new method to get my addiction under control.
I had my first couple nights drinking on NAL. She started me out on 25 mg for the first 7 day period, 3 or so of which I drank (on the 25 mgNAL). It was an interesting experience-- having the mind feel clear and sharp (and basically, sober) while still drinking. It does feel different- the euphoria (and all the bad decision-making that comes with it) seemed to be missing. I was sharp, clear, and calm.

I was happily surprised to find that I was definitely in the Honeymoon Period. That first week I easily quit after 2 to 4 drinks, usually pouring the final half-glass down the drain, more interested in a good night’s sleep than in getting loaded. Very encouraging indeed!

The only downside to that first week was a very distinct side effect of the NAL- restless sleep/occasional insomnia. That was a drag to be sure, but still better than getting hammered and being miserable. My usual sleep aid, 3mg Melatonin before bed, proved ineffective at helping me get to sleep and stay asleep on any night that I took NAL. So, I picked up a sleep aid (Tylenol PM and the like) and that seemed to do the trick.

The only other side effect I experienced was mild to moderate nausea after taking the NAL and then drinking. I actually feel that the nausea, as unpleasant as it is, is helpful, in that it makes me less interested in more beer.

I had 3 AF days this week- all other evenings were NAL/drinking extinction sessions. Craving on some days was around a 5 or 6 out of 10, some days no craving at all.

I should mention, all the nights drinking on NAL were done at home. No parties/social situations, yet- just drinking at home at the end of the day. Usually my lovely girlfriend would sit with me outside on our back porch as the sun set, sipping a glass or two of wine while I drank a few beers on the NAL. We’d discuss TSM, the NAL effects, what it feels like, and what my hopes are for the future. I know that I am very lucky to have a partner who is supportive and non-judgemental about whatever I decide to do. I know that’s rare, and I am grateful for her support!

That’s all for Week One! Best to all!

Recap of WEEK TWO

Hi all,

Week Two went similarly to Week One. I’m still very encouraged. I upgraded to 50mg NAL, so I’m full-on TSM at this point and very happy for it. I am starting to notice both the Honeymoon Period and the side effects fade, both of which I expected from reading these forums. It’s a relief to get better sleep than I did the first week- the over-the-counter sleep aid is helping with that, though I don’t want to use it too often.

I had a couple few nights this week, two at home and one away, in which my drinking consumption rose back up, to almost pre-TSM levels. 9 beers one night, 7.5 beers the second, 6 the third. Even though this is slightly less than my usual amounts, it’s still heavier than my first (honeymoon) week. Even so, I’m not worried, I know that it’s to be expected. I trust that the NAL is doing its job and I’m just going to keep on it.

Craving, like last week, was some days 5-6 out of 10, some days none at all.

This week I had 4 AF days and 3 heavy-ish binge days. As I’d mentioned, one of them was away from home- I went to visit friends in the mountains and we went to the brewery across the street from their house and I had 5 beers. I felt good, and never felt out of control. I bought a 22-oz “to go” and we walked back to their place, where I finished half of it and poored the rest down the sink, prefereing to go to sleep instead of finishing it. I woke up with a mild hangover, but was able to function OK. I had breakfast with them, drove back home, and even had a long lunch with my tax/finance guy, and wasn’t too terribly miserable. The other binge days I’d mentioned did have hangovers the next day, too, but I was able to function and work relatively well in spite of them.

One other thing I thought I’d mention—after reading about it in other threads, I agree with others when they say that there’s a couple other components that I’ve found valuable and helpful while drinking on NAL. The first is to make sure that when I take my NAL 1 hour before drinking, I do that while eating a full meal. An hour later, that still-full belly helps me keep a bit more control while drinking (beer, which is filling, too) than I would have with an empty stomach. As many of you can probably relate, oftentimes us alkies like to drink on an empty stomach, cuz we can drink more and faster. Making sure to have a full stomach before beginning a NAL/drinking session really helps.

The other thing I’d say is helpful is having a mental “number” or “goal” in mind—or, how many beers I am going to shoot for. Usually I say “OK, I’m going to shoot for no more than 3 beers, then try to go to stop”. That mental focus seemed to help me a couple times. Other times, I drank straight past it, but a couple times I was able to stop roughly around that number. I definitely agree with others that a good amount of mental focus can help keep the units lower. That’s not to say that it should necessarily be a huge focus this early, but I’ve found that it is helpful for me.

WHEW! Wow, apparently I can write some long-winded posts! OK, that’s all for now.

Best to all!

Recap of WEEK THREE

Hi all,

Just finishing up Week Three on NAL. Week three went better, I’d say, than Week one or two even. Craving was light to moderate. I’ve had 4 AF days so far (5, including today- I know that I will not drink tonight). The other two nights- one was my birthday, and I had 4 beers on a VERY full stomach (wonderful home-cooked meal from Mom, so I was stuffed full of steak and mashed potatoes already). There was no way more beer was in the cards for me that night. A good, mellow birthday, though I wished I’d not drank at all, if only to enjoy the food more. That’s OK though, at least I didn’t get smashed.

The other night, my girlfriend and I were out of town, vacationing in a little mountain town a few hours away. We decided to cut loose a little. I had 6 beers and 3 glasses of wine over the course of the whole afternoon/evening. I didn’t ever feel out of control, but definitely consumed a high number of units. The next day was a moderate hangover (we both were). But after sleeping in, got up and could function relatively normally.

In spite of the few high-unit binge nights that I had during weeks one and two, I’m still very encouraged that TSM will ultimately work for me. I feel that it already is, both in lowering craving and in overall preoccupation/obsession with alcohol, but also in my overall behavior while drinking. I feel more in control, more sharp, focused, able-minded. I don’t feel foolish and ashamed, weak, ineffective, and useless. Also, I’m definitely noticing a lowering of the depression that accompanies heavy drinking. I’m depressed less and happy more. The last couple days, in particular, I’ve been excited, energetic, stable, and happy. I just feel… more solid. That’s amazing.

I know that there are probably rocky times ahead, as there usually is both with drinking/TSM and life in general, but I’m still encouraged.

One side note- had a follow-up with my doc this morning, the one who prescribed NAL for me. I told her my whole experience so far… basically everything I’ve written about on this thread. She said that she is happy for my experience and that she is encouraged to hear more positive results/reports about TSM. My enthusiasm was hard to contain- I wasn’t gushing or anything- more like quietly thankful and encouraged. I could tell she was happy for me, and happy to receive positive reports about TSM. Smiling, she happily told me “You’ve made my day”.

So, all’s well for now. My life isnt’ perfect but it’s far and away, miles better than just a month ago… just four weeks ago, I felt that it was all hopeless and had to remind myself of reasons why my life was worth fighting for. It was all too terrible and hopeless. Now, I am more sure than ever that I just might make something decent and worthwhile out of myself in this life.

It almost feels odd, or foreign, to be this positive and hopeful… but I like it.
Best to all!

I am with you on DUI. For me it was part of the change in my life that led me to find TSM and start regaining control. Keep on my friend!

Keep at it PeterNYC. There are many on this forum who are cheering for you! Keep the focus!

PeterNYC , hang in there buddy, you will be free of this disease. just pray every day and follow this forum it will help you through your jorney.

How things going, PeterNYC? We'd love an update.

Take care.