Sometimes alcohol can disguise other issues. There's a book called Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft, M.D. You might find it interesting.

Thanks lena, I am so kinetic I have a difficult time reading books, (novels are ok) but that sounds like one to pursue.

I just thought to clarify my question, as I am the "identified patient". He is not a drinker, except for a cocktail here and there.

I did see on another thread a discussion about not wanting an AL person as a choice for us in a relationship, and I agree, I am glad he does not drink, that he gets up every morning with eagerness for the day ahead. I force myself out of my sunrise depression, and then usually hit the ground running!

Lena, a brilliant insight, and suggestion. I've been suggesting just such an issue to ART for some time. I read the book shortly after booting my ex out the door, and it helped clarify many things that I found confusing about our marriage. Being married to a manipulative, emotionally controlling man can really keep a woman off balance - these guys always make it seem like all the problems are her fault. No fun a'tall.

Ok. I will order the book today, since both G4M and lena so strongly recommend it, and I will read it, maybe outloud, with the husband, that will be more "kenetic"!
(and just for the record, at least he does not drink, but when he did, (socially?) we did get into worse
situations).

Off to yoga, catch up later loves!

One more thing, yes, BINGO! I believe the use of AL has allowed me to stay in this long term relationship, without a question.