Potato,
I can relate to your struggles with the parents! I am in the same boat as you right now. It is very stressful and I feel guilty for not visiting more, etc. I know they are both unhappy in the care home and then I feel guilty for not letting them live with me. But I know that would push me over the edge and I just cannot be there to care for them 24/7. They both have dementia which would require constant supervision. I also took a class last year (age 46) and was worried about it. But I know you will get through it! My advice would be to cut out the visitors! (if possible) We had a long term house guest and that was just way too stressful. I never thought it would be, but then when it happened I realized I couldn't stand it. I think you should try and come up with ways to take care of yourself and put yourself first. I am doing that for myself now. I know it's easier said than done, but I am trying to make steps to put myself first (kids are just now out of the house and I always put them before me too much) I want to start taking better care of myself and of course that is why I am so determined with tsm! I am so tired of feeling yuck. I want to get up in the morning with more energy and feel good about myself and life. I know it will happen. I also know that by doing things for myself and taking better care of myself will help me be a better person, spouse and mom.

Hi potato,

your TSM journey has been one I followed with great interest. Because you are a binger, like me. Part of my job for the past many years was to track trends, identfiy patterns. A trend that I have found, and am very impressed with, in all your postings, is how strong you are, and how you take on new challenges and successfully get through them. It seems to me that you have accomplished alot.

I can only imagine how heart wrenching it must be to be going through that with a loved one.

Just from reading your post, to me, it seems the underlying issue there is FEAR. I know fear, like most of us do, that bad thought in your head that says WHAT IF?? What if this, what if that? The simple truth to that is, its not real. Your thinking about things that have not happend. They do not exist. (In regards to your class)

Some common elements of fear:
• You’re basing your conclusions on how you feel.
• You’re equating unwanted feelings of fear with a bad idea.
• You’re concluding that the presence of fear equals the absence and courage or faith to proceed.

These are all lies!

With that in mind, remember you create your future. What you've done in the past, is where you are in the present, the now. What you do in the present is where you will be in the future. Take care of the now, and the future is all good baby.

Anyway, if there is one person on this forum that can take on a challenge like that, its you. (Thats the impression I get from reading your posts)
Ill go out on a limb and say it wont be as hard as your thinking.

Take some time out for yourself, collect, prepare, breathe, then attack!

All the best,

hapful

Hey Tater -- So sorry about your father. Thanks for thinking of us as a place to come for support and for sharing your successes as well (loved your post about being out withcommunity leaders). It's good to know you think of us as here for you. You have been such an important part of building this thriving community. You know how strong you are but whenever you need reminding we're here.

Tater, muh dear - you are an awesome presence on this site. In that this is a fraction of who you are...whoa, girl! I so appreciate and was feeling your trepidation about taking on a new course load, a demanding class, etc, with this addiction.

I have been struggling so hard myself the last few weeks. Have been in a very bad downward trend. Getting drunk (yes, I admit it) almost every night (quietly at home tho), staying up too late and wandering in to work these last couple of weeks 15 minutes late. I don't realize I am drunk until I try to wake up the next day...ugh!! I NEVER do that when the kids are there, but am just worried about myself, like you are. BTW - I was busy tonight w/ stuff & good. Only 4 & about to log off..."only 4"...sheesh. But we know. Almost can't wait til school starts next week as my moderate lifestyle will resume again. sigh....

I appreciate your concerns and it gave me a wake-up call...and a goodnight call as I will go to bed right after this!! LOL Listening to you makes me look at myself and I want to give myself the same pep-talk I want to give you: Be strong, be easy on yourself, and trust the fact that when the going gets tough, we tough ones will readjust and get the rest we need, lighten up on our drinking, and get the job done. You can do it, girl!! And we are here for you -
XXXOOO

Hey Potato -

I can totally relate to the issue with your father. My father was hit with manic-depression late in life at age 62. I spent the last fifteen years of his life looking after him as he would do wildly irresponsible things, like buy two condos, buy a sports car, knock on strangers' doors, hang out at nightclubs at age 75 at 2 A.M., drive his car and fall asleep, chase college girls, alienate every friend and family member he ever had, get hospitalized four times, be put under civil commitment proceedings twice, try suicide once... You get the picture. (And for some perspective on what he was like before he became ill, had gone to Harvard at age 17, was a psychiatrist and a highly respected university professor, and was happily and faithfully married and proud father of three for forty years before going nuts.) Some would argue it ended mercifully when he had a stroke and died October 3, 2008 all alone in his condo but I would rather have him here, acting totally crazy than be dead because I miss him every day. Anyway, there was nothing anyone could tell me that was any consolation during those fifteen years. I think the only tiny comfort I got was knowing that these things are common, that I wasn't entirely alone, and that quite simply, life is very frequently entirely unfair to everyone, period.

