Forward, you sound like me. However, I have been here six months and I feel like I am back to my normal drinking. I also don't drink until after 7 and go to bed at 930. I do everything I am told and I don't drink outside of the house. I also work well during the day, and don't think about drinking until it gets close to that 7 o'clock hour. I know it is more of a habit then anything. It is my reward for making it through the day. Even when I am out late I take the pill and drink the hour later. I have had one alcohol day in 3 years. I did real well in November, I thought I had a break through but after Thanksgiving I have not been good.
I am trying mindful drinking and have talked with Joanne. Maybe we can support each other.

hi meggie! that is exactly how i feel except now i dont get the enjoyment out of drinking and alcohol doesnt taste that great any more but i still want it. and then when i drink i tell myself that i dont want this any more. i would be happy to connect with you. i really have a difficult time bc when i was talking about wanting to not drink with my friends that was okay but now i am in a space that they just wont get bc non of them and taking nal and a part of this process. ALL i see are negatives with drinking and i cant for the life of me understand why i am still doing it. although these feelinsg are more recent in the last coupel weeks. before i was fine with the process. take the nal, wait, drink. noq i dont want to drink, i take the nal, i wait, i drink.

joe-i have been checking my spam and will continue to do so.
i havent had an AF day yet. i am hoping when the herb arrives i can take that and have an AF night without stressing over it and just drinking anyways.
what do you think the advantage to working with a TSM dr would be? i live in san francisco.
i tried the back thing and it didnt work :/ now i am using email and then cutting and pasting.
i just dont know why i cant let something go that i really want to? its the last hinderance in what is a good life. it is the things that is standing in my way. and now i feel like i am starting to dislike myself for it. when i started out on the nal, it was easy to know that i just have to let the process work. well now i think my relationship with alc has evolved and i am having trouble letting go.

maybe be its just like when you become unhappy in a relationship and you stick it out until you cant take it any more?

That' s exactly what it's like. Better the devil you know. It is so scary being on your own without alcohol- its a friend but they are a pretty shitty friend like a shitty partner!

I agree with everyone on the board about an AF. Once you get one under the belt it will be a lot easier. Can you try and reframe it in your mind ? Think about something you do enjoy doing when youre drinking and then think of doing it sober as a new experience- a bit of an adventure. Then if you don't like it you can go back to drinking but at least try it - it might even be enjoyable without the drink.
I went to a gig the other night sober and actually danced- I could not believe it. That would be the first time in 25 years! It was different and I was certainly more self conscious but I did it and the pride I felt in myself was worth it!
Just a little thing but imagine how proud you'll be of yourself when you can say I did it ! I had an AFD !
Its the little things that you can hug to yourself and be proud of Forwardthinking and I love your name. Its great!

Hugs to you
MD

My guess is it can indeed kind of like that, Forwardthinking.

Like I said, the programming isn't anything you can access easily with logic or rationality. When in life did you start drinking, btw?

Joanna may have replied with her personal email, unfortunately I don't know what that address is. I'd suggest creating an account on Options Save Lives and you can send her a PM that way.

A TSM doc is going to understand the medication better than your current doc would and might have already said to bump it to 75mg or add this med or add that technique, etc.

Look, I know you want things to move along more quickly, but don't dislike yourself for something that isn't your fault in the first place. It's inconvenient for you, I'm sure, but you're one of the few people that's doing something effective about it rather than climbing on the rehab-go-round like most. And you're posting about it, which means that other people are going to get the benefit of reading about your experience and travails as well.

L-Theanine is an amino acid btw, so maybe best to take it on an empty stomach if you get along with that. One person mentioned he took it mid morning, don't know if that would work best for you.

i have def had those types of relationships and it was so hard to finally move on but what a difference once i did. in fact everything positive in my life right now, which is a lot, is because i said enough to that person. and i know it will be the same with this. and i know that once i have an AF day, i will feel good about it. and i know that i dont have to commit to being AF and that its just 1 day.

at the moment, i have no alcohol at home and i almost dont want to put the effort in to going to get some but i prob will and the thought is even making me nauseous. i wonder if i am just expecting too much for myself right now and i need to sit with this conversation more.

congrats on dancing! i bet that was so empowering and its things like that, that will def help me along my way.

and i really like your name too!

joe - i started drinking in college and ill be 38 in march. at least 14 years of daily drinking.

thank you for the words of encouragement. i really needed to hear that right now!! it might just become my mantra!!

i am going to split the pill tonight. i hadnt done that yet but i have read that it has made a difference for some people.

so you dont take L-Th at night when you want to drink?

i just started another thread for th L-Th to see how ppl take theirs.

Check your Private Messages, Forwardthinking.

No, as I understand L-theanine is generally taken earlier in the day and gives anxiolytic benefits as well as sleep benefits. You may want to adjust the time you take it to work out the best for your particular situation. When I get to an AFD, I'll probably take it in the morning to start (saw one commenter who put it in his coffee), I can always take more later.

joe, thanks for the message.
have you had an AF day yet?