So I have done a whole year on TSM, and I thought I would share my thoughts for those of you starting.

It hasn't gone as well as I had wished, but I think that is due to my expectations being too high.

We all love the idea of conquering something with none to little effort, a bit like dieting the idea of only having to take a pill and you'll get rid of the nasty thing in your life in too good to be true. I laugh now but before I started I sat down with my wife and had a serious discussion about how I wouldn't be drinking a lot in future and how this would effect our life. How I wouldn't want to drink but would still be able to very very occasionally. I think the book and the film put a very positive spin on the process, and I am sure I am not alone thinking the cure was an easy 6 months away.

There was quite a few of us started at the same time, there have been positive changes in most, I don't actually know of anyone that is 'cured' and now drinking within safe limits, I do know of several who dropped off the forums.

This sounds all doom and gloom but actually it isn't.



My drinking has slowly decreased over the year, nothing dramatic but I haven't tried at all to give up. I am pretty sure that the fast responders and many that succeed do so with a lot of placebo. There is no doubt that the pill does something or else the first side effects I got must have been in my head



So what has happened to me:-

1/ I have lost the buzz from alcohol
2/ I can easily have af days
3/ I don't drink till I fall over
4/ I am not the last at the bar
5/ I can leave wine in the bottle

I notice these positives a lot, HOWEVER

what hasn't happened to me

1/ I still love the taste of booze
2/ I still look forwards to drinking
3/ a night with wine is better than one without
4/ I still drink over the safe limits

I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed, the book talks of high % of people being cures in 6 months and here I am a year later drinking maybe 10% less than I used to at the beginning of TSM. I think its to do a bit with the reasons we drink, mine has always been to do with pleasure than trying to forget. I have a definite habit and associate drinking with friends and fun.

So for the last 3 weeks I have done 3 af days a week, I am going to stick with this, its a lot easier than you think once you get it as a new habit, trouble is I really make up for it on the nights I do drink.

still going to continue, but yes all in all a bit disappointed.

And you now have a year under your belt where you didn't increase the amount you drink, which is probably what would happen over time without TSM, right?

Are you out of control with your drinking on the nights you are choosing to drink, or are you choosing to drink as many as you are?

Nigelr,

I am sorry that you have found TSM to be a disappointment. I understand how you feel, but don't you feel like now you do have a choice?

I could easily drink unhealthy limits, but I do not, because I know it is unhealthy. Before TSM I did not have a choice. I wanted to quit and would have given anything to have control...and that is just it I do have control, so I do not have to quit. Do I have the habit of turning to alcohol for the answers? Unfortunately yes, but that has nothing to do with TSM. I have a habit of using alcohol for comfort, so I need to find another thing that will give me comfort or just deal with my emotions instead of trying to bury them in a bottle.

Maybe I am different then you, because I really do not enjoy alcohol that much. I did enjoy a glass of wine until I started to drink it blindly, and now it is okay and the taste is different from time to time. I haven't tried anything else but beer, and it is okay, it is not as bad as I remembered it.

Sure the book simplifies how easy this is, and it was not for me; however, I do believe a few people were able to do TSM like the book claims. I have found that I had to trick myself or play mind games to be able to achieve my goals, and it wasn't all peaches and cream. I would have nal. overs and those helped me along, for I always say that the nal. told me what my limit should be, but that doesn't mean the nal. would have me drinking in a healthy limit. The nal. just had me drinking a lot less. At times my husband has to remind me what my limits is, for I know if I have more than 3 glasses of wine I may have a nal. over. And at times it is harder than others to stop, but I can stop without feeling like I would climb the walls or rip my skin off.

I think this process is different for everyone, and it works better on some and others need to work at progress. Maybe TMS isn't the total answer for alcoholism, but it has saved my life. And it has given me the chance to be free of the grips of alcohol.

Maybe it will take you longer than a year to no longer feel that deadly grip of alcohol, for I do know that it has taken others longer than a year.

Jaba

Well this post is definitely a reality check. I am happy with my progress overall. It is not without its drawbacks for sure. But I have cut back my drinking a lot - but I do still over do it as well. I can only hope that at my year end reflection I feel a little better than Nigeir. I know that at 16 weeks that I do think about my drinking more than ever - and that is positive. Because before I did not think about drinking I just always did drink.

But I hope you keep taking the pill and waiting the hour. Best of luck

We're all different, and I certainly value nigelr's input. But I can't leave it hanging out there all alone without saying what a complete success it has been for me. All sides need to be heard.

Not saying this is nigelr's case, but as I have always said, you can't keep living the same life you did as an alcoholic but just not drink. You built that entire life around drinking, and it doesn't work anymore when you take the drinking away.

Once you've followed the Golden Rule for 4+ months, -it's time for some new construction.

