I've just read a really 'good' book (I say 'good' because it was a very upsetting and disturbing read - but it captures alcoholism perfectly from everyone's perspective - the alcoholic and the family living with them.

The book is fiction and is called Another Love by Amanda Prowse http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26803697-another-love For anyone who has been struggling with TSM and feels they aren't getting anywhere - read this. Even though I've been following TSM religiously for more than a year, I was feeling that I wasn't getting anywhere fast. However reading this takes me back to how my life used to be, and even though I don't consider myself anywhere near 'cured' I can see that I have made significant progress for the better.

This is a very sad (and very real) story about an intelligent woman with a fantastic job, lovely house, loving husband and a beautiful little girl, who starts enjoying a glass of wine in the evenings, which slowly turns to a bottle or two and then starts tippling earlier and earlier in the day until she is totally out of control. When I read how she used to hide bottles of alcohol in wellington boots and backs of cupboards and sneaks miniature bottles into her bags - I remember doing all of those things once. She talks about how even though she desperately loves her husband and daughter, getting her next drink becomes much more important.

The woman in this story loses everything - her job, her home and her family. She reaches rock bottom until she finally gets the help she needs. However, one thing that strikes me about this story is that even after being 'dry' for 18 months her craving for alcohol is still there raging in the background of everything she does. When the book describes her massive craving - I remember feeling that - climbing the walls. Feeling like I would do anything to get a drink.

Whilst I still consider that I still drink too much (probably four bottles of wine a week) - my life is so much better than before. I can actually have three days a week without alcohol now and I don't climb the walls with craving on those days. I remember when we used to go out for an evening (for a meal or the cinema when I knew I would only be able to get away with having one or two glasses of wine) I would hide a few miniature wine bottles in my bag and nip to the loo to drink them. I remember hiding bottles of wine in the back of a cupboard and would open a bottle of wine in the fridge, drink one glass from that and then polish of the hidden ones so that my husband would think I'd only had one glass!

I haven't hidden alcohol for a long, long time. I don't need to anymore. If we go out and I only have one or two drinks, I'm fine with that. I remember once when I would spend my whole day thinking about when I could have my first glass of wine, looking at the clock and willing it to move faster. I remember refusing invitations to things because I knew that it would interfere with my drinking.

Reading this book and remembering back to how my life was a year ago makes me realise that TSM is working (slowly) for me. I still have a way to go (four bottles of wine a week is way too much) but it's better than 12 or 14 bottles that I was drinking previously. It also makes me feel very sad for all of those people out there addicted to alcohol who haven't discovered TSM. The thought of trying to live a sober life with those constant cravings and temptation to relapse must be so demoralizing.

Thanks so much for that post, Snapdragon! That really pulls the whole picture together for me, it must feel great to have that burden off your back.

What do you like to do for the 3rd day on your AF weekends?

Hi Joe - I just try to be 'normal' I spread my AF days out through the week - try to have one day drinking and one day not. I go to the gym regularly now (I do body pump and body combat classes which are great fun as they are group exercises). On the days that I don't drink, I watch TV with the family or read and drink tea or water instead of pouring glass after glass of wine. In the past, I would start drinking every night at about 5.30pm and pass out on the sofa by 9pm having usually polished off two bottles of wine. Now I rarely drink more than one bottle at a time.

I think what really hit me about reading this book is the fact that I used to have the most obsessive cravings. I have never allowed myself to drink before 5.30 pm because I knew that once I allowed that I would be even further down the slippery slope. But every day all I could think about was having the first drink. My whole day was planned around it - I would make sure I had a sneaky supply to hand and once I opened the first bottle I couldn't stop. I realise that TSM is working for me - the cravings I have now are pretty minimal, and breaking the habit is slowly getting easier and easier.

"I have never allowed myself to drink before 5.30 pm because I knew that once I allowed that I would be even further down the slippery slope."

I hear that. My "post time" was 5pm and my day pretty much revolved around that. 4:59, no go. I'd make an exception if away on a vacation, maybe a mimosa with brunch or the like, but it usually made me feel tired, bloated and actually kind of depressed, so I never got in the habit.

thanks for the post, snapdragon. being 10 months in, I can really relate to the lack of cravings now. I used to think about AL all day and anticipate when I could get started. sure nice to not be fighting that anymore!

My cravings, to the extent I had them, are pretty much gone after just over three weeks. It's a nice feeling to control something and not have it controlling you...

Thanks for posting that Snap, and I cannot wait to read this book. I find having a reminder of how I was in the past very helpful.

I agree that desire to drink, watching the clock, promising myself in the morning "not to night"(only to drink more), and getting screamed at by family members, are all things in the past and I am so very grateful.

I remember that overwhelming desire all too well of wanting a drink after a year, and even two, of being sober, and that is why I would relapse...a thing of the past!

That is awesome news NDF, and you are lucky for it to happen so quick!

Jaba