I know this is probably of little help, other than to say I know exactly what it feels like to helplessly watch your father wander. There was nothing worse for me in my life and I can't imagine anything worse ever happening to me again, God forbid.

All my best to you.

Nick

Oh Nick, Thanks so much. That actually is helpful. I know what you mean about having someone around even if they are going crazy rather than missing them all the time because they are dead. I guess right now I am in the stage where I miss my old dad so much. A few weeks ago my sister made a dvd of my parents trip to England in like 1994 and to see my dad running around so strong and talking was so strange and heartbreaking and nice at the same time. Watching him slowly disappear these days is brutal. So thanks for sharing that.

I canot imagine how bizzare it must have been when your dad started to act strangely after being so stable both careerwise and familywise. The behaviour you describe him as doing. (nightclubs, new car, etc. ) seems even more strange because he was a psychiatrist. How could your mother and you, and siblings cope with that? What you have told me makes me feel less alone. I know that lots of people go through watching there father get Alzheimers and vascular dementia but I didn't know it was so hard.

I am having a hard time with this phase I am in. I don't enjoy feeling so helpless. It is really yuckky. To put it nicely.

I wrote my reply to Nick and then after that I read back and I cannot believe how awesome all of your support for me is. I am completely blown away by how many great people there are here who care. It means so much. !!
Firebird. I loved how you said that 43 year old you could kick 20 year old you's ass. That made me feel better because that is true. I am a much better student now than I was then.
Soulbythesea. The tips you gave me about working smarter and the way you handled school are totally helpful and I feel less alone because of what you also went through with your dad.
KrazyKris. Best wishes with your class as well and just to let you know I found out yesterday that the horrible math class I survived and passed is going to be counted! (and I did not think it would because it was a little different than the one for this program) but they told me it was even harder than the one they require so I get credit and don't have to re-take it! That is a huge load off my plate.
Calikime.
When my dad was first getting sick I also thought about taking him to live with me but I know there is no way that would be possible because he is too sick and I left nursing 6 years ago. Don't feel bad about not taking that on with your parents. It is difficult not to try to shelter people we love.
Hapful. Fear. Yes it is alot of what is going on and I know half of it is at least is a fear of things that wil not even occur. Even so I fight that still. Thanks for helping me get it in perspective.
WaitingtoExhale.
Thanks for reminding me to prioritize visitors. I am going to tell people now that I am studying, they have to understand I need rest to be successful.
Lena. Thanks for your continued support and care. As always I appreciate your input and am awed by your strength.
Houtx. Well you know I think your a super cool wonderful support and even tho I stumble I know you are there to understand and give me a hand up when it counts.

I have to say a great big thanks to all of you. It means that even tho I get " al messed up and confused sometimes"
I have you to remind me of who I am, what I have done, and that I am not alone. My heart is all big and fluffy now. I feel better. Thankyou very much. With love. Tater.

Does anyone know of a cd that I can listen to in the car that helps with addictive thinking and behaviour that is not designed to be "meditational, or AA related? I want one that reinforces the right choice making without trying to relax a person. I have a great cd from Louise Hay about relationships, health, job success and prosperity but I can't find one that just is a good companion on the road that discusses addictive stuff. There are so many on the web I have no idea which ones are good and any others I have are too "relaxation" oriented. I don't want anymore relaxing cds. Thanks

Hi, Ok so I am now finishing my first week of school. It is all going great. I am doing fine but it is hard to adjust to really long days. I am not used to being there for 8am and not being done til 5pm. Brutal for someone who is used to doing what they want with their own time. An interesting thing happened today in class when our teacher said that anything you do online, for example Facebook, is looked up by potential employers and can make or break your chances at a good job. He said that employers look up your name online and if they see stuff that they don't like they will pass you over for a job. I am not too worried about this but I hope this does not apply to sites like these where I am protected by my user name and password. Any thoughts on this? Can they find out stuff I don't wish to share because of being on here? Thanks.

No, you are anonymous. At least so far as it relates to the information a prospective employer has access to.