i am about 3 months in. and things have changed. as in, i cant stomach red wine much at all any more. i would have it at a social engagement but i will not drink it at home. i used to drink 1.5 bottles a day. with this change, i started drinking sparkling wine instead.that began to not taste so great either, that now i am doing hard cider and spiking it with sparkling wine. what's worse is that i am in a constant battle with myself questioning why i drink and how i dont want it in my life, but i cant seem to take the plunge and have an AF night. it's like i am right on the edge. i do not see one benefit to my drinking and i see so much positive that would come if i gave it up. i am trying to not be so hard on myself and let teh process run its course but i guess i am not sure what the next step is and when i am supposed to take it and how i will take it.

Hi forward thinking -
I started the same time as you - it is a roller coaster ride, isn't it? I have managed to have AF days and after having one, it is easier to have another and also to cut down. The way I do it is I make definite plans for the evening, like a movie or dinner with family (with whom I never drink), or just do something to postpone the drinking to make it not worth waiting the hour because by then it is too close to bedtime.
Have you noticed you cannot drink as much as before? That is my latest thing, I have a hangover when I am actually drinking much less than before. And before I wouldn't have a hangover at all.
Try to have an AF day, believe me it will help you a lot. Once you have done it, it isn't so scary after all.
Susie

susie,
i completely believe everything you are saying and i KNOW it to be true also. i know that it wont kill me. i know that i can drink again another day. for some reason i am just like in this state, deciding how and when i am going to cross the border. and it makes me so frustrated with myself too.
and i love your idea about getting together with people, i just dont have anyone to get together with.
i have had activities that have gotten me home late, say 10ish and i stay up drinking! i dont even just skip it and go to bed because i need to get up for work in the morning.
i havent really had where i can not drink as much as before. i just have become disgusted with some alcohol, like wine. i just cant even deal with. thinking about it makes me queasy. so that is why i have adjusted the alcohol i have consumed. i do notice now that i can see that it is 11pm and i will put away the alcohol and not finish it. that is new. but i am still drunk. and i dont have bladder control when i sleep
i dont know why this seems to be my struggle. i have done so much the last year with changing myself and i now have a crammed schedule. i am non-stop and yet this is one element that i allow to rule me. i guess i need to figure out a way to let it go. and i am just not sure how to start that.

Susie gives good counsel Forward!

Give it a push and see what you can do, but if you get the cravings then take the Nal and go ahead and have a drink. Perhaps check with your Doc or pharmacist to see if it's ok, but some have been getting good mileage out of L-Theanine to counter anxiety and help sleep quality to boot.

If the AF day doesn't work out, then no worries. Even though Dr. Eskapa used a 3 month timeline in the book, many take longer than that. It too a year for Maggie1929, Skippy I think was at it for over a year before he bumped to 100mg and the switch flipped for him. Another posted at the 15 month mark, so hang in there. It's not the same for everybody!

Are you using mindfulness in your drinking, like pouring the first one and sipping it rather than burning through it? Is there a certain activity that makes the drink disappear faster than at other times? Are there any activities that you would like to get to as drinking takes less and less of your time?

You're certainly far enough in that you can start trying to "push back" and see if there are any "walls" that you suddenly find were only made of the thinnest tissue paper. See if the Nal will has given you more power to flex your muscles and start pushing "the beast" around and telling it where to get off, rather than the other way 'round.

C'mon back and talk to us more often! Doesn't matter how you're doing, we'll back you up no matter.

i am currently on 50 mg. i hear that people increase their dose. i am not sure how that works and if its something i should do.
i am mindful about my relationship with alcohol when i drink and am in a constant questioning phase right now but i am not lessening the guzzle per say.
i have filled my life with activity. i work 7 days a week, a full time 9-5 job and an after hours part-time job, i own a business making quilts for ill, neglected and tortured animals, i volunteer as a rescue application processor. and i started all this as a way to help distract me from drinking. they were things drinking was getting in the way of but now, i can do it all and drink. i mean i literally have downtime until noon on sat and sun and i dont drink then anyways.
and i go to therapy and i see a chiropractor and i am starting to take better care of myself. eating better. getting into skin care routines. taking 2 showers a day again. so there are positives.
oh and i have 3 animals. ha!
but no matter how much i fill my life, i keep filling myself with alcohol too. sure i have created rules. no day drinking. not before 5. not before any activity where i shouldnt be drinking. all the drinking happens in my home. its like i understand 3/4 of my life and then there is this 1/4 that doesnt fit any more. i have changed so much over the last year and become a stronger better woman and yet i let this one thing take away from making myself whole.

