Good for you! You are taking a sane and compassionate approach to this. I'm betting your volunteer work will help fill that void you're feeling, besides relieve boredom. As for catching that downhill slide. . .I suspect alcohol had a hold on most of us long before we ever imagined that to be the case. You got grabbed, pinned, and held down before you knew what hit ya - so don't be so hard on yourself!

I know how you feel about feeling boredom with being a stay at home mom. I had issues with it for years. I seemed to have lost my identity....I was always mentioned as someone's mother, or someone's wife, never mentioned as ME. I had a tough time with it, and still do sometimes. I guess I just wanted you to know you aren't alone in your feelings. I know I thought I was a bad mom or wife for feeling a little bored or lonely, or unidentifiable.

It's hard not to come down on myself. I've always prided myself on self control and being able to handle anything. I'm happy to hear from another mom. Losing your identity strikes such a chord with me. I feel like so many other moms only talk about the same stuff. When I had my daughter, the other moms in my neighborhood mostly went back to work. It was an extremely lonely time for me. I have been home for 7 years. It's wonderful, but hard at the same time.

I wish I could say I didn't get buzzed while drinking. I still, for the most part, have the same feeling when drinking except I'm more alert and my withdrawls when I'm AF are less.

Night before last I drank without NAL by accident (I forgot to take it with me) and I felt more out of control then when I was drinking with NAL and I did feel like I got drunk faster and wanted to stop sooner but being a binge drinker I couldn't.

If I lost that feeling I think it would be easier for me so you should be thankful to know it's working so soon into the method.

I work all day and most of the time I got to work still slightly drunk or suffering from withdrawls. Since I've been to rehab and had to disclose that fact due to a security clearence I have to be very careful not to have any signs of drinking. Part of the condition of my employment is that I attend AA or SMART, see a therapist and not drink. I have to hide all my empty bottles in someone elses recycle bin or take them to the dump on my way to work.

I'm a highly functional alcoholic and have done some of my best work during "black-out" periods or suffering a hang-over. I think I over compensate because I know Im drunk or hung over. Duel edge sword so to speak.

I think finding an outlet will be great for you if you drink out of boredom or for a release from reality or your stay at home mom day. I never did that with my kids, I wish I would have.

It's a big fat stuggle for those who feel it or don't. I know I do, but I'm convicted to the method and will not give it up until after the 6 month mark, even though I have days that I just want to say F**k it.

I would also consider myself a highly functional alcoholic. I've never had a black out period, though.
That must be incredibly scary.
I think it's OK to go back to work while having kids at home. Don't be too hard on yourself. You have to do what you have to do.
There are many drawbacks to being home all the time. At one point, I had a breakdown, developed panic attacks and a sleep phobia. I think I was just so lonely that I was afraid to go to sleep and have to get up and do the same lonely thing again. It was a terrible time for me. The grass is always greener, though. I wish I had found something part time, just to have an adult to talk to. I almost wish I had started drinking back then, at least I would have been more relaxed and might have fallen asleep more easily. Silly me, I had to go on clonopin (still on it, will never get off). I'll bet it's easier to get off of the alcohol than the clonopin.
Anyway, hang in there, and thanks for the post.

I would consider myself functioning as well, in the sense that I can get up and get my kids off to school, etc. I can get up and go to my part time job if I work in the AM.

I am sorry to hear of your breakdown AB. I know that I was damn close many times. It is very difficult to stay home. I did eventually find a part time job and that really helped. It was nice to be known as 'me' and be recognized for what I do. One thing I feel being a stay at home mom is I am never recognized or appreciated for what I do. That was major for me. Everyday I feel like I am sacrificing and every day I am busting my ass, and I got no appreciation. As I said, I have been close to a breakdown myself. I guess this may be where the drinking came into play......

AB, you can PM me any time.