Greetings all.

Just about to start 4th round of TSM in likely as many years, but want to do it differently. Bear with me as I offer a background and a potential solution.

Background, I have had a history of abuse for last 30 plus years. There is a genetic link, very, very strong family history, combined a routine/habit which has been strongly ingrained over this time. I have experienced most negative effects of the disease (DUI, divorce, bankruptcy, etc, etc), Though have experienced all the negatives, I have bounced back and am considered from the outside to be successful - family, career, etc.

Noting all the above, I have faked it until I have made it. I have worked hard, very hard, have an amazing wife (second), great ex wife, amazing kids and as of a year ago, became a grandfather. From the outside, mostly, people would consider me normal and doing OK, but thing are not all what they seem, much of it is a fascade, and it is time to make this real.

I live this daily, read almost everything on addiction, consider myself quite informed, and have tried most everything other than 12 Step programs. 12 Step, though they can be EXTREMELY successful for some individuals, science shows success rates are low and personally I have philosophical issues with the process. I have read the Big Book many times, and find it amazingly inspirational, but believe strongly AA is not a solution, but a support network. Fellowship, network, peers, shared experiences, etc are amazing, but not the solution - how many more times do I have to make a moral inventory? To be honest, I also do not want to feel shame publicly I have been feeling privately for years and know AA, founded upon fellowship, is not embracing science.

This is the reason I am reaching out within our community now.

I strongly believe in the fellowship and the successes of 12 Step programs, but feel that the combination of Naltrexone and a community might be a better solution. To be honest, this idea is totally selfish. I believe in Naltrexone, have experienced it benefits, yet when my life gets better with the drug, I have believed I have been stronger and able to continue on my own without it. Thinking I have been invincible, I stop taking Naltrexone, yet inevitably I return to past patterns.

Most of this pattern is me, I assume the responsibility. But I would like help, help of a network who has been there, done that, and who is willing to make me accountable. In return, I offer the same. I will be supportive, kind, yet commit to do support those who may benefit from experiences. It is my hope that friendships and fellowship we may make us all healthier, stronger and achieve our goals.

BTW, this is my round 4 of Naltrexone, all of which have been successful, yet I revert. Hoping current round, with mutual support, will make us all healthier and happier!

Hi, Gambler!

This board has been overrun by fake online pharmacy advertising and the administrator seems to be lost to the world. I saw your post on Options Save Lives and responded to it there. That's a more active community, so I'd suggest you respond over there.

Thanks, will do!