Forward, sounds like you've been working at it, all right. It's just going to take longer, but it seems you're getting there. Have you tried breaking the tab in half and taking both halves? A couple people here gotten good results that way. Don't get too impatient with yourself, you're going to get to where you want to be.

Could you have a pelvic floor issue that the alcohol makes worse?

How about your consumption per hour within a given drinking session, is that fairly constant?

Also, have you had a chat with joanna@cthreeeurope.com? She offers Skype sessions to TSM'rs free of charge and she's a certified alcohol counselor. Shoot her an email and set up a time, she's heard a lot of stories and has a lot of experience.

Thank you for the feedback! I haven't spoken to her but that's a great idea.

I don't think I have a pelvic floor issue but def worth looking into.

My pills are 50mg. So I guess I would take another. I'm not sure if that should be slowly upped like when I first started.

Are you working with a Doc on the TSM? Best talk to them about it first.

If you're going it alone, then maybe start out with 75mg, but at least talk to Joanna first. Lotsa wisdom in that woman, so def use her as a resource.

If you think about not drinking when it comes time to pull the cork and you feel anxious about that, give the L-Theanine a look. There are Amazon reviews you can check, people really seem to like it for it's anxiolytic properties, but if you take other meds at least check with your pharmacist first. It seems to be well-liked by the folks here that use it.

i had a long response typed out on friday but got kicked off the forum due to inactivity.
i reached out to joanne but i haven't heard back from her yet. thank you for her information.
as well, i have ordered some L-Theanine. thank you for the recommendation!
originally i did not start doing this on my own but my insurance quickly changed and my new dr just wound up transferring the prescription. so i would say that i am doing it all on my own. she really doesn't know much about it anyways because she isn't a specialist.

i am in a constant conversation with myself now and its very frustrating. i believe in a life without alcohol and i have no idea why i still take to it, when it isn't even making me feel good any more. my taste for it has gone immensely and i keep trying to find ways to fit in to my life still. and i hate this battle that i am having with myself. obviously the nal is working but now it has made me an unhappy person and i am not sure what to do with that. i feel very venerable and almost sad.

i dont know what i am going to do tonight. my mind is telling me not to drink and my heart or what have you is telling me to drink. i feel stuck between these 2 worlds. its not frightening to me. but its difficult for me. to want something but then to be doing something else. i mean, i guess i am in a phase of transition and the more that happens, i realize that there is no one around me who will understand or who i can talk to besides my therapist once a week.

Hang in there, Forwardthinking.

Just in case, check your junk mail for joanna's reply, as their mailhost has been blacklisted as a spammer. You can also go over to http://optionssavelives.freeforums.net/ as she doesn't really post here, but she does post there fairly often.

The Alcohol Deprivation Effect is very powerful in steering people back towards the bottle. What you're doing is erasing the programming in your brain that makes you want to drink. It took years to establish that programming, but it won't take years to erase it. Just the same, you're dealing with something that doesn't respond to logic, rational thinking, pleas or prayer.

If you feel the urge to drink tonight, then take the Nal and wait an hour. If after the hour, you don't really want the drink, then don't drink. If you really do, then go ahead and have it.

If you feel like it, shoot me a Private Message with the nearest big city to you and I'll see if I can find you a lead on a TSM doc.

BTW, if you ever get that "time-out" when you're composing a message here and it puts you back in the thread, try hitting the "Back" button on your browser a couple of times. It may take you back to the Compose window and you'll see your reply is still there. I've gotten my replies back that way a few times. If it is still there, then copy it all to the clipboard, login and then try your reply again.