Why do you think your life is affected in this way by alcohol?

I think I learned to drink through my dad. He drank everyday and seemed okay, so I followed in his footsteps.

I think I ignored all the signs that said drinking at binging levels was a net negative experience and developed a very strong habit.

Gosh, I don't know. I've been puzzling over this in therapy for years. I tend to lean towards the "there's just something in my brain that is different" explanation now. I think I just drank for fun and socially and .... kept drinking, and that triggered the chemicals or whatnot in my brain to associate drinking with a host of good things: friends, socializing, freedom, release, new experiences, spontaneity, reduced anxiety, etc. I have underlying anxiety issues (for no particular reason, it just runs in my family, we're all a bit high strung) and I think that when I was drunk (or on drugs...used to have drug problems as well) that disappeared and I was the person I always wanted to be - carefree, spontaneous, up for anything, energetic, etc. (The irony is that even without alcohol I am an energetic and outgoing person, but somehow that was never ENOUGH for me, I wanted to be in turbospeed all the time). It's taking me a long time to accept the fact that sometimes I get tired or grumpy or pissed off at people or anxious and that I don't need to drink through that. That people will still like me even if I have moods other than awesome. (I'm still REALLY working on accepting that last statement :/ )
Some of that comes from the way I was brought up, sure. But my parents were wonderful in many ways, if a bit distant, and they and my brother have no substance abuse issues, and neither does anyone in my family, so I also think it might just be a genetic glitch hehe.

I didn't drink until my early 20s. Never wanted to. Then thought I would just drink on occasion like normal people. 15 years later, I'm a full blown alcoholic, getting cured by NAL (21 weeks in). My life is perfect (wife, family, job...), but I just couldn't stop it from getting worse and worse, even though I wanted to. I dealt with so much guilt at not being able to stop, AA, rehab, etc.

All kinds of alcoholism in my family. I am now convinced it was a genetic problem for me, as I am gaining control with NAL and TSM.