The old foundation won't cut it.

TSM is not "easy". Success comes when you drop the love affair with alcohol and start living. Just taking the pill, and drinking as before, is mindless. What are you learning, or changing doing that? All the mindful and moderation stuff has been beaten to death elsewhere in this forum, but it works. The biggest for me was to never ever ever drink two days in a row.

You miss out on life substituting real experiences with drunken ones. It's still OK to drink with dinner or at a ball game, boating, whatever...

But don't over drink, know when to stop, and all the drunken hell won't occur anymore. Alcohol can be enjoyed without getting stupid.

Drinking is maybe a little less fun, but is it fun getting drunk, risking your life, your marriage, your career? Jail?

If I went to wine country, which I have many times, i'd certainly try wines, and enjoy the good times with everybody else. I wouldn't drink three bottles like I used to, and wake up the next morning wondering what happened.

Once you get away from being drunk all the time, you cannot imagine why in the hell you would ever want to go back and do that again.

I maintain that getting there requires drinking less, and a life revolving around going out with friends and drinking on a constant basis would be a tough deal. Mix it up, find some other things to do, rediscover life.

Yup thank you for your reflections.

I guess the point I wanted to make is that if you read the book watched the film, you would be totally correct to come away assuming all you need do is follow the GR and let the science work.. in fact that's a mantra we hear about a lot here.

The reality is somewhat different, I am bone tired of trying every other solution having tried them over the years (moderation management, giving up totally, measuring out units beginning of week, etc etc etc) so I was happy to spend time this year JUST following the Gr and drinking normally.

I now realise that I am in a better place maybe to give the other stuff another go, the 3 days af/ week I have done over the last month are a start, and I will enlarge on that, but I will need to be actively doing this which is a world of difference from how I was initially led to believe it would be.

Please do not think I am mocking TSM, at the very least it is a great place where we can all help each other out, but it is so so much more than that, it removes the crazy side of alcohol for me and that's a great place to start to make a change... the habit is strong but I will get there

It is interesting to me that things are so different for all of us.

I do think that dealing with living sober and changing your life is perhaps the most challenging part, I agree with that. Yes, you can find new things to do, but I think you can perhaps also reinvent some of the old ones to not be so focused on AL. An example from my life. My life revolves around food and cooking, it is what makes me happy, it is my relaxation, and since I also have a family that needs to eat there is an element of necessity to it as well. It is also a big part of my social life as I love to cook for parties and invite people over for dinner, etc.

Before TSM, though, it had become an excuse to drink. Come into the kitchen, pour some wine or make a drink, and then overdo it. Cooking had become sort of a trigger. I was initially scared that if I was going to drink less, would I have to give up cooking? I could not bear the thought of that.

It hasn't worked out that way. I have worked on it little by little. I either drink WAY less or I make a nonalcoholic drink in a pretty glass for myself while I cook. And I focus more on the cooking, the creativity, being with my family. I have changed the whole experience around in my mind as something that I really get into, rather than an excuse to mindlessly drink.

In the past month I had a big party and this past weekend a small dinner party and while I enjoyed some wine at each, I did not get drunk. And guess what? I enjoyed the food preparation so much more sober and OF COURSE the food turned out better and everyone had a great time.

Newlife

Nigelr, thanks for your post. I am glad that you are sticking with it and being mindful of what you might do to become even more successful.

I agree that the book and the movie makes it sound easier and more simplistic than it is. I think that is a disservice because some people just give up, I am sure. Without this forum and reading about other's experiences and how varied they are, I am not sure I would have stuck it out. I did not have a great week this week with alcohol, but I am going over each day and drinking experience and considering what I could have done to make it different.

True, No doubt. Doesn't mean it must be difficult though.

Makes me think of an excellent vintner in my town. Successful, makes great wines, is affable, etc. Unfortunately, at wine events, inevitably gets sloppy drunk, passes out, falls and hurts herself, etc.

A problem for sure. She can't not drink and still be a vintner. What to do? (Assuming she wants to do anything)

Could she simply moderate her consumption? (visit the MM forum and see how poorly that goes for almost all there). Can she go to AA? "Hi, I'm -----, I own the local winery and I'm an Alcoholic" Hmmmm

Can she could learn to control the runaway desire with TSM... quit drinking to excess at events and otherwise... be aware of what she's doing..... ?

Of course ! She could keep making wine, drink sanely, and regain her dignity.

Such successes happen on this very forum !

Every effort put towards removing alcohol as your life's focus is good ! Is it just taking a pill ? NO, it's using that medicine to allow YOU to change.

This approach has absolutely been lifesaving to many here. You won't spend the rest of your life struggling and fretting about not drinking, or drinking too much. You'll spend it happy and free, because it won't be an issue.