I guess I grabbed the Mrs. while she was driving on the way back...She's afraid of me now. I'm afraid of me now.....I currently hate TSM. Best, Jim

I will check back in after I get back tonight from my gig....

PS She thinks TSM is a joke and I need to stop it. Maybe she's right...I might have to move in order to protect everybody till I'm cured...buy a camper or something....

Jim our hearts go out to you...your marital situation sounds very fragile and I'm sorry about that. Funny, when we get married we promise "in sickness and health" and we try to live up to that promise. But when we are drunks it's very hard for spouses to see this as "sickness." We're just weak, selfish, uncaring, undisciplined. Why can't we just stop???

I know you are very troubled now about what happened yesterday. Give your poor wife some time. When you think she's over the shock and hurt, can you ask her for patience until July? That's a good time away for you to see real progress. Promise her that if July comes and you are still a drunk you'll let her go with love and thanksgiving for the good years. If you could get your marriage counsellor to suggest this to her maybe she'll go for it.

In the mean time try NOT to move out - once out it's so hard to come back. Positions harden, people move on. I'll say a prayer for you today.

Yes,

Thank you for your prayers....

I ended up doing my job last night having a Nal and a few brews through the night. Its a very popular hip younger Boston club...kinda like a speak easy,...no sign,...just a door. But inside is a restaurant and we do the sinatra thing on the dining side....No bass just keys, drums and vocals,..Bassist flaked so i was stuck double duty,..Which was almost better because drummer was smoking we were very tight..

I was fine through the gig (and all day for that matter) and as the gig was ending, I was eating my meal after wards and a little nausea started kinking in, then a headache...I thought food was supposed to help (I ate lunch earlier in the day with no issue),..I'm wondering if that was a 12-24 hour delayed hangover? But in the past when that was the case, I felt drunk in the morning...This was not the case...I had no shakes and felt virtually fine except emotionally I was very despondent knowing what I had done to my wife whilst blacked out....

Long story medium long, I had the brews, came home completely sober, not wanting more. Finally made it through the headache with a 600 Mg advil, and some coca cola for the nausea. It worked but after she went to bed I did pour a 4 ounce vodka to help sleep which it kinda did ,..but I stayed in bed and got at least 6 hours on and off which is good enough for one day.

I feel good today and we're going to Salem, MA for pre halloween celebrations. I will not drink. Maybe tonight....I feel good today....A new vow,..no cockiness. I can see that in my earlier posts.

King alcohol, I respect you more than you know,...May your cousin, Demon Alcohol not inhabit my body whilst imbibing. This I ask in the TSM Forums spirit....

BGH, thank you, but I will be long divorced by July. I have till January and I will have to adopt some kind of an even more secret method. If I feel spikes coming (which I guess you don't know they're coming i.e. the other night), I must try and hide or go on a trip....

I love the idea of using a little willpower along with everything else. I will try if I drink tonight to only drink beer (6)(she found all of my wine stash the other night which I wasn't really hiding). or a pre measured amount of Vodka,...Maybe 8 ounces,..and that be it....Beer would probably be easier because it would allow me to drink more with no more effect.... Best and thank you all..I read all active posts, so know everyone's helping me...., Jim

Jim do you know what Baclofen is?

This is just my personal opinion but I think that you seriously need to consider putting TSM on hold and going the Baclofen route. From what I can tell people on Baclofen using Dr Ameisen's high dose therapy stop drinking within weeks of starting it.

I do not think it's highly likely that your wife will see much of a difference by January and if it were me that is not a risk I'd be willing to take. Baclofen could absolutely help this.

There is no hell on earth like losing the person you love. I hope that you never have to feel this pain, I wouldn't wish it on the devil himself.

Please check it out Jim and if you have any questions I know a bit about it and there are a bunch of nice folks over at mywayout.com that are doing it.

Watch this: http://abcnews.go.com/video/playerIndex?id=6644390

Read this: http://www.mywayout.org/community/f20/i-pulled-jama-all-you-baclofenists-37619.html

My best Jim -Ev

Thanks again. I will email the Baclofen woman and talk to my shrink about adding that to my regimen.

I am currently trying to just drink beer but after brew 2, I am thinking I'm glad she missed one of my partially open bottles of wine.

I know..I know...This is the game we alkies play nightly....

Again, I feel as though if I were able to add pot to the equation, it may help give me the ability to drink less....

Bottom line, will try and drink no more than two glasses of wine, and 3 ounces of vodka making 6 total units which is an improvement. Best, Jim

Hi Jim, I know about AL and marriage. Wow, how do I say this to you and how do i even put this into something that makes sense. Do you feel your wife loves you? I think she does. I'll tell you a little bit about my marriage and see if it sounds familiar. My SO has hidden bottles around the house but has said he doesn't know how they got there, DUI's, and the car smashed up a number of times and he doesn't know how it happened. Promises every week that none of this will happen again but it always does. He drinks heavily all week and by the weekend he's violently sick and I'm so ANGRY and I'm an alcoholic. It sounds like she is not. My fear is that my husband is going to die and I can't do anything to stop it, do you think she has the same fear? Right now she is probably feeling a love hate for you and that is understandable. Jim please if you do anything don't hide a single thing from her because you shutting her out only makes her feel alone! Tell her everything you're doing and feeling so she can feel that she can help fight this with you. Sorry if I offend anyone here but women really want to be cared and protected by her man, there I said it and when that's not happening she becomes fearful and angry. Now with all that said my SO is doing great on Nal, someone from the outside may say you're kidding but what I see brings me hope that this will end. Jim give her some hope now don't wait until you're cured.

My wife is one of those weirdo's that has a glass of wine with dinner,...maybe twice a week. No not alcoholic....

Thank you for your well thought out post. I wish I could say I could do this in front of her, but we've already stated in Marriage counseling that she doesn't want to see it but the counselor said "ok though you realize he will still be drinking". Because of the othr night, I've lost all trust man stripes and am a loser again. It doesn't matter that I've improved,..she doesn't smell me as much, I'm not falling down drunk.....I mess up once and its been too many times...its magnified by 100!!!!

I am pretty much staying by my amounts. 2.5 glasses of wine, 4ounces vodka (drinking now), 2 beers. I also have been trying to smoke marijuana but it was home grown and had no effect.

Lo0p, I think I will definitely try the baclofen as well if things don't improve...best, Jim
PS I looked at the links...great!!!
1.30 Am basically sober working towards a medium buzz,...again its the little things....Pre TSM passed out by now (like the other night)

Hi Jim,

So sorry that things are so difficult for you right now. It must be really difficult for a spouse who doesn't understand, but at the same time it sounds like you're really trying to moderate but still feel you're sneaking around and being deceitful - such a hard situation, I can only offer you my very best wishes, and hope things ease or there's a breakthrough soon.

I've smoked pot and drank in the past, and the effects of both seem much stronger when mixed. I don't know if it's something to bear in mind, but for me taken together my memory of those times would be very hazy indeed. Not like a blackout - even at lower levels of drinking my memory would be really messed up.

Again, best wishes, we're all rooting for you,

8

I'll put together a package for your psych. I think I still have your email address.

I'm waiting on a JHU librarian to pull a study, scan it, then send it to my friend Jacob and then he'll forward it to me. Best guess is it'll take a